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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27413701">Ghost Stories, Love Stories</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/hannaenomia/pseuds/hannaenomia'>hannaenomia</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Haunting of Bly Manor (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Ending</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 22:43:39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>81,713</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27413701</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/hannaenomia/pseuds/hannaenomia</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Jamie and Dani are starting their life together in Vermont. They're busy living one day at a time when they're suddenly thrown into the role of the legal guardians of Miles and Flora. -- Melding of the canon ending and an alternate ending.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dani Clayton/Jamie</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>459</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>619</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. The Leafling</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was the grand opening for The Leafling, a small garden shop in Montpelier, Vermont. The owners, Jamie and Dani, had been setting up for this very day for over a month. Plants poured over from every surface, a large bookshelf was filled with guides for any plant you could think of, and (Dani’s contribution) an extensive collection of gemstones. It was only void of the classic, ‘brand new’ smell, with the smell of fresh soil and a cohesion of floral scents in its place.</p>
<p>The first day was slow, by anyone’s standards. Jamie passed the time by thoughtfully caring for each plant. Dani, on the other hand, was a bit more impatient. She paced circles around the store as she picked up something only to put it back down in its place. Every time a person would walk by the large windows, she would perk up, only to watch them walk past the door.</p>
<p>After two hours of this, Dani leaned over the counter and huffed. “Is anyone going to come in today?”</p>
<p>“Just give it time,” Jamie stated, clearly not concerned. “Once people learn about us, they’ll be knocking down the doors to come visit the cute blonde who works here.” She flashed a flirtatious smile over the table at Dani who rested her head on her hand.</p>
<p>As if on cue, the door swung open with a ring of the bell above the frame. A young woman with bright red hair walked into the shop. She had on a simple blouse with a few coffee spots on the sleeve, faded jeans, and a pink hair ribbon around her ponytail. Dani, renewed, jumped up from her position.</p>
<p>“A customer,” she cried. Dani ran around the counter and rushed to Jamie’s side. “We have a customer, Jamie.”</p>
<p>“I can see that, Poppins,” Jamie said. She wiped her hands off on her own jeans and nodded at the other woman. “Hi there, welcome in.”</p>
<p>The woman took a few steps around the store, taking it all in. “Today is your first day open, right?”</p>
<p>“Yes, it is,” Dani said, still a bit too eager.</p>
<p>“You have quite a collection,” she said. “We don’t have many plant shops around here, unfortunately. Not that I should be allowed to have plants, I kill everything I touch.” </p>
<p>“Well, Jamie knows everything about plants,” Dani continued.</p>
<p>Jamie laughed, a bit embarrassed. “Dani–.”</p>
<p>“Oh, now, don’t be modest,” Dani said to her girlfriend. Then, she turned back to the customer. “I’m serious. Ask her a question.”</p>
<p>The woman glanced between the two of them, but was clearly entertained and not the least bit uncomfortable because, in good humor, pointed toward a large fern plant in the corner. “Okay, what is that one?”</p>
<p>“That,” Jamie said as she stepped closer to the plant and simultaneously shot a look of feigned annoyance at Dani. “Is a fiddle leaf fig. Difficult to take care of, that one, but just the right tricks and it will do your bidding.”</p>
<p>The woman nodded in approval, “Well, you’ve got me convinced.” She clapped her hands once and flashed a sheepish smile. “But, I’m pretty sure I’m a lost cause. Which is why I was hoping you could help me. I own the coffee shop next door and I was hoping I could commission you to help me bring in some plants and then, maybe, keep them alive?”</p>
<p>Jamie chuckled and nodded, “I think we can work something like that out.” She extended her hand. “I’m Jamie and this is Dani.”</p>
<p>“Ellie,” the woman said. She stepped forward to shake Jamie’s hand and then turned to shake Dani’s hand.</p>
<p>“Oh, that’s a beautiful name,” Dani said. “Is it short for something?”</p>
<p>“Eleanor,” she said. </p>
<p>“So, what do you got over there now?” Jamie asked. She crossed her arms and leaned back against the table behind her with a cool confidence so clearly opposite of Dani’s excitement.</p>
<p>Ellie rubbed her forehead for a moment and grimaced. “Uh, plastic?”</p>
<p>Jamie clicked her tongue and shook her head. For a brief moment, she looked at Dani and shot a wink her way. “I see we’ve got our first emergency case.”</p>
<p>A redness pushed its way over Dani’s face. Her stomach began to roll on top of itself. Immediately, she scanned Ellie’s face, her body language, everything in hopes of assessing whether or not Ellie had caught on. The two voices, chatting easily about all the possibilities, melded together for Dani, drowned out by anxiety. It wasn’t until Jamie called her name a few times that Dani snapped back into the conversation.</p>
<p>“Ellie was just asking if we’re new in town,” Jamie stated. She raised her eyebrows at Dani, telling her to participate.</p>
<p>Dani took a deep breath and then looked between the two. “Oh, yeah. I mean, no. Well,” she shook her head and laughed awkwardly. “I’m from here, but I went to England for a while and Jamie always wanted to come to Vermont.”</p>
<p>“White Christmas,” Jamie said, as if that was explanation enough, but Ellie nodded in understanding.</p>
<p>“I’m new in town as well,” Ellie replied. “I’m just from a smaller town up north, but there were too many coffee shops and not enough people.”</p>
<p>Jamie glanced over at Dani, finally catching on to Dani’s current mannerisms. She returned to the conversation quickly. “Well, maybe Dani can show the both of us around a bit. What do you say, Poppins?”</p>
<p>“A lot has already changed in the past few years, but I think there’s a few good spots around still.” Dani smiled at Ellie, but avoided Jamie’s questioning look. “Are you free this weekend?”</p>
<p>“How about Saturday?” Ellie asked.</p>
<p>“Saturday it is,” Jamie nodded.</p>
<p>Ellie said her goodbyes, promised to be in the following day to give Jamie a proper tour of the coffee shop, and then left. As the ring of the doorbell faded, Dani quietly picked up a broom and focused on the task. She pretended like she didn’t notice Jamie walk up behind her, arms crossed over her chest.</p>
<p>“Are you going to tell me what’s bothering you or are you going to make me guess?” Jamie asked.</p>
<p>Dani, refusing to turn around, stopped sweeping and stared straight ahead at the wall in front of her. “You winked at me. In front of Ellie.”</p>
<p>“Is that all it took to get you this worked up,” Jamie chuckled. Dani spun on her heel suddenly and the look on her face made Jamie stop laughing. “You like it when I wink at you.”</p>
<p>“Not in front of strangers,” Dani cried.</p>
<p>The realization of what Dani was getting at seemed to pass over Jamie because she nodded and stared at the ground. “You don’t want the world to know about us.”</p>
<p>“It’s not that. It’s just different here than in England.”</p>
<p>Jamie rolled her eyes, “What, because it’s my people that may judge and not yours? Or do you think it’s just a walk in the park in England? Because I assure you it is not.”</p>
<p>Dani put her hands over her face and then ran them through her hair. “This is all new for me. People in my life don’t know that I’m…”</p>
<p>“You’re what?” Jamie asked. “Gay? Because I don’t think I’ve actually heard you say it.”</p>
<p>Dani pressed her eyes closed and tried to steady her ever quickening breaths. “What if people are terrible?”</p>
<p>“Some of them are going to be,” Jamie whispered. “Yes, we aren’t going to come out to every person on the street, but we also can’t deny ourselves of every minute detail that could tip someone off or else we may as well just go back in the closet.”</p>
<p>Dani nodded, eyes still closed. “You’re right.” Then, she opened her eyes and did exactly what she wanted to do in that moment. She hugged Jamie. It still felt a little scary to do it in front of the windows. She thought too much into how long they hugged and where their hands were. She pulled away quicker than she would have if they were tucked away in their own little apartment. “I just need a little time to get there.”</p>
<p>“Okay, Poppins,” Jamie nodded. “I can give you a little time.”</p>
<p>It was very much all new to Dani. She didn’t think about it much. All of it felt so right that she almost couldn’t believe there was any other way of living.  Every once in a while, she would pause and ask herself if this was true. If Jamie was, in fact, in front of her. If Jamie was, in fact, hers to kiss and hers to sleep next to at night. A few times, those moments of utter awareness led her to think about her life as a gay woman. Even turning those words over in her mind felt weird. She spent so long tucking them away inside other memories of her and Edmund that she didn’t know what to do with them now that they were at the forefront. </p>
<p>Everything was so fast it almost felt like a dream. She really hadn’t thought she would make it this far so she’d spent every moment focusing on the present, the present with Jamie. But now, even though she was still taking it one day at a time, she had found herself with so many days that she was now making a life with Jamie. They owned a shop together, rented their first apartment together, and now, apparently, making friends together. Taking it one day at a time was no longer a blinder to the fact that the reality was starting to settle in a little deeper.</p>
<p>The truth was, which Dani was starting to figure out, taking it one day at a time means accepting that there may not be a tomorrow just as much as there may be. It was all the same, really. And one day, she might have to pay taxes. One day, she might need a 401k and a retirement plan. One day, and this last one settled in with an overwhelming feeling of sickness, a White Christmas with her mother and Jamie. Probably, if she still wanted to be honest, with Edmund’s mother as well since that’s what had always happened and she couldn’t imagine it would change much now.</p>
<p>The first week open for the shop became busier by the day. Ellie proved to be a good person to have on their side. It hadn’t taken her long to find a place in the bustling community of small business owners around the city and she had made sure to pass on what a great job Jamie had done in her coffee shop. Other places started reaching out to Jamie to hire her for the same service. Residents began to hear whisperings of a new plant shop on their side of town and stopped by. Jamie was busy talking plants up front and Dani was busy ordering a surplus of items to replenish what they hadn’t realized would go so quickly.</p>
<p>Dani picked up on plant knowledge surprisingly fast and every time she had an in-depth conversation about a particular flower or plant, she would find Jamie staring at her with a smile. It never failed to give her butterflies each time she caught it. Whenever someone came in and complemented Jamie on her arrangements or the plants in Ellie’s coffee shop, pride boiled up inside Dani and her own smile would be impossible to stifle.</p>
<p>Friday night, Jamie flipped the sign on the door to ‘closed’ and walked to Dani who was behind the counter placing cut flowers into a vase. “Have something for you,” Jamie said.</p>
<p>“Oh, yeah?” Dani asked, still focused on the flowers in front of her. Jamie set a small vase onto the counter with a single moonflower bud in it. It hadn’t yet bloomed. The flower pulled Dani’s attention finally and she looked between the flower and her girlfriend. “Is that a moonflower?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Jamie said. Her voice was quiet with hints of nervousness as she leaned over the countertop.</p>
<p>Dani took a closer look, “They’re really rare, you know?”</p>
<p>Jamie took a deep breath, “I’ve got a problem.” A look of worry passed over Dani’s face. “Or, rather, we’ve got a problem, Poppins.”</p>
<p>The nickname cut through the tension in the room and Dani calmed a bit. She mused, “Oh, no.”</p>
<p>“You see, I’m not sick of you. At all.” Jamie’s voice shook. “I’m actually pretty in love with you, it turns out.” A smile spread across Dani’s face and all anxiety drained from Jamie. </p>
<p>For the first time, Dani didn’t think about other people or customers or the windows. All she thought about was the amazing woman standing across from her who just told her she loved her. Dani stepped out from around the counter and kissed Jamie. They stumbled their way into the back of the shop and, not once, could Dani bring herself to worry about anyone else other than Jamie. Something inside her knew what she was feeling was different than anything she ever felt before. But, the last person she had uttered those words to was Eddy and the pain of that confused her. There was no pressure from Jamie to say it back and she seemed content with Dani’s response.</p>
<p>The first week had been a whirlwind of excitement, one they both knew would settle down shortly once the magic of a grand opening began to fade. Still, they relished each moment and arrived at Saturday dinner with Ellie exhausted, but fulfilled.</p>
<p>Jamie held the door open for Dani and it made her blush as she walked through. Not entirely a self-conscious blush, one overthinking the stares of strangers, but also a smitten blush that arrived every time Jamie held the door for her. It felt as though Jamie was inviting Dani into her life over and over again, always reminding her of her place by Jamie’s side. They shared a glance for a moment that was just for the two of them. Brief enough, Dani knew, that no one could quite catch it, but long enough for them to know it was there.</p>
<p>If Dani had entertained any concerns about arriving with Jamie, she had herself quelled them quickly. After all, she asked herself, would anyone think twice about them closing the store and sharing a ride after work? From across the room, Ellie called their attention by raising a wine glass above her head. Dani took a moment to examine Ellie’s facial expressions once again, but nothing there seemed to question the nature of their arrival. She swallowed the anxiety as best she could and followed Jamie through the restaurant.</p>
<p>“I hope you like reds,” Ellie stated as a welcome, referring to the bottle of Pinot on the table in front of her. </p>
<p>“I’m a bit partial to a pint myself, but that’s just the Brit in me, I suppose,” Jamie said. Still, she poured herself a generous glass and then filled Dani’s.</p>
<p>Dani took a sip, “We’re working on the wine. And coffee, but she hasn’t taken to that one quite as well.”</p>
<p>“Maybe I would like it better,” Jamie started, swallowing her mouthful of wine, “if your coffee wasn’t as black as the Grim Reaper.”</p>
<p>“Hey!” Dani cried. She grimaced and turned to Ellie. “I guess you’ll just have to teach me your tricks.”</p>
<p>Ellie shook her head, “No, a magician never reveals their secrets. But, I will save Jamie from whatever it is you’re making. Swing by the shop in the mornings and I’ll get you two coffee. On the house, of course.”</p>
<p>Dani and Jamie both took a liking to Ellie very quickly. She was just fiery enough to joke with Jamie and just sweet enough to smooth over whatever was thrown Dani’s way. She was a very theatrical person with a loud voice and tended to turn topics of conversation her way. Yet, every time she did, she provided some short anecdote about herself that always elicited a laugh from the couple and they didn’t mind much.</p>
<p>“Sorry to interrupt,” the waiter said as he stopped at the table. “Here are the menus. Today’s specials are on the top there. Beneath it is the drink menu in case you want to shake it up a bit, but I’m happy to bring another bottle of the Pinot over if you would like.”</p>
<p>Jamie nodded, “We’ll take another bottle of Pinot.” Then she leaned closer and covered her mouth with her hand as if to whisper a secret. “And a pint of your finest, for me. Just slip it under the table and I’ll down it when they aren’t looking.” She straightened up and adjusted her napkin on the table. “Alright then, thanks, mate.”  </p>
<p>The waiter chuckled and left, though his gaze lingered on Jamie a bit longer and it caught Dani’s attention. She cleared her throat and picked up the menu in front of her. “The chicken alfredo looks tasty.”</p>
<p>“Oh, it is,” Ellie said. She also picked up a menu and glanced it over. “I had it a month or so ago on a first date. Only good thing about that night, if you ask me. The guy was twenty minutes late, called me Melanie, and then hit on the waitress right in front of me.”</p>
<p>“I bet you went on a second date, didn’t ya?” Jamie asked. Ellie tried to bury a smile into the menu in her hand and Jamie laughed. “I knew I pegged you for a fixer. They’re not worth it.”</p>
<p>Ellie smirked, “Look who’s calling the kettle black.”</p>
<p>A look of confusion passed over Jamie’s face, but Dani’s reddened with understanding. “What?” Jamie asked.</p>
<p>Ellie leaned over the table, “Come on now, Jamie. You’re clearly a bad-boy kinda girl.”</p>
<p>“Oh, no,” Jamie shook her head.</p>
<p>“Don’t lie,” Ellie laughed. “You look like you would love to be swept away on a motorcycle.”</p>
<p>“What Jamie means is,” Dani made eye contact with her girlfriend. She started talking before she really knew where she was going with it and had to take a second to decide on a path to take it. “She doesn’t really date much.”</p>
<p>Jamie was clearly relieved for the way out. She nodded vigorously and slightly raised her glass toward Dani. “Yep, waste of time and energy.”</p>
<p>Ellie held a triumphant smile. “Exactly what someone who has had too many experiences with the bad boys would say.” Then, she turned on Dani who prepared herself for the same line of questioning. Her eyes narrowed as she assessed Dani’s facial features. “You like the nice boys. Quiet, pensive, but passionate behind closed doors.”</p>
<p>Suddenly, Jamie choked on her wine from laughing and covered her mouth with the back of her hand so she didn’t accidentally spew it everywhere. “She’s really got you nailed there, Poppins.”</p>
<p>Ellie set her glass down loudly on the table, “I really have to know the story behind that nickname.”</p>
<p>“Oh, it’s not that exciting,” Dani said. “I was an au pair in England for the same family she was a groundskeeper for.”</p>
<p>“Must have been a terrible employer if you both quit and moved here,” mused Ellie.</p>
<p>“They were amazing,” Jamie answered, her tone almost stern. It was something Dani loved about Jamie– how loyal she was. No matter how removed they were from Bly Manor, how many nightmares the two had about the last bit of their time there, or how long since they had talked to the others, Jamie would hold steadfast in her loyalty to the Wingraves.<br/>
And then, Dani felt a wave of warmth brush through her. Her mind had used the word love. It took her by surprise, but then, it didn’t at the same time. Of course I love Jamie, she thought. It felt as much of a fact as her own name and the newness of the realization faded into the feeling of a comfortable memory. She caught herself smiling, giddy, Jamie’s way. </p>
<p>“The two kids I was watching, Miles and Flora, left with their uncle,” Dani said, returning to the conversation. “So I didn’t really have a job anymore.”</p>
<p>“And the manor was closed down,” Jamie continued. “Have to let the ivy do its own work at that point. It’s part of the gardening code.”</p>
<p>“Manor?” Ellie asked. Dani knew they had opened up a whole can of worms. Travelling so much the past few months, they never had to talk about their time at Bly with anyone but themselves. No script had been developed, no plan to hide that history or to beat around the bush.</p>
<p>Thankfully, the waiter came back right then. On his tray, he had a new bottle of the Pinot, a pint of beer, and an empty wine glass. He unloaded all of it onto the table, and began opening the wine bottle.</p>
<p>“What’s the occasion tonight, ladies?” He asked. The cork popped and he topped off Ellie’s and Dani’s glasses.</p>
<p>“Just a girl’s night,” Ellie responded. “Occasion enough for indulging ourselves in a little too much wine.”</p>
<p>“Absolutely,” he said. Then, he turned to Jamie and picked up the pint. “And for you, miss, I have gone into the back and found a bottle of the finest lager we offer.” Carefully, and with expert precision, he poured a bit of beer into the wine glass then set the pint back down.</p>
<p>Jamie took a sip, “Quite fine, that one.”</p>
<p>The waiter leaned closer to Jamie, “Perfect, they’ll never know the difference.”</p>
<p>All four laughed– Dani notably less than the others, but even she couldn’t ignore the humor in the situation– and placed orders for their meals. Once he had taken leave, Ellie began recounting ways that men had flirted with her in the past. Dani felt Jamie’s foot gently push up against hers and Dani slid hers forward until their ankles rested against each other. It centered her again. She let herself get lost between stories of Ellie’s life and quiet reflection of the newfound fact that she loved Jamie. How badly she wanted to say it now. She could slip it into the conversation, whisper it in her ear, fold it into the palm of Jamie’s hand.</p>
<p>At the end of the night, when the three decided against dessert, though Dani knew sweet-tooth Jamie really just had her mind on the cake Dani had made the night before, the waiter produced three receipts. While Ellie and Dani laid out their cash on the table, Jamie flagged the waiter back down.</p>
<p>“Sorry,” she said and held the receipt back out. “Think you forgot to put the pint on here, mate.”</p>
<p>The waiter shook his head and refused to extend his hand, “I thought if I bought your drink, we could count this as a first date since they’re usually so awkward anyway. I’ll let you buy the next round, though, if you insist. Next Friday?”</p>
<p>“Oh, I–,” Jamie said. Dani couldn’t take it anymore and she slid a hand into Jamie’s inner elbow.</p>
<p>“We’ve already got plans,” Dani quipped. She didn’t know what had gone over her at that moment, but she didn’t really care. It felt right to hold Jamie’s arm like that and right to be unashamed about the person she loved. Loved. There it was again. The waiter nodded, clearly embarrassed, and then backed away from the table.</p>
<p>Then, Dani’s nerves kicked in again. She remembered, anxiously, that Ellie was sitting right there. Ellie who really thought they could have a type between nice boys and bad boys. Ellie who had brought them a week’s worth of business and could probably take it away just as easily. Dani was too nervous to turn and look and Jamie was too shocked, staring at her girlfriend, to look either.</p>
<p>A snort pierced through the awkward silence and both of them turned to see Ellie laughing. They braced themselves. Ellie downed her wine and then pointed at the two. “You really let me sit there and try to pinpoint the kind of guy that gets you hot when you were probably playing footsie under the table the whole time?”</p>
<p>Jamie and Dani both laughed, though it was very restrained. They still weren’t entirely sure where Ellie was going with this. She pushed up from her chair, grabbed her purse, and then waited for the other two to do the same (save for Jamie who didn’t have a purse, just a jacket pocket where she slipped her wallet).</p>
<p>In the parking lot, Ellie began to laugh again. “It really is so obvious now that I think about it.” She stopped and turned to face them. Her eyebrows crumpled together for a moment, thinking. “My last relationship was with a girl.”</p>
<p>A deep laugh erupted from Dani who had not expected to hear a confession like that. Next to her, Jamie pushed her hands into her pockets and groaned loudly. “Oh come on, Elle,” she cried. “You can do better than that.”</p>
<p>“I know!” She cried. “I thought too much into it.” Ellie went serious and looked between Jamie and Dani. “It’s why I left my hometown, actually. Everyone there is Presbytarian and my dad’s the pastor for the only church in town. When he found out, so did everyone else..”</p>
<p>Jamie nodded, “I get it. I was in the system in England. Most the families were Catholic.”</p>
<p>Ellie turned to Dani, “What’s your story?”</p>
<p>“What?” Dani asked.</p>
<p>“Your story,” Ellie said. “We’ve all got one.”</p>
<p>Jamie bumped her elbow into Dani’s arm and whispered, “Eddy.”</p>
<p>“Oh, uh,” Dani paused. She wasn’t sure she wanted to talk about him right then, but something about the conversation made her feel safe. There wasn’t pity, there was just… a shared sense of grief. “I was engaged. To a man. I called it off,” she paused again and glanced at Jamie. “Told him I was gay. He got upset and got out of the car. Right in that moment, he was hit by a semi-truck.” A small smile spread on Jamie’s face.</p>
<p>“Jesus,” Ellie muttered. </p>
<p>“Right? What a lot we are,” Jamie laughed. She placed an open palm on Dani’s back, right between her shoulder blades, and rubbed small circles. “Well, we’ve all got work early tomorrow. But we’ll see you soon?”</p>
<p>“Tomorrow morning,” Ellie said. “For your coffee.”</p>
<p>In the car, Dani turned the key in the ignition, put it into reverse, but didn’t pull her foot from the brake pedal. “Are you mad?” She asked.</p>
<p>“What?” Jamie asked.</p>
<p>“About the waiter. Are you mad?”</p>
<p>Jamie set her hand on Dani’s thigh and let it slowly snake up higher and higher. “Never seen you jealous before, Poppins. I kinda liked it.”</p>
<p>“Okay,” Dani nodded and took a deep breath as she took her foot off the pedal.</p>
<p>At home, Jamie immediately threw her coat on a chair by the door and made straight for the refrigerator. She pulled out the lemon cake from the night before (baked by Dani, recipe by Owen) and cut herself a big slice.</p>
<p>“Ellie’s fun,” she reflected. “Not Owen and Hannah, though.”</p>
<p>“Owen and Hannah are family. Ellie’s a friend,” Dani said. She picked up the jacket and hung it in the front closet. </p>
<p>Jamie nodded, “You’re right.”</p>
<p>This was how they referred to Hannah. She was someone who used to be in their lives and now no longer was– not as someone who had passed. It was a hard thing to wrap your head around, spending months talking to someone everyday only to find out they had been dead the whole time.</p>
<p>“Owen should really make you head baker at the restaurant he’s opening up,” Jamie said over a mouthful of cake. “You really gave him a run for his money with this one.”</p>
<p>Dani walked up behind her girlfriend and slid her hands into the pockets on the front of Jamie’s jeans. She rested her head on Jamie’s shoulder and whispered, “That’s because I’ve got a secret ingredient.”</p>
<p>“Oh?” Jamie asked.</p>
<p>“Love.”</p>
<p>Jamie stopped mid-bite. She swallowed then turned around to face Dani, who let her hands slide up and around Jamie’s neck. “What?”</p>
<p>“I love you,” Dani said. It felt right. The last time she had said these words to a partner was to Edmund. She had loved him, but she hadn’t been in love with him. Her words had felt hollow and forced. But here, now, with Jamie in front of her, she had never felt more true in anything.</p>
<p>Tears developed in Jamie’s eyes and she framed Dani’s face with her hands. She nodded aggressively. “I love you, too.”</p>
<p>For someone who was so against love, Dani realized, Jamie had the biggest heart of anyone she had ever known.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Some Ghosts are Living</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Follow my twitter account for updates: @ministana</p><p>A few creative liberties have been taken on some minor details.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dani had been calling Henry once a week since he had taken Miles and Flora from Bly. Each time, she hoped she would get to talk to one if not both of the children, and each time she would only get the sound of Henry on the other end. Every week, he was as drunk as always no matter the time of day she called. He always said the same thing: “We thank you for all you did to help us out, but they are trying to forget what happened and talking to you will only cause them to remember it more.” Then, he would hang up. No update on the children, no information as to where they were.</p><p>Owen hadn’t heard from them either, receiving the same canned response from Henry each time he called so he had long since given up. Dani could not shake the image of Flora being walked deeper into the lake or Miles giving in to Peter Quint and, for that, she knew she had to keep checking on them. </p><p>Every week, Jamie told her to stop calling for a while. “They should forget. It’s probably what’s best for them. Those kinds of things can really mess with someone for good.”</p><p>And every week, Dani would say, “And so does an alcoholic uncle.” To that point, they would both go quiet because Dani’s mom and Jamie’s dad had not been too far from where Henry stood now.</p><p>If Dani was honest, though, she wasn’t sure what she would say to them if she could. It was the same issue her and Jamie ran into frequently. How do you talk about something when you can’t put it into words? And so, Dani waited. Dani called. Dani cried. And Dani waited. Somedays, she hated Henry, and others she was grateful to him for trying to give the kids as normal a life as she hoped they could salvage.</p><p>“I called again today,” Dani told Jamie one night, over dinner.</p><p>Jamie sighed, “I told you to stop doing that. It messes with you every time.”</p><p>“He’s getting worse,” Dani said. “Henry’s getting worse.”</p><p>“That man has been getting worse every day since Charlotte and Dominic died,” Jamie said. “You can’t torment yourself with that. It didn’t start with you and it’s not going to end with you.”</p><p>Dani ran her hands through her hair. “I love those kids, Jamie.”</p><p>“So do I.” Jamie reached across the table and squeezed Dani’s hand. “We can’t do anything for them now except stop trying to pull them back into something they’d probably do best to forget. Hell, somedays I wish we could do the same.”</p><p>Dani went quiet for a long minute. Finally, she looked back up at Jamie. “Do you ever want kids?”</p><p>Jamie shrugged, “Well, it’s not really much of an option for us, now is it?” It was more than just being two women. In just the last couple of years, there were fertility treatment options for them, though expensive. The right adoption companies would say yes, but for a high fee. Dani knew Jamie was talking more about the Lady in the Lake than anything else.</p><p>“I know,” Dani said. “But, if things were different and we could, would you?”</p><p>“I dunno,” Jamie said. She paused to think about it. “I’ve got to say, I’m really not interested in muddy footprints and stolen roses, though.”</p><p>“I always wanted kids,” Dani said. She stared off into the wall behind Jamie’s head. “Two of them. One boy and one girl. She’d be the youngest and he would pick on her. She would secretly love it.”</p><p>Jamie whistled, “Two is definitely a handful. I could barely watch over Miles and Flora for a couple hours. I’m not sure I could even do a dog.”</p><p>Dani bit her lip, “You can keep the plants alive and I keep the tiny humans alive.” Her face fell when she remembered that wasn’t going to happen anymore. She stood up and cleared her dishes as she went. From the counter she called, “I’m just a little sad right now, Jamie, but I don’t want you to ever think you’re not enough family for me. Because you are.”</p><p>Jamie grinned as she took the last bite of their dinner. </p><p>Dani stopped calling every week, but every week she picked up the phone as if she was about to, only to set it back down. Sometimes she laughed to herself over the idea that whoever called the manor and never said anything was simply trying to talk to the kids just like she was now.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll be back in a few,” Jamie called over her shoulder as she opened the umbrella and rushed into the rainy street. She was on her way to get sandwiches from the deli down the street for her and Dani. </p><p>The door closed and Dani pulled the sides of her cardigan tighter around her. A cold breeze had pushed in through the opening and it left the storefront chilly. The sky was dark and any orange leaves still on the trees were being forced into the ground. Dani wanted to turn the heater on, but with it being a plant shop, the temperature had to be set thoughtfully by Jamie every single day.</p><p>The doorbell rang and more wind rushed in as a customer walked into the shop. With her back turned, Dani mouthed a few curse words because she had just started to warm up again.</p><p>“Good afternoon,” a woman said. “I’m looking for a particular kind of flower and I was hoping you could help me.”</p><p>Dani forced a classic, customer-service smile across her face, but the second she turned around it was gone. “Oh, my God, Mrs. O’Mara,” she squeaked.</p><p>It was, indeed, the mother of her dead, ex-fiance standing in front of her that day in the shop. The woman, with long, dark hair, stared back at Dani, dumbfounded. She had not changed a bit since she had dropped off that lasagna so long ago.</p><p>“Dani?” Mrs. O’Mara cried. When the shock had momentarily died off, she stepped forward and pulled the young woman into a hug. “Oh, it’s so good to see you. We’ve missed you so much.”</p><p>“I’ve missed you, too,” Dani said. Her eyes were still wide and she could barely process the words Mrs. O’Mara was saying to her. She didn’t know why she thought she could come back to her hometown, even if it was a city, and think she could avoid the people from the life she’d left behind. It sounded so foolish in retrospect. But, Jamie had fallen in love with the city and Dani had never quite fallen out of love with it.</p><p>Mrs. O’Mara took her heavy rain jacket off and draped it over her arm. “How long have you been back? I just talked to your mother the other day and she said she didn’t know when you would be done travelling.”</p><p>Dani nodded, awkwardly, “A– a bit. I’ve been back for a bit.”</p><p>“Well, you’ve missed quite a lot. I have so much to tell you.” Mrs. O’Mara took a seat on the stool beside the counter like the old family friend she was, not knowing that the girl she had loved for so long was not the same one standing before her now. Settled, and with her coat now across her lap, she began. “Louisa and Carson are getting married in December. She’s so excited, hasn’t stopped talking about it since Carson proposed. Of course, it has been a bit hard for them– knowing that Edmund won’t be there.”</p><p>“I remember her talking about her dream wedding since the day Carson first brought her home,” Dani almost whispered. All it took was two minutes with Edmund’s mother and the feeling of guilt she had managed to let go was slowly starting to creep back in already.</p><p>“Oh, she’s over the moon with excitement. Of course, you’ll be coming. We didn’t send you an invite because we didn’t know where to send it, but I’ll let her know you’ll be there after all.”</p><p>Dani shook her head, “Oh, that’s okay, Mrs. O’Mara. I’m sure they already got the food ordered and the seating charts set up.”</p><p>Mrs. O’Mara chuckled and waved her hand, “Don’t be silly, sweetheart. It’s just a seating chart and there’s going to be more than enough food. Edmund would have wanted you there. After all, you would be their sister if things had happened differently.”</p><p>Hot tears burned at the back of Dani’s eyes and she felt like she was going to throw up. For the first time in so long, she had been thrust into a life she had finally shaken off. A life in which she was hiding, apologizing, sharing secret glances with women she could never take on dates. She had been a shell of a human. And now, Dani was full. Dani was content. Without knowing it, Mrs. O’Mara was forcing her back into that shell.</p><p>“No, I wouldn’t be,” Dani gasped. As she said the words, the tears poured over and she was sobbing. The guilt that had creeped in the back of her mind the past few moments seemed to slip out with the tears. She was tired of pretending with the people who were supposed to be her family. Dani would not give up the freedom she now had and to do that meant she had to stop holding onto the fake life she had tucked herself into for so long. Even now, with Jamie, she always knew that she had another side of her waiting for a moment like this to protect her. No, she had to let it go and it started here. “I wouldn’t be Carson’s sister or your daughter or Edmund’s wife.”</p><p>Mrs. O’Mara laughed, probably unsure of what else to do. “I know it does no use to dwell on the what-could-have-beens. You’re right, I guess it was meant to happen this way, even if it is hard to accept there would ever be a reason.” She had really gone far to explain away what Dani was saying. In fact, it felt like Mrs. O’Mara would rather have the serenity of not knowing what Dani was about to say.</p><p>Dani pushed on. “No, I mean that I called off the wedding.” The tears picked up. “Right before he died, I told him I couldn’t marry him. He got out of the car, and he got hit by that truck.”</p><p>With shaking hands, Mrs. O’Mara sat up straighter and folded her fingers together in her lap. “Why would you do that? You were soulmates from the day you two met.”</p><p>“No,” Dani shook her head. “Maybe I was his soulmate, but he could never be mine. And trust me, I tried so hard to make it happen, but he could never be mine. I can’t have a soulmate like him.”</p><p>The always-composed Mrs. O’Mara let out a single tear. “I don’t think I understand, Danielle.”</p><p>And, of course, Jamie returned to the shop right then. She had a brown bag of sandwiches tucked under her arm and was fighting with the umbrella, now broken and inverted. “Hi, baby, I’ve got lunch. Of course, this damned umbrella broke on me while I was crossing the street. Pretty much couldn’t see anything and almost walked right into the window there instead of the door.” It finally snapped closed and Jamie came face to face with Mrs. O’Mara. After a second, she noticed Mrs. O’Mara’s singular tear and then the mascara stains sliding down Dani’s cheeks. “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize we had a customer. Everything alright?”</p><p>Mrs. O’Mara sniffed and looked Jamie up and down. “I suppose this is what you were talking about.” For the first time in Dani’s entire life, Mrs. O’Mara looked at her with disgust. “Is it her? Did you break up with Edmund, let him walk into a truck, for her?”</p><p>“Hold on,” Jamie snapped.</p><p>Dani shook her head, “No, Mrs. O’Mara. That’s not how it happened.”</p><p>Suddenly, Mrs. O’Mara’s hand flung out and a loud slap rang throughout the store. Jamie’s face was now turned to the side and her own hand covered the now red skin.</p><p>“What the hell?” Jamie yelled.</p><p>A second one rang out. This time, Mrs. O’Mara cupped her face and stared, shocked, at Dani whose hands were in a ball next to her. “Don’t you dare hit my girlfriend like that.”</p><p>“I don’t recognize you,” Mrs. O’Mara hissed.</p><p>Dani stepped closer until their eyes were inches apart. “I’m only going to tell you this once. It is not my fault that Edmund happened to get out of the car at that moment or that the truck happened to be going too fast down that street right then. It could have happened if he got out of the car to open my door or to go into the convenience store and get more cigarettes. Jamie had nothing to do with it. She is an amazing woman, who has challenged me in so many ways to be a better person. And Edmund, as great as he was, would never have been able to pull me out of half the things Jamie has. The saddest part is, there’s this amazing woman standing next to you who loves the person you called yourself a mother to and she loves her right back, and you, Mrs. O’Mara, are never going to get to know either of them for who they truly are. Now, get out of our store and don’t ever come back.”</p><p>Jamie slid her hand into Dani’s and both squared their jaws while Mrs. O’Mara stumbled, in shock, out of the store. As the door closed, the anger, anxiety, fear, and sadness mixed up inside Dani boiled over. Her shoulders began to shake, her breath ragged, and her mascara began to reach her chin. </p><p>“Hey,” Jamie said, and pulled Dani into her shoulder. “Here’s what we’re gonna do, okay? We’ll close the shop early today, I’ll take you home and we can eat our lunch on the couch watching your favorite movies. Might even get you a big bowl of ice cream. How’s that sound?”</p><p>Dani shook her head and managed to release the word, “No.”</p><p>“No?” Jamie asked. “You’re right, what was I thinking? You’ll need a whole tub.”</p><p>Dani let out a laugh. It was enough to pull her back into the moment and the tears slowed a bit, at least enough for her to talk more. “I mean, Mrs. O’Mara is going to call my mom and tell her everything.”</p><p>“We’ll get there when we get there, right?” Jamie said. “One day at a time.”</p><p>“One day at a time,” Dani whispered back.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>CW: Mention of suicide, nothing graphic</p><p>Some small details have been changed for the sake of this story.</p><p>Follow me on Twitter for updates: @ministana</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The day Dani’s and Jamie’s lives changed forever was the day both had woken up in a bad mood. Both were hungover after a long dinner party the previous night with Ellie and her latest boyfriend. There were a lot of partners in the past year, but this one had managed a month with Ellie which was cause for celebration. </p><p>It had been a long night of alcohol, party games, and loud laughter. Jamie and Dani walked their guests out and saw them into the cab then returned to their bed, sleeping before they could even say goodnight. The morning brought headaches and queasy stomachs, which never resulted in particularly good moods.</p><p>“Who’s opening today?” Jamie groaned. It was a good day to be hungover, if there was ever a good day since on Sundays the store didn’t open until noon.</p><p>Dani rolled onto her side with her back to Jamie, “I’m not going to unless you’re there.”</p><p>“Last time, I opened while you slept,” Jamie said.</p><p>“And I did before that so we’re even now.” Dani yanked the blanket up over her bare shoulders. The room was pretty chilly. She felt Jamie wrap her arms around her from behind and plant a kiss on Dani’s shoulder. “Sex isn’t going to change my mind.”</p><p>Jamie sighed and resigned to just cuddling her girlfriend. “Worth a shot.” She took a deep breath. “I need something to settle my stomach.”</p><p>Dani nodded in agreement and slowly pushed herself out of bed. She grabbed the sweater which she had apparently left on the floor the previous night and wrapped it around herself. The more she walked the worse she felt so, in the kitchen, she pulled a counter stool in front of the oven where she sat making coffee. A few crackers helped a bit, but she knew that she would need a greasy breakfast to push herself over the edge.</p><p>The coffee pot began to bubble and Dani filled two waiting mugs. It had only taken a year of coffee every day from Ellie to finally convince Jamie of its importance. Now, Jamie was so dependent on her morning cup of coffee that even Dani’s subpar brew was tolerable.</p><p>At the smell of coffee, Jamie stumbled through the apartment in socks and an oversized t-shirt. “God, the sun is so bright this morning.” She sat down at the counter and readily accepted the crackers and coffee. “Are you going to make breakfast?”</p><p>“I made the coffee,” Dani cried.</p><p>“Okay, Poppins, coffee and breakfast are not equal tasks,” Jamie snapped back. “Maybe we should just pick up something on the way to work.”</p><p>Dani shook her head, “We’re not opening the store feeling like zombies.”</p><p>“Not like anyone’s gonna be there at noon on a Sunday, anyway,” Jamie said.</p><p>“You said that last time and it was our busiest Sunday in a month.” Dani swallowed another cracker and washed it down with a sip of coffee. “If you go now to the bagel shop, you’ll make it back in time for us to start getting ready for work.”</p><p>Jamie scoffed and pointed at her chest, “Me?” Dani just raised her coffee mug in response which elicited a loud and dramatic groan from Jamie. “Fine, but you owe me.”</p><p>“Yes, because walking downstairs is so taxing,” Dani quipped back. It was true, their apartment building sat on top of a bagel shop, an eye doctor, and a convenience store. Jamie was glad it wasn’t a pub and Dani was excited to have such easy access to her favorite breakfast food.</p><p>With Jamie gone into the bedroom to find pants and a jacket, Dani grabbed the morning’s newspaper from outside their door. As always, nothing interesting graced the daily news. Even as a kid, Dani always thought this was probably the most boring city in the world. Back then she hated it, but now she couldn’t be more grateful for the quiet normal.</p><p>The telephone rang and Jamie called for Dani to answer. Dani inwardly groaned but knew that it was only fair at this point. Besides, it wasn’t that far from where she sat. The phone was attached to the wall just next to the fridge. </p><p>“Hello?” Dani said into the receiver. She had it tucked between her shoulder and her ear as she leaned against the wall and sipped her coffee. </p><p>“Dani?” A familiar voice asked on the other end.</p><p>Immediately, Dani straightened up and grabbed the phone back into her hand. “Owen, hi.”</p><p>Jamie padded out from the bedroom and, after hearing Dani refer to the caller by name, grinned and rushed over. “Let me say hi.” Dani held the receiver between the two of them and Jamie greeted Owen.</p><p>“It’s good to talk to you two again,” Owen said. Their communication wasn’t the best, but they still made sure to call at least once a month. His voice was usually more chipper and light hearted than it was today, now solemn and quiet.</p><p>“Everything okay?” Jamie asked.</p><p>Owen was quiet for a moment on the other end, “No, it’s not. It’s about Henry. He was in a car accident and he didn’t make it, I’m afraid.”</p><p>Time stood still in that moment. Dani had really only seen Henry twice in her entire time working for him, but even so he had felt like such a main presence in her life the whole time. Besides, there was a connection forged between everyone present that night, their last night at Bly. It felt like he was the first link to fall and she felt the Lady start to claw a tiny bit in the back of her mind.</p><p>“Christ,” Jamie whispered. She ran a hand through her hair.</p><p>“And the kids?” Dani asked. Her heart beat fast in her chest. She didn’t know what she would do if they had gotten hurt, too.</p><p>“The kids are fine,” Owen rushed to assure. “They’re here with me now. Turns out they had just gotten to Paris yesterday morning.”</p><p>Jamie grabbed Dani’s arm to steady herself. “Blimey, Owen, tell me those kids aren’t going to the system.”</p><p>“No, no. It used to be they would go to Hannah,” Owen’s voice wavered at the sound of her name. He cleared his throat and kept going. “But, Henry changed his will three days ago. He’s named you two their legal guardians.”</p><p>“What?” Dani’s voice was small, scared. She felt Jamie’s hand tighten around her. </p><p>“Tell me how it happened,” Jamie said. Her voice was flat, with no emotion. Dani looked over at her girlfriend, confused as to how she could focus on anything other than the fact that they were now in charge of two children.</p><p>“I don’t think–,” Owen started.</p><p>“Owen,” Jamie almost yelled, “tell me how it happened.”</p><p>Owen let out a deep sigh, “He was drunk and his car hit a tree going around a turn.”</p><p>All three were silent and Dani knew Jamie was making the same connections that she was making, the connections Owen had probably put together hours ago. The updated will, the arrival in the same city as Owen (who was the closest to Italy, where Henry, Flora, and Miles had apparently been staying the past few months after a short time in New York), Henry’s death within 24 hours of their arrival… He had made sure the kids were all taken care of before he took his own life.</p><p>Jamie started hyperventilating. She set her hands on her hips and leaned forward a bit. “I’m gonna be sick.”</p><p>“Look, I know this is a lot to take in,” Owen said. “There’s still more paperwork and legal stuff to parse through here. Miles and Flora are more than welcome to stay with me, of course, so just take your time.”</p><p>“Thank you for calling, Owen,” Dani said. “We’ll talk soon, okay?”</p><p>“Of course,” Owen said. Then the two hung up.<br/>
Dani pulled Jamie over to the couch and handed her a small wastebasket in case she did happen to get sick. She rubbed her back quietly, letting everything from the conversation fall over her again and again as if the more she thought about it the less shock she would feel.</p><p>After a bit, Jamie seemed to feel better because her breathing slowed and she set the wastebasket on the floor below her. She didn’t say anything yet, though, just stared straight ahead.</p><p>“They’re all gone,” Jamie whispered. “The Wingraves. Except for Miles and Flora, of course, but Charlotte, Dominic, and now Henry…” Her voice fell off. Sometimes Dani forgot that Jamie had worked for that family for so long. With her record, Jamie had really struggled to find someone to trust her enough to hire her as a gardener. It was Charlotte who was set to do Jamie’s interview and, according to Jamie, Charlotte opened the front door, saw the pain in Jamie’s eyes, and offered her the job immediately. From what Dani had heard, Charlotte always had a way to see someone for exactly who they are. And not too long after Jamie started, it was just quietly assumed that she was part of the family. When Hannah was overwhelmed, or Charlotte went out, Jamie would take Miles and Flora into the garden and show them how to plant flowers or teach them to name the herbs they harvested. They were her second family, after having lost her first one and now, she had all but lost this one, too. </p><p>More quiet tears fell from Jamie’s eyes. She pressed a fist against her forehead, the pressure of it releasing some of the pain she felt. When the initial shock passed a bit and Jamie descended into silent grief, Dani took her girlfriend’s hand. “What are we going to do?”</p><p>Jamie sniffed. “What do you mean?”</p><p>“About Miles and Flora,” Dani said. “What are we going to do?”</p><p>“Bring them here, of course,” Jamie said. Her eyebrows crumpled, confused by Dani’s question.</p><p>Dani shook her head a bit, “Don’t they have any other family?”</p><p>Jamie used a kleenex to wipe her nose. “Charlotte was raised by her great aunt and Dominic and Henry’s parents died before the kids were born. You, me, and Owen are all the family they have left. And you know Owen loves them to death, but wouldn’t know what to do with them every day. Especially with a new restaurant.”</p><p>“There has to be another option for them,” Dani whispered. Saying it broke her heart. She wanted so badly to take in those two kids. She would go to the ends of the earth for them, but she knew she couldn’t.</p><p>The pushback from Dani angered Jamie, who moved away from Dani a little. “You’re saying you don’t want them?”</p><p>“No,” Dani rushed to say. “I just mean… they’ve seen too much death as it is. I don’t want to give them a home knowing that they’ll see mine someday soon.”</p><p>Tears rose up again in Jamie’s eyes and she slid her hand behind Dani’s neck. “Don’t talk like that. After Henry, I can’t think about losing you today, too.”</p><p>“We have to think about it,” Dani whispered.</p><p>“No,” Jamie asserted. “We can have so much more time. They’re going to have to deal with losing us eventually, even if it wasn’t for the Lady in the Lake.”</p><p>“It’s hard enough thinking about leaving you,” Dani said. “I can’t deal with the guilt of leaving them, too.”</p><p>“That’s what you’re doing now, though, Dani.” Jamie used her hand to tilt Dani’s chin up and guide her eyes back to Jamie’s. “You’re leaving them now or you’re leaving them later. I’ve been in the system and, trust me, they would rather have you leave them later after having years of a loving home than have you leave them to the system now.”</p><p>Dani readjusted on the couch until her legs draped over Jamie’s and she could wrap both arms around Jamie’s neck. Both held eye contact for a long time. Then, she said, “I know I said we had to open the store together, today, but what if you open by yourself and I go to the travel agency to pick up some plane tickets?”</p><p>The fear was still there for Dani. She knew that she had been effectively raising those kids successfully for months at one point, if you take out the murderous ghosts, that is, so they could do it again. Somehow, though, the idea of having Flora and Miles close again seemed to cause an itch in the back of her brain. The Lady of the Lake wanted to be close to them. One day at a time, though, and today she was not in control.</p><p>“Mm, we’ll probably need a bigger place, too,” Jamie said as she looked around their apartment.</p><p>“I like this apartment,” Dani said. “It was our first home together.”</p><p>“They can sleep on the pullout for a bit, don’t you think?” Jamie asked.</p><p>Dani nodded, “It’ll be humbling after that massive manor.”</p>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>CW: Passing mention of suicide, nothing graphic.</p>
<p>Follow me on twitter for updates: @ministana</p>
<p>I'm thinking about posting more often. There's just a lot written and I want to get it out to you all faster. What posting schedule do you prefer? Let me know in the comments!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Three days later, Ellie dropped Dani and Jamie off at the airport. She spent the entire drive telling them about her break up with the guy who had managed to last a month. The other two sat silent, barely listening, but they were thankful for the slight distraction from the impending upheaval of their lives.</p>
<p>They packed light, Dani in her classic red backpack and Jamie in a black duffel bag. Each packed a single pair of jeans besides the one they currently wore, a sweater and a few t-shirts, and both had black dresses intended for Henry’s funeral.</p>
<p>Ellie had offered to cover the plant shop since she had a few employees to cover her own store. This was the first thing that managed to send Jamie over the edge. Plants meant everything to Jamie and her plants in her shop were one of the few things she could control. Handing that over to a self-proclaimed plant killer kept her up at night more so than the arrival of two young children into her life. The night before their flight, Jamie couldn’t sleep so she stayed up for hours writing out a guide for every plant in the shop. Before they climbed into Ellie’s car, she made her promise multiple times to follow the guide closely.</p>
<p>The long plane ride left both with a lot of time to think. Dani’s thoughts were invaded by the curse that had settled inside of her. She turned the anxiety onto a topic that seemed much easier to overanalyze: her mother. After her encounter with Mrs. O’Mara, she fully expected her mom to barge into the shop in her typical dramatic fashion to make a scene. The first few days were agonizing. Then, when two weeks passed with no arrival, she wondered if a phone call would come in. Jamie took all the shop calls from then on without being asked to, but still, no call came in. Dani didn’t know if her mother was never going to talk to her again or if Mrs. O’Mara hadn’t actually told her what Dani had said.</p>
<p>After thinking about it over and over in her head, Dani realized that the dramatic fashion of her mom is exactly why she couldn’t know about Dani being back or about Jamie. Mrs. Clayton would never miss a chance to throw a fit. And so, bored during an extra long layover in Miami, Dani decided to find a payphone and call her mom.</p>
<p>“You sure?” Jamie asked, incredulous. She had just returned to their spot in the terminal with a coffee in hand for both and a snickers bar for herself. </p>
<p>Dani took the cup and nodded with a forced smile. “It’s time. If she doesn’t know, then she deserves to be given the opportunity before she shows up wondering when I had time to have two kids.”</p>
<p>The payphone booths were a few gates down. No one else was there, which Dani liked. Still, she sat in the corner one hoping anyone that might show up would sit on the other side. Her hand floated in front of the coin slot, waiting. She didn’t know what she was waiting for. The right moment? Someone to insert it for her? Some kind of message that it was right? Finally, she realized none of those things would happen and so she counted to three and then dropped in the coin. </p>
<p>The phone rang for a bit. She wondered if her mom would pick up. It was still early, but she would probably be up getting ready for work. Then, a click came from the other side of the line.</p>
<p>“Hello?”</p>
<p>“Hi, mom,” Dani said.</p>
<p>“Oh, Danielle, you’ve had me worried sick,” her mother said. “It’s been months.”</p>
<p>Dani swallowed. “Have you talked to Mrs. O’Mara recently?”</p>
<p>“No, I saw her at Carson’s wedding last week, but she was too busy rushing around to say hi. It's a bit rude, in my opinion, but I guess that’s how mothers’ are at their kid’s weddings. Not that I would know. Why do you ask?” There was a chiseling sound on the other end and Dani could picture her mother sitting in the arm chair beside the phone, filing her nails as she talked. </p>
<p>Dani took a breath and let that one go. Clearly, Mrs. O’Mara was being polite, but keeping a distance. She wouldn’t be surprised if after the wedding, the two would never talk again. “I saw her a while ago and I thought she would have told you.”</p>
<p>The nail file stopped. “You saw her? Where?”</p>
<p>Here we go, Dani thought. “I’m back home.”</p>
<p>Her mother went silent and the phone scraped a little bit as though it was jostled. “What do you mean you’re back home?”</p>
<p>“Um, I met someone. In England, I met someone and we came back almost a year ago.”</p>
<p>“You’ve been back for a year and you never thought to let your poor mother know? I’ve been worried sick about you ever since Edmund died. Here you are traipsing around the world with another man and you don’t even bother to tell me you’ve moved on, but you have no problem getting coffee with Mrs. O’Mara.” </p>
<p>Dani rolled her eyes and huffed. “Mom, stop. You’re being ridiculous.”</p>
<p>Mrs. Clayton scoffed, “Ridiculous?”</p>
<p>“I didn’t get coffee with Mrs. O’Mara. I ran into her and it wasn’t exactly a good interaction.” Dani leaned her elbows on the table. She knew she was beating around the bush and she needed to get it out. “I opened a store on the west side. She happened to come in and let’s just say she wasn’t too happy when she left.”</p>
<p>“A store? Oh, my God, Dani. What else aren’t you telling me?”</p>
<p>So much, Dani thought, remembering how this very reaction was why she never bothered telling her mom much of anything growing up. “I own it with the girl I met in England.”</p>
<p>That was the first thing that really shut her mom up. “A girl? Like a friend?”</p>
<p>“No, mom, not like a friend.” Dani’s voice dropped, quieter, even though no one was around her. “We live together.”</p>
<p>“Like… in a one bedroom?”</p>
<p>Dani really tried hard to hold back a laugh, “Yeah, just like that.”</p>
<p>“Hmm,” her mom said. “I can’t believe you never told me you… like those kinds of apartments.”</p>
<p>Leave it to her mom to find the weirdest way to avoid calling her daughter gay. That was a laugh that Dani couldn’t hold back anymore. “I thought Mrs. O’Mara told you.”</p>
<p>“No, that woman thinks it’s a sin to gossip. You know, I always thought your friendship with Susan Kellar was a little off.”</p>
<p>“What are you talking about?” Dani asked.</p>
<p>“I’m just saying I think I knew all along,” Mrs. Clayton said. The annoyance returned. Her mother’s self-absorption was annoying, but it certainly was a better response than Mrs. O’Mara’s. “Now, tell me where your shop is. I have to see it for myself.”</p>
<p>Dani winced. “That’s the thing, I’m not really there right now. I’m in Miami.”</p>
<p>“Oh, Dani,” her mother said. Disappointment dripped from her words. “You never cut me a break, do you? If it’s not one thing, it’s another. Anything else you would like to tell me? Do you have a tattoo?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, there’s probably something else you should know. Jamie and I are going to Paris to pick up the kids I was watching in England a year ago. Their uncle died and left them to us,” she closed her eyes tight. It really was a lot she was throwing at her mom at once.  </p>
<p>“I’m too young to be a grandma,” Mrs. Clayton groaned.</p>
<p>“Actually–”.</p>
<p>“Don’t get smart with me,” her mother warned. She let out a long sigh. “I guess I’ll just have to make do. Life never does stop throwing curve balls, now does it? You’ll need to send me their clothing sizes when you get there.”</p>
<p>A feeling in Dani’s chest burst open and a smile couldn’t stop spreading across her face. “Okay, I’ll do that.”</p>
<p>“When will you be back?”</p>
<p>“Next Monday.”</p>
<p>Her mother sighed again, “That’s only 12 days. Seriously, Dani, most daughters give their mothers nine months warning. I have so much shopping to do. I need to go make a list, so you better call when you land. You hear?”</p>
<p>Dani agreed, and hung up. She walked slowly back to Jamie, unable to contain the smile. She wondered if maybe she hadn’t given her mom enough slack growing up. No, Dani decided. Her mom was still over the top, condescending, and selfish. She just cared about her daughter at the same time.</p>
<p>“I take it it went well by that grin on your face,” Jamie said. She looked up  over her book at her girlfriend.</p>
<p>“She’s mad we didn’t give her nine months warning for her new grandkids.” Dani dropped into the seat beside Jamie.</p>
<p>Jamie laughed, “I’m a bit peeved about it myself, tell you the truth.” She leaned over and gently knocked shoulders with Dani. “I’m glad for you, Poppins. You deserve that.”</p>
<p>Dani didn’t want to get her hopes up. Somehow, her mom frequently found ways to let her down. But, she did have some small hope that it would be the same things her mother had always done and not this. Something told her that her mother didn’t much care if Dani was in love with Jamie or Edmund, all she cared about was someone she could fuss over for the sake of attention and dramatics.</p>
<p>~~~~~~~</p>
<p>It was late when Dani and Jamie arrived in the Paris airport. The signs were impossible to read, especially for Dani who had downed a drink or two on the plane, but they eventually found their way to Owen. He waved them down from across the room and then took care to hug each one, holding it for a while.</p>
<p>Owen was a mix of sollen and excited. Him and Jamie had a quiet moment offering each other words of comfort to which Dani quietly witnessed. Their relationship with Henry had been very different than hers and she had to respect that.</p>
<p>“How was your travel?” Owen asked as he guided the two out of the airport and into the waiting car.</p>
<p>“Not too shabby,” Jamie said. “If Miami is anything like their airport, I feel good crossing that state off my list.”</p>
<p>“Thank you for picking us up.” Dani smiled over at Owen. She had missed him a lot more than she realized she had. He opened the trunk of his car and took the backpack from each woman before placing them in. Jamie took the seat up front and Dani took the back middle seat so she could lean through and talk to the others easier. Even though it was night, the Paris airport was still busy and the way out required a bit of idling in traffic. “Where are the kids?”</p>
<p>Owen glanced at Dani in his rearview mirror. “My sous chef is watching them back at my apartment. They get on swimmingly so I’m sure they’re just having a splash.”</p>
<p>Jamie groaned, but Dani continued before she could say anything back. “A sous chef? Aren’t those the ones with a lot of knives?”</p>
<p>“We’re chefs, Dani, we’ve all got a lot of knives,” Owen responded.</p>
<p>Jamie reached back through the seats and rubbed Dani’s knee a bit. “Besides, I’ve heard the sous chefs are the most trustworthy of the lot.” Then, she looked at Owen. “Gotten a bit anxious, this one. Lost it somewhere over Scotland and I had to get a few shots in her to calm her nerves.”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry it’s just,” Dani sighed, “I still feel like I’m just their au pair and I can’t wrap my head around the fact that we’re their parents now. It just feels like everything is so much more real. If they piss me off, I can’t just quit, you know?”</p>
<p>Owen chuckled, “This news probably couldn’t come at a better time, then. Henry apparently opened a bank account in my name a few days ago as well. He said it’s to organize his memorial service and the transition of the kids to you.” </p>
<p>“Damn,” Jamie said and cleared her throat.</p>
<p>Again, all three went silent with the gut punch that comes from remembering that the person you cared about took their own life. It’s a hard thing to wrap your head around and a different kind of grief than any other. The anger in Dani when she thought about it made her want to punch the seat in front of her. Still, as much as she wanted to think she could have helped, or Jamie could have helped, or Owen, she knew that there was so much more behind it. Henry was owed some level of forgiveness because she could never know the kind of pain that resided inside of him.</p>
<p>“Anyway,” Owen started, his voice cracked slightly as though he was holding back tears. “I thought it would be nice to give you two a few last nights on your own. I booked you a nice hotel, just the two of you. You’ll have the kids everyday for years. I can watch them a few more nights.”</p>
<p>They both thanked him for the consideration. The rest of the car ride was filled with idle chatter of friends who hadn’t seen each other in a while. Owen talked about his restaurant. Jamie and Dani talked about the shop. No one talked about Henry, or Hannah, or Peter, or Rebecca. </p>
<p>The hotel was nestled inside a historic corner of Paris. It was a big room, equipped with a small kitchenette, a sitting area, a bathroom with a claw foot tub, and a bed with rose petals elegantly dropped on top of the white comforter. A small balcony extended from the sitting area and offered a perfect view of the Eiffel Tower. Despite the summer night, it was a bit chilly. Dani pulled Jamie out into the night and draped her arms across Jamie’s shoulders and around her neck. Their heads leaned against each other as they looked out at Paris in the night.</p>
<p>“Poppins?”</p>
<p>“Yeah?” Dani asked. She pulled Jamie a little closer.</p>
<p>“We’re living in a rom-com now,” Jamie said. The two burst out laughing at the same time. When she spoke again, her voice was softer. “It was really nice of Owen to think of this.”</p>
<p>Dani nodded. “This is beautiful.” </p>
<p>She let out a deep sigh, but for the first time in the last few days, it wasn’t out of grief, it was out of contentment. There’s something about the moments heavy with grief that offer a connection with oneself. It’s in those moments that sometimes, if you’re lucky enough, you can feel the presence of being content like no other time. It shouldn’t be confused with joy. No, it’s not quite joy. It’s something more like an overwhelming feeling of being present and aware of your life exactly where you are. Dani’s feet felt more planted on the earth than she could ever remember feeling. The brisque air felt a little sharper, but not because of temperature. The knowledge that she had Jamie and Jamie had her and in a few short days they would be moving two kids into their life permanently felt more real. The sense of living stared down against the absence of life.</p>
<p>“Did you ever want to have kids?” Dani asked Jamie. “I know you said it wasn’t an option for us. But, that aside, did you ever imagine yourself as a mom?”</p>
<p>Jamie craned her neck to look at Dani and left a gentle kiss on her cheek. “I was 13 when I realized I was gay so I guess I never really thought there would be a life where I could have one. Back then it wasn’t really an option. It just felt easier not to put too much thought into it one way or the other.”</p>
<p>“How do you feel about it now?” Dani asked.</p>
<p>“It feels different somehow, like it’s not the same. Having kids is different than raising Miles and Flora. I was there for potty training and broken bones. They were already family and now they need a good home.” Jamie paused and then let out a quiet laugh. “Once, I was tending the ivy ‘round the back of Bly. Flora, couldn’t have been more than six, walked up to me confidently with one of her little dolls and a small suitcase in hand. I asked her where she planned on going. She looked up at me with that face she makes, the one where she is absolutely sure of something like it’s a fact. And she said, ‘home with you. To the pub.’ Found out later, she and Miles got into a fight and she wanted to run away. I sounded like the closest thing to home she could think of.”<br/>Dani smiled wide at the story. “You know, they talked about you a lot. They love you.”</p>
<p>Jamie reached over and gently poked Dani in the chest. “You were different for them. In the few short months you were their au pair, they learned more about themselves than even with their own parents. You challenged them to be better.”</p>
<p>“It was unusual circumstances,” Dani shook her head in disagreement. “Any child gains wisdom in a situation like that.”</p>
<p>“Not any child. Children with a strong person to look up to, those are the ones that do,” Jamie insisted. </p>
<p>Suddenly, fear filled Dani and she closed her eyes tight. She didn’t like thinking about the experiences at Bly. She wished she could erase all the bad and only remember the happy moments. But the Lady in the Lake, the one sharing rent inside of her now, could never let that happen. And Dani was getting tired of fighting her every day. She was so tired and that scared her. Ever since they had learned that they would be taking Miles and Flora home with them, Dani could feel the Lady in the Lake start to wake up inside of her. She thought it was just the recollection of memories from that time now that she felt closer to it. It didn’t go away, though.</p>
<p>“Jamie, she’s there right now,” Dani whimpered. Jamie’s body clenched and she turned to face Dani. “Every time I think about being closer to the kids, I feel her scratching, trying to get out.”</p>
<p>“You have to keep fighting,” Jamie said. “Promise me, you’ll keep fighting.”</p>
<p>Tears erupted in Dani’s eyes and she looked up at the lights over Jamie’s head. “I fight everyday and it’s so tiring.”</p>
<p>“Tell me how I can help.”</p>
<p>“You can’t,” Dani shook her head. “It has to be me.”</p>
<p>Jamie brushed her hand over the side of Dani’s face. “You’ve kept her at bay for two years now, baby. You can keep going a little longer.”</p>
<p>“What if a day comes where it isn’t about if I can keep her from taking me, but about protecting you or the kids from her? What am I supposed to do then?” Dani whispered.</p>
<p>“Then we deal with it when it gets here, okay?” Jamie begged. “Please. I need more time with you. One day isn’t enough.”</p>
<p>Dani nodded and held Jamie’s hand against herself, “I want more time, too. I’m just scared I can’t promise it.”</p>
<p>Jamie pulled her girlfriend closer to her and held her tight. “Do you ever wonder if there’s a way to break the bond?”</p>
<p>“Sometimes,” Dani said. “But then it wouldn’t end with me. She would take more people.”</p>
<p>“I care about you and I living our lives together,” Jamie said. “I don’t care about other people.”</p>
<p>Dani squeezed Jamie’s hand. “You and I both know that’s not true. And that’s why it’s so hard, because this has to end with me.”</p>
<p>A single, solitary tear slipped from Jamie’s eye and she rested her chin on Dani’s shoulder, looking out over the city. “We’re going to find a way.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>CW: Passing mention of suicide, nothing graphic.</p>
<p>Follow me on Twitter for updates: @ministana</p>
<p>NEW POSTING SCHEDULE: Mondays/Wednesdays/Fridays</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“They’re here, they’re here,” Flora yelled through Owen’s apartment. She bounded across the hardwood floors and wrapped her arms around Jamie and Dani both at once. The young girl, now ten, was impossibly taller than she had been two years ago. Her hair was short now and sat just below her shoulders. Time, however, could not take from her a joyful innocence. </p>
<p>Jamie crouched down beside the young girl, “Excuse me, ma’am, but have you seen Flora Wingrave? Dainty little thing, she is. Definitely not this tall young woman wearing a pink dress in front of me.” She began to tickle Flora until the girl fell from her feet out of laughter and into Jamie’s arms.</p>
<p>Miles stepped out into the entrance way and nodded once at each Jamie and Dani. Twelve now, Miles stood almost at the same height as Dani. He was a bit more sad than Flora appeared at first sight, but he had always been more pensive while Flora was the one to hide her own feelings to brighten up a room.</p>
<p>“Good to see you both,” Miles said. His voice squeaked a bit and Dani and Jamie shared a look between the two, trying to control any chuckles they had brimming against the surface. “Can I offer you any tea?”</p>
<p>“Oh, we grabbed coffee on our way here,” Dani said.</p>
<p>“Coffee, egh,” Flora said, and made a face as she did. Then, she looked over at Dani. “Miss Clayton, what do we call you now?”</p>
<p>Jamie winked at the young girl, “How about Mrs. Taylor?”</p>
<p>“You’re married?” Miles asked. It was the first time since Jamie and Dani had entered that they had seen him offer a genuine smile.</p>
<p>Dani playfully hit Jamie’s arm, “She’s just joking. You can call me Dani.”</p>
<p>“You should get married, you know,” Flora said. “Your wedding would be perfectly splendid.”</p>
<p>At Flora’s favorite phrase, Jamie smiled, but Dani felt a sharp pain reverberate through her head. She cried out and buckled over for a moment, hand on her forehead. </p>
<p>“You okay?” Jamie asked. She placed her hand on Dani’s back and leaned down a little to get a better view of what was happening.</p>
<p>The pain had subsided so Dani straightened back up and nodded. “I haven’t been sleeping well so I’m a bit tired. I’m just sad about Henry and excited to see you two.” The kids brushed it off, but Jamie clearly didn’t. Her eyes narrowed as she looked Dani’s face up and down. “I’m okay,” Dani whispered just to Jamie.</p>
<p>“I know what you need,” Flora stated. “Owen says, when you’re sad, all you need is some hot tea and a generous slice of cake. I’ll fetch it for you now. Come along, Miles.” She grabbed her brother’s hand and led him off into the kitchen.</p>
<p>“What was that?” Jamie asked, taking advantage of the brief privacy.</p>
<p>Dani shook her head, “I don’t know. It was only there for a second, and then it went away.” What she didn’t tell Jamie was that what had been a quiet scratch by the Lady before, suddenly turned into a pounding in that moment. The kind of knock that says ‘if you don’t let me in, I’ll find another way’. “I’m fine now, I promise.”</p>
<p>Jamie didn’t seem convinced, but before she could continue, Owen popped his head out from a neighboring room and waved the two women down. “There you are. Mind stepping in here for a minute?”</p>
<p>The room in question was a simple study. Bookcases lined the walls. There was one leather armchair in the corner and a desk in front of the window. A strange man sat behind the desk, looking over some papers. Owen stood before him, arms crossed as he stared down at the paper.</p>
<p>“This is Robert Carlisle. He’s not the attorney that handled Henry’s estate, but he is the one the other firm refers to in Paris. Mr. Carlisle is just about to go through it with us.” Owen pointed at the two women beside him. “This is Jamie Taylor and Dani Clayton.”</p>
<p>“It’s a pleasure,” Mr. Carlisle nodded. He was clearly French, though his English was impeccable with only a slight accent hovering over his speech. “Shall we jump right in? It shouldn’t take too long and I have another appointment in an hour.”</p>
<p>“Sure,” Dani shrugged.</p>
<p>Mr. Carlisle pulled his glasses from atop his head and placed them on his face. He picked up the papers, blinked at them for a moment, shuffled a few around, and then placed a handful onto the table. “I won’t bore you with the collections and heirlooms and such. The other firm will organize all of that and we will send confirmation of the process to Owen via post. We’ll focus on what is relevant. To begin, Mr. Wingrave was struggling a bit financially the past few years. After he and the children went abroad, he eventually stopped drinking, made a few very smart business deals, and nearly doubled what he had prior to his fall.”</p>
<p>“He stopped drinking?” Jamie whispered to Owen. Mr. Carlisle looked up over the paper and stared at her as if to tell her to quiet down. “Sorry.”</p>
<p>“So, sixty percent of his assets will be split equally between Miles and Flora Wingrave on top of what was already left to them by their parents. The other forty percent will be split equally between the three of you. That leaves a little more than thirteen percent for each of you, but don’t be fooled. It is still a large inheritance you are each receiving based on early estimates. The financial supervisor at the other firm is currently organizing the final amounts and their delivery to each of you. You’ll receive more information in the post shortly.” He went quiet and began to scan the page again.</p>
<p>“Is it meant to be used for anything?” Dani asked. “Like Miles’s and Flora’s education?”</p>
<p>Mr. Carlisle shook his head. “Mr. Wingrave is very clear. It is yours to do what you wish with. He says you are family to him and the children so it only felt right to honor that. Now, before I leave, there’s one more thing.” He pointed at Dani. “You are Danielle Clayton, correct?”</p>
<p>“Yes, that’s me,” Dani said. She was surprised she had been thought of in his will, for only having known Henry for a few months. It felt odd that there would be something else specifically addressed to her.</p>
<p>“Bly Manor has been left in your name,” Mr. Carlisle said. Dani paled and she could feel Jamie turning toward her, upset. “Since it was in the family so long it is fully paid and he has set up a bank account dedicated to paying the continued property taxes on it for 25 years, it looks like. There’s an odd line in here that I don’t have much information on. Mr. Wingrave wrote this in himself. It says, ‘I urge you not to sell the manor until you have broken the lock’. The other firm will know more about that. Additionally, he gave his lawyer a letter that was overnighted to me. Apparently, this explains everything.” He pulled the letter out of his briefcase, handed it to Dani and then began to pack up.</p>
<p>Jamie turned to Owen, “Did he leave any other letters that anyone could find?” Owen, with a grave face, shook his head no. All three stared down at the letter in Dani’s hand with the weight of meaning behind it. </p>
<p>Unaware of the quiet exchange, or simply used to it now and able to tune it out, Mr. Carlisle grabbed the last of his things. “Since I am not with the firm in charge of this will, I am afraid I cannot answer many questions. I have left their phone number on the desk and you can call them with anything else.”</p>
<p>“Let me show you out,” Owen said and left the room with the older man.</p>
<p>“I don’t understand,” Dani said as she stared at the letter. “Why would he leave this for me? Why would he leave me Bly?”</p>
<p>Jamie shook her head, her face starting to turn red with anger, “We’re going to sell it, first chance we get.”</p>
<p>“We can’t,” Dani said. “Clearly, he had a reason. Everything he did in the last week was methodical. He planned everything down to the last detail.”</p>
<p>“I don’t like this, Dani,” Jamie insisted. “It feels like he just opened the door you’ve been trying to close and you’re letting it happen.”</p>
<p>Dani poised herself to respond, but before she could, Flora walked in holding a tray that bore a cup of tea and a piece of vanilla strawberry cake. She stared carefully as she moved to ensure nothing spilled over. “Here you go, Mrs. Taylor,” Flora said through a grin. “Just what the doctor ordered.”</p>
<p>“Thank you,” Dani said. She leaned over to grab the tray from the little girl. “But I told you, I’m not Mrs. Taylor. Just Dani.”</p>
<p>“I know,” Flora nodded. “But Owen said if we really want something to happen we have to put it into the universe so it knows we want it. Kind of like a Christmas list for Santa Clause.”</p>
<p>Jamie laughed, “Owen’s been saying a lot of things it sounds like. Should probably go and have a chat with him about that.”</p>
<p>“Christmas,” Dani whispered to Jamie, her eyes a bit wide with stress.</p>
<p>Jamie remained frustrated about the ownership of Bly Manor throughout the rest of the trip, but after the first day decided to let it be a topic of conversation for when they returned home. It was already stressful enough, the transition from it being just Dani and Jamie to being Dani and Jamie plus Miles and Flora. The first time it felt real for Jamie was when Miles asked Owen if he could stay up late to hang out with the adults and Owen deferred the question to Jamie.</p>
<p>“Oh,” Jamie froze. “Dani should be back soon, she can decide.” She nodded, feeling good about that answer. Dani had gone out to get some more wine for the three of them only five minutes prior.</p>
<p>Miles groaned, “But that’s so long from now. I would have to start getting ready for bed in case she says no, but then what if she says yes and I’m already in my pajamas?”</p>
<p>The whining was getting to Jamie a bit and she rubbed her eyebrows. “Okay, okay, okay, I’ll make a decision.” She thought for a moment. Really, she thought about how she didn’t know how to do this and she pleaded Owen for help. He held up his hands in defense of his neutrality in the situation. “Fine. My decision is, you should sleep.”</p>
<p>“Please,” Miles begged. </p>
<p>“No,” Jamie shook her head. “The time change will be hard on you and I don’t want you losing sleep when you don’t have to. That’s my decision and I’m sticking with it. Now, go brush your teeth. Or whatever.”</p>
<p>Miles pouted all the way to the bathroom and shut the door a bit too loud for Jamie’s taste. She shouted after him that if he broke Owen’s door then he would have to build a new one. Owen laughed.</p>
<p>“You handled that superbly,” Owen said. </p>
<p>Jamie looked over her shoulder at the door. “Great, Dani can get back any time now. I could really use some of that wine.”</p>
<p>When Dani did return, Jamie immediately retold the story, including many glares Owen’s way for his part, and downed her glass. “Seriously, Poppins, you made it look easy.”</p>
<p>“Well, I would have probably said he could stay up,” Dani said. She took a seat next to Jamie on the couch and watched as Jamie paled. At the sight of her girlfriend’s inner panic, Dani laughed and set a hand on her thigh. “I’m kidding. I would have told him no and to get his ass to bed.”</p>
<p>Jamie sighed, “Such a comedian, this one. Don’t know what I’m going to do with her.”</p>
<p>“What’s this I hear from Flora about a wedding?” Owen asked.</p>
<p>“This comedian over here,” Dani pointed at Jamie, “thought it would be funny to make a ‘Mrs. Taylor’ joke to Flora and now she can’t get it out of her head.”</p>
<p>“I thought you should know that she has elected herself the official wedding planner,” Owen informed them. “You will each ride in on white horses that are draped in flowers.”</p>
<p>Jamie nodded, “Exactly what I was thinking. She’s hired.”</p>
<p>Dani squirmed in her seat. As much as she loved thinking about a life with Jamie, it was getting harder and harder to see over the scratching and knocking of the Lady in the Lake. It was getting closer, Dani could feel it, the day she would finally come. The scariest part wasn’t that she was coming. The scariest part was that Dani now knew, from the moment that she had heard Flora say the words ‘perfectly splendid’ only a day prior, she wasn’t coming for Dani. She was coming for Flora and Dani’s refusal to let that happen would result in her own death.<br/>She had woken up in the middle of the night the day before worrying about this very thing. Her mind was full of thoughts that maybe it would be better if she left before anything happened. But, she couldn’t bring herself to do that. Leaving even one day before she had to was too much, because as much as she was afraid, she wouldn’t give up even one day with Jamie.</p>
<p>“Did you read the letter?” Owen asked. The room had fallen silent for a while and evidently all of their minds had wandered.</p>
<p>“No,” Dani shook her head. “I can’t get myself to read it. I just don’t understand why he wanted me to have it.”</p>
<p>Owen set his glass down on his coffee table. “The letter or the manor?”</p>
<p>“Both,” Dani said. She pressed her eyebrows together. “Have Flora and Miles talked about what happened?”</p>
<p>“Flora said something a few days ago,” Owen nodded. “Something about how every once in a while she misses being tucked away with her mum and how she wished she could be tucked away with Henry for just a moment to say goodbye. Miles reminded her that Henry told them it was all a nightmare and that it wasn’t real.”</p>
<p>“Is that for the best, though?” Jamie asked. “Letting them forget and move on is one thing. Should we be lying to them about what happened?”</p>
<p>“If it helps them move on and heal,” Dani’s voice trailed off. </p>
<p>Jamie huffed and shook her head, “I think it does more damage to make them question what they know is real. Children deserve the truth.”</p>
<p>“Do you think they should know why I’m going to end up leaving some day?” Dani asked. Her voice was quiet and tight and her eyes locked in on a spot in the carpet. “Do we tell them now or do we just see how much time is left?”</p>
<p>Owen leaned across the table toward them, his eyes darting back and forth between the two. “What are you talking about?”</p>
<p>“The Lady in the Lake,” Jamie whispered. “To save Flora, Dani had to invite her in and someday, Bly is going to catch up with her.”</p>
<p>“And Henry left you Bly,” Owen said, putting the pieces together. Dani nodded and took a large gulp of her wine. “There’s got to be a reason he did it.”</p>
<p>“Enough about reasons. The man was a drunk,” Jamie snapped. “He drove himself into a tree and now he’s practically inviting Dani to do the same.”</p>
<p>“Excuse me,” came a delicate voice from the corner. Flora stood, half peering around the corner. “Can Owen put me to bed?”</p>
<p>He nodded and stood up from the couch, “Sure.” He raised his eyebrows in concern as he passed Dani and Jamie.</p>
<p>With the two out of sight, Dani stared at the corner where Flora had stood a moment before. “How much do you think she heard?”</p>
<p>“It’s Flora,” Jamie said. Her voice sounded exhausted. “We’ll probably never know.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Glad people are enjoying reading this story as much as I have had writing it. </p><p>Follow me on twitter for updates: @ministana</p><p>New posting schedule: Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Saying goodbye to Owen at the airport resulted in a lot of tears from Flora and many strong handshakes from Miles, who thought he was doing a good job choking back his own tears. Flora refused to let go of Owen until he promised he would come visit for Christmas. Jamie and Dani bid their own farewell, promising they would have a bigger place by then so he could stay. The four of them waved to Owen as he drove off and then found their place in line to check in. </p><p>At the other end of their trip, it was Dani’s mom who waited for the four of them. Ellie’s sedan was much too small to drive five people and all of their bags so Mrs. Clayton was their only choice. In her usual manner, she was dressed to the nines in a fancy dress, heels, and her hair perfectly curled. She held a large shopping bag in her hand that seemed to have some heft to it. When she saw Dani, she stood on her toes and waved from across the baggage claim area.</p><p>“Oh, boy,” Jamie whispered. She hiked Flora’s carry-on backpack over her shoulder. The girl was so tired she could barely keep her eyes open and Jamie had said that if Flora wore the backpack she would fall over from the weight and sleep where she landed. “Almost forgot I’m meeting the parents today.”</p><p>Dani shot her a supportive smile, “If it makes you feel any better, it’s just one.”</p><p>“Oh, yeah, that changes everything.” Jamie met her glance and the two shared a quiet moment.</p><p>“There you are,” Mrs. Clayton greeted. “I’ve been waiting so long my feet started to hurt. These are new shoes, you know. Bought them just for today.”</p><p>“Mom,” Dani interjected. If she let her mom go one much longer it would turn into a monologue about her closet. “This is Jamie and these are the kids.”</p><p>Mrs. Clayton took Jamie in for a moment, and then nodded. “Just as I thought, looks just how I imagined Susan Kellar would look at your age. Seems my Dani has a type.”</p><p>“Who’s Susan Kellar?” Jamie asked.</p><p>Dani shook her head, telling Jamie to let it go because it was of little importance and turned back to her mom, “Just introduce yourself to Miles and Flora.”</p><p>Miles stepped closer to the older woman and held out his hand. “I’m Miles, it is a pleasure to meet you. You look not a day older than Dani.”</p><p>Mrs. Clayton smiled and feigned modesty as she shook the boy’s hand. “You’re too kind. Just the definition of a charmer. And the accent, you’re going to have the girls chasing after you.” She looked at Dani and rushed to add, “Or boys.”</p><p>Her mother wasn’t acting any differently than Dani had thought she would, but she still covered her eyes for a second and sighed. “Seriously, mom.”</p><p>“What?” Mrs. Clayton cried. “I just want my grandchildren to get to know their grandma a little. Is that a crime?”</p><p>For the first time in the conversation, Flora’s round eyes stopped drooping and she took in the new woman before her. “You’re our grandma? How exciting. We’ve never had one of those before.”</p><p>Mrs. Clayton leaned down to be eye level with Flora. “You must be the delightful young Flora. I hear you like dolls.” Flora nodded emphatically. “Then I have just the thing for you.” She reached into the bag and pulled out a large doll with a red, white, and black gingham dress, a matching bow in her long brown hair, and a small locket. </p><p>“Wow,” Flora whispered. She slowly reached out to take the doll, suddenly forgetting how tired she was. “She’s perfectly splendid.”</p><p>At the words, again, Dani felt another sharp pain through her head. She closed her eyes this time and took a few deep breaths. "You’re not allowed here, you’re not getting in", she thought to herself. The pain went away.</p><p>“Her name is Samantha and there’s a matching dress just for you in the car.” </p><p>Flora threw her arms around Mrs. Clayton and then turned around to show Jamie and Dani the doll. “I like having a grandma,” she added.</p><p>It was Miles’s turn and Mrs. Clayton pulled out a brightly colored box. “Now, this one is going to be a bit hard to open up here, but I’m sure we can put it together at home.”</p><p>“An Atari?” Miles cried. He was clearly excited about his present just as much as Flora was about hers and he flipped it over to read more about it.</p><p>The bell rang behind them announcing that the baggage carousel was going to start “I suppose this leaves Jamie and I to carry all the bags since you aren’t going to help, right?” Dani asked.</p><p>“Of course not,” Mrs. Clayton said. She seemed almost offended by the idea. “I just got my nails done. I’ll stay over here with the kids and you can meet us when you’re done.”</p><p>“Great,” Dani muttered and then followed Jamie to the slow moving carousel. “At least you see exactly what you’re getting with her.”</p><p>“Your mum is,” Jamie trailed off and nodded slowly. “Lovely?”</p><p>“That’s sweet of you, but you can admit you were actually going to say ‘maddening’.” Dani pressed her lips together and faced the track. Only a handful of bags had made their way out just yet and each one was separated by at least ten feet. The more that came out, the smaller the space between.</p><p>Jamie shrugged, “I guess my bar is low when it comes to mums.” The two laughed quietly amongst themselves. “Oh, that one there is one of Flora’s.” She reached out and grabbed a brown trunk-like suitcase.</p><p>“You’re doing great with them, you know.” Dani watched her girlfriend right the suitcase and survey for more that belonged to them.</p><p>“Not too bad yourself, Poppins,” Jamie answered.</p><p>“Me, I was a teacher and then an au pair. Theirs, to be exact.” Dani bumped an elbow against Jamie’s. “It’s not the same. You were thrown into this.”</p><p>They collected the rest of their luggage, every once in a while looking over their shoulders to check on the kids and Dani’s mom behind them. The two were completely in awe of Mrs. Clayton and she was eating it up. There were more bags than the two alone could carry so they had to get a cart to load them onto. It was a tight fit into Mrs. Clayton’s Jeep Wagoneer. Every inch of trunk space was taken up by the luggage and Flora was stuffed between Jamie and Miles in the back seat. The doll proved not exciting enough to keep Flora awake any longer and she fell asleep clutching tight to Samantha, her head resting against Jamie who had wrapped her arm around the little girl so she could comfortably lay against her side.</p><p>When they arrived at the apartment, Mrs. Clayton informed them that she had a girl’s night planned in thirty minutes so she couldn’t stay. She did, surprisingly, help Jamie and Dani load the bags from the trunk into the lobby of their apartment. Then, she waved as she drove off.</p><p>“That’s pretty much how everything with my mom is gonna go,” Dani said as she watched the car retreat from view.</p><p>“I think I got two words in the whole time,” Jamie said.</p><p>“And she’s going to tell everyone you two are thick as thieves,” Dani looked at Jamie and placed one hand on Jamie’s shoulder and lower neck. “Thank you, for enduring that.”</p><p>Flora tugged at Dani’s arm a bit to get her attention. The scratching came back at the feeling and Dani had to take a second to right herself. When she looked down at the young girl, Flora said, “Can I go to bed?” Her eyes were weighed down by sleep and her body seemed to curve under her as though she could barely hold herself up right. She was too big to be carried, though, so Dani led her slowly upstairs and into the apartment. Before her and Jamie had left for Paris, they had made up the pull-out bed ready in case of this very circumstance. Dani quickly turned down the blanket before she let Flora in, knowing that the second she sat down she would be right back to sleep and it was a bit chilly in the apartment. She was right. Flora’s eyes closed swiftly and buried her face against her new doll. </p><p>Dani leaned down and left a kiss on Flora’s forehead. As she did, the knocking came once more. This time, it was louder. She stumbled back, but caught herself before she hit the table behind her. </p><p>"You’re not allowed in. You’re not allowed in. Get out, go away. I don’t want you here," she repeated to herself. The knocking didn’t go away immediately. It just slowed down and faded in the background until it was no longer audible and Dani had to assume it stopped. The alternative, that she was still knocking Dani just couldn’t hear it, was too scary a thought to process.</p><p>Jamie nudged the door with her foot so it opened without a sound. On her back was a backpack and she carried a bag in each hand. She hoisted them around the corner and set them quietly down next to the island counter. For just a second, she stared at Dani with a look that sent a cold wave through her. It ended as soon as Miles came in with another round and placed them beside the pile Jamie had started. Jamie turned and left, but Dani watched her go, stoic, unsure of what happened.</p><p>“She’s getting the last of it now,” Miles whispered.</p><p>“You alright sharing with your sister?”</p><p>Miles nodded, “Of course. It won’t be the first time.”</p><p>“Thank you,” Dani said. She placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed. “We’re going to get a bigger place soon and you’ll have a real bedroom, I promise.”</p><p>“It’s okay,” Miles said. “We understand that this was unexpected. We’re just thankful to have somewhere to go.” There was a sincerity in his eyes that broke Dani’s heart. This boy had known too much loss and was all too aware of the thinning number of friends and family members.</p><p>Only a few seconds later, Jamie returned with the last of the stuff. “The bathroom is right there,” Jamie pointed at a door across the living room. “And our room is right there. Come wake us if you need anything, yeah?”</p><p>Miles nodded. “I can put myself to sleep tonight. I’m sure you two are exhausted as well.” He turned and zipped open one of his bags, pulling out some pajamas and toiletries. He turned back to face Jamie and Dani. “Goodnight.”</p><p>“Goodnight,” Dani said and the two of them retreated to their own bedroom. With the door safely closed behind them, Dani said, “Are you okay? What was that back there?”</p><p>“I saw it, you know,” Jamie said, avoiding eye contact. “You kissed Flora and you felt her. Flora said those words earlier and it flashed in your eyes.”</p><p>Dani turned completely to face Jamie. “I’m trying my best, I promise.”</p><p>“It’s not you she wants, is it?” Jamie’s voice raised slightly in anger. Her eyes winced with pain and she averted them to the ground. “It’s her.” Dani’s silence answered loud enough for Jamie and she sniffed, clearly holding back tears. There had been too many of those in too short a period of time for either of their liking. “Why didn’t you tell me?”</p><p>“I guess I just didn’t want it to be true,” Dani whispered, desperate.</p><p>Jamie sat onto the corner of their bed and leaned her elbows on her knees. “I understand now. I didn’t before, but I do now.”</p><p>Those three words crashed through Dani. A part of her felt relieved. Another part of her felt broken. She thought that was what she wanted to hear from Jamie: permission to do what needed to happen, forgiveness in advance. Instead, it felt like Jamie was giving up on her. An emptiness opened inside her chest.</p><p>“I’m not going to let myself do anything to her,” Dani said.</p><p>Jamie reached her hand out to Dani and when she took it, she brought her closer to the bed. “I know you won’t. Just don’t give up out fear, okay? I don’t want to lose you a second before I absolutely have to.” She rested her head against Dani’s shoulder. “And try not to let it happen before their teenage years. I’m gonna need help getting my feet off the ground for that one.”</p><p>The way Jamie was holding Dani felt different. She wasn’t holding her like she used to. She was holding on. Jamie had never talked about the Lady in the Lake as if it was imminent. Every time, she was the one telling Dani that it was possible to live a lifetime together. But, they always had a clock counting down behind them and Jamie could finally see it.</p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Again, thank you for all the love! </p><p>Follow me on twitter for updates: @ministana</p><p>Posting schedule: Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The first two weeks of life with the kids was a blur of chaos. Jamie and Dani were so used to only getting themselves ready in the morning, they were late to open the store three days in a row. Each day they found Ellie there, having opened the shop on time when she realized they hadn’t been to pick up their daily coffees. Two hot chocolates were added to their daily order, which Miles and Flora waited for, excited, every day.</p><p>After talking to the kids about their schooling, Dani found out that among their travelling, they had bounced around between tutors and schools quite a bit over the last two years and their studies suffered because of it. School wasn’t slated to start for another two months, but Dani set them up in the back room of the shop each weekday with workbooks to round out the edges. Between customers and tasks, Dani would go back and check on their work, sometimes staying for a bit to do a lesson. Once, Dani was out running an errand when Miles ran into a problem with his math work. He asked Jamie for help and, when she tried, he ended up teaching her the work. He found his answer in the process, which was great, but after that Jamie refused to help on the homework, opting instead for overseeing chores.</p><p>Finding a place to live was proving difficult. They needed a bigger place, that was obvious, but Dani was hesitant to commit to anything that Jamie wouldn’t be able to afford on her own when the day came. Thankfully, the inheritance from Henry came through in a month so they were able to use it on a down payment for a house. Mr. Carlisle had been right, it was a shockingly large inheritance for each of them. They put down a large enough down payment that the monthly mortgage was a breeze for the two of them and would be doable for Jamie alone, then they left the rest of the money untouched.</p><p>As sad as Dani had once felt about leaving the first home she and Jamie had together, she was eager for more space. The apartment was nowhere near big enough for four people without living on top of each other. At least once a day, one of the two adults would tell one of the two children to pick up their things and one of the two children would respond with something along the lines of, “and put it where?”</p><p>They were all so eager about it, in fact, that not a single one of them complained about the usually horrible task of packing for a move. Dani and Jamie alternated who would be in the shop and the one not there would be home with the kids packing. It coincided with Miles’s and Flora’s last two and a half weeks of summer break, so Dani thought there was plenty of reason to give them a break from studying.</p><p>It was down to the wire (as things tend to be with kids, Jamie and Dani were starting to figure out) but after four days, most everything was in the moving van. On the final day of their lease, with only a couple hours left until their keys were due to be turned in, they were moving out the last few things. All that was left was the couch with the pull out bed, the real bed, the bedside tables, basic bathroom things and a couple changes of clothes.</p><p>“Okay,” Dani called cheerfully into the echoing apartment as she walked in. Jamie was cleaning the sink and greeted her. “Ellie’s got the small van on its way to the new house. Now it’s just loading the last of the furniture and splitting up between the van and the car.”</p><p>“Great,” Jamie said. “Miles is cleaning their bathroom and Flora is packing up the last of the stuff in our room.”</p><p>Dani stopped, confused. “Our room? But all that’s left is the bathroom and the bedside tables.” She stopped and the two made the same realization at the same time. “Flora!” Dani cried over her shoulder. </p><p>The two women rushed into their bedroom. Flora sat on her knees in front of the left side table. When she heard Dani and Jamie run in, she turned and looked at them over her shoulder. “What is lubricant?” Then, she produced a bottle of lube and looked it over. “It says it tastes like strawberries, but I don’t think it does.”</p><p>“Oh, good God,” Jamie said under her breath. She covered her mouth with her hand.</p><p>“It’s, um,” Dani looked at Jamie, pleading for help, but she didn’t offer any. “A really expensive lip… gel. Why don’t you go see if your brother needs help, huh? We’ll finish up here.”</p><p>Flora nodded and dropped the bottle into the box then pushed herself off the floor. As soon as she exited, Jamie swung the door closed and let out a deep laugh. “Dani, I’m so sorry I didn’t think about that. But, you have to admit, that was pretty funny.”</p><p>“Let’s just see how much of the drawer she packed,” Dani huffed and pushed past her girlfriend. She looked in briefly and then whipped around again. “All of it.”</p><p>“All of it?” Jamie asked.</p><p>Dani nodded aggressively, “Everything is in there.”</p><p>“Even–?”</p><p>“Yes, Jamie. Even that.”</p><p>Dani was upset with Jamie after that. The rest of the time in the apartment was a bit tense, but after taking separate cars, she managed to cool down a bit. Jamie was still new to this, she reminded herself. And besides, even she could have made that mistake.</p><p>They did try to sit Flora down and have a conversation about the contents of the drawer. She brushed them off before they could get into details.</p><p>“Oh, I know what those are,” Flora said, confident.</p><p>“You do?” Jamie asked. <br/>“Yes,” Flora said. “Mummy and daddy had the same drawer. They told me it was for adults when they play pretend. You see, it’s a bit different than how us children play pretend. They said maybe when I’m older I’ll get to use them sometime, but I think I’m happy with my dolls for now.”</p><p>Jamie snorted and had to cover mouth and nose to prevent her from laughing too hard. Dani closed her eyes tight and said, “Okay, Flora, great. You can go have fun, now.” She skipped out of the room, humming to herself. With her safely gone, Dani whispered, “I know so much more about Mr. and Mrs. Wingrave than I ever wanted to know.”</p><p>“Explains a lot,” Jamie nodded.</p><p>The new house wasn’t new, exactly, just new to them. It was one of those older houses that had an eclectic collection of rooms. Everyone in the family found something in that house they were looking for. Jamie had a massive sunroom with floor to ceiling windows on three sides that she used as a greenhouse. For Dani, there was a quiet study in the center of the house. She kept all of her books in there and had a small desk for her to write on. Flora’s room was in the top corner of the house with a window that spread around a corner. It had a large window seat where she could sit with her dolls and have tea parties, or have a perfect view of the stars which she liked to stare at most nights. Miles was most taken with the family room in the basement. Dani and Jamie put in a large television and set his Atari up to it. When he wasn’t playing, he was watching TV. There were two guest bedrooms on the main floor of the house, which was a bit much, Jamie and Dani agreed. But, they knew Owen would be there a lot so it could come in handy someday.</p><p>It was in that house that they really became a family. Dani and Jamie would wake up from afternoon naps together to the sound of Flora yelling at Miles. They implemented weekly family nights, packed with take-out, board games, and sometimes a movie past bedtime. The couple would fight over the island counter while making dinner, or sometimes yell from one end of the hallway to the other if it was a doozy. They always came back together by the end of the night to apologize and go to sleep a bit happier.</p><p>The city had a great selection of public schools and Dani and Jamie thought it would be a good experience for the kids to experience something that wasn’t packed with kids waiting for their trust funds to kick in. It did prove to be a positive social learning experience. Both of the kids quickly made friends and became much more outgoing. </p><p>Halloween came around and Dani could see a slight change in the kids. The talk of ghosts and ghosts stories brought up a lot of memories for the them, memories they didn’t talk about very often. After the third night in a row of Flora waking up Dani and Jamie because of a nightmare, they took her down to the kitchen.</p><p>Flora sat down at the counter and watched Dani pull a mug out from the cabinet. Her nose curled. “Are you going to make tea?” She cried.</p><p>Dani, mildly offended, turned around to face the child. “First off, ow. My tea has gotten a lot better, thank you.” Jamie jokingly shook her head. Dani threw a kitchen towel at her girlfriend and Flora laughed. “Here in the states, we make warm milk and honey when kids can’t sleep.”</p><p>“I’m not convinced,” Flora said. </p><p>“Well, just try it,” Dani said. “If you don’t like it, maybe you can convince Jamie, over here, to make you some tea.”</p><p>With Dani focused on the tea, Jamie slid into the chair beside Flora. “Do you want to tell us about your nightmare, kiddo?”</p><p>Flora stared down at the counter top for probably ten seconds and then she looked up. “Uncle Henry said I’m not supposed to talk about my nightmares.”</p><p>“You know, Henry and us,” she gestured toward Dani, “have different ideas about things and that’s okay. If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s completely up to you. We’re of the mindset that talking about your feelings and your past is what gives you power. So, in this house, you’re welcome to talk about any and all feelings you have.”</p><p>Again, Flora stared down at the counter turning over what Jamie had just said. “Did it actually happen? Miss Jessel and Peter Quint and the Lady in the Lake.” She looked up and searched Dani’s face, who was now watching while the milk heated up. “I heard you talking about the Lady in the Lake, so it must be real. Right?”</p><p>“What did you hear?” Dani asked, her heart beating.</p><p>“Nothing, really, I just faintly heard the name and that was it,” Flora said. “So it’s real?”</p><p>Jamie made eye contact with Dani as if asking for confirmation that this is the right thing to do. Dani urged her with a single nod. “Yes, sweetheart. What happened at Bly, all of it was real. And you were so brave handling so much of it by yourself. Especially when Miles was at school.”</p><p>Dani poured the concoction into the mug and slid it across the counter. “You’re safe now, though. It’s all behind you.” The words felt sour as she said them. She knew Flora still had a battle ahead of her if she didn’t do her job right. The knocking rang through her head again. By now, telling the Lady to go away no longer worked. She simply had to wait it out which only lasted a few seconds.</p><p>“It doesn’t feel like that all the time,” Flora said. “When I hear people make jokes about ghosts, I get so angry. They don’t know they’re making fun of people who might be standing right there, listening. They deserve kindness, too. Even the Lady in the Lake. I don’t think enough people were nice to her.”</p><p>“When you get angry, what do you do?” Dani asked.</p><p>Flora sighed, “I usually think not nice things about whoever said it. I don’t like that I do that, it just happens.”</p><p>“Do you ever say those things to them?” Jamie asked.</p><p>Flora shook her head no. “I try to tell them ghosts don’t have to be scary, but they never listen.” She picked up the cup and took a sip of it. Her whole face winced and she held it in her mouth while staring at Dani.</p><p>“Spit it out if you don’t like it,” Dani said. Flora did just that. “Silly girl.”</p><p>“Can I have some tea, please?” Flora asked. She pushed the cup across to Dani slowly so it didn’t spill. </p><p>Jamie stood up and rubbed the girl’s back as she passed behind her. “Of course.” She grabbed Dani by the waist and pulled from her place in front of the stove. The two giggled and Jamie said, “You, miss, have been demoted from night time drink making.”</p><p>“Can’t say I’m too surprised by this turn of events,” Dani said. She fell down into the chair that Jamie had just left and brushed the tip of Flora’s nose. “What do you think about sleeping in our bed tonight?”</p><p>A grin spread across Flora’s face. “Yes, please.”<br/>She drank her tea quickly, burning her tongue as she went, and then started to run for the stairs. “Uh uh,” Jamie said. She set her arm out and Flora stopped running as she collided into Jamie’s arm. “Walk, please.” She moved her arm and Flora continued at a slower pace, though still a bit fast, even for speed walking.</p><p>Dani grabbed Jamie before she could follow the girl just yet. “I love you,” she whispered to her girlfriend. </p><p>Jamie searched Dani’s face for a moment and then kissed her. “I love you, too, Poppins.”</p><p>Flora tucked herself into the bed right between Dani and Jamie. “Goodnight, Dani, and goodnight, Jamie.” </p><p>Both Dani and Jamie offered it back. Dani was almost drifting to sleep when Flora said their names again. She sighed, wondering if this was why people said not to co-sleep. “Yes?” Dani said.</p><p>“Is it possible to have more than one mum?” Flora asked. </p><p>Dani leaned up on her elbow so that she could make out the shape of Flora next to her and Jamie on the other side. “I think we get our real family and we get our chosen family. There was someone who used to be in my life who was like a second mother to me. She didn’t overshadow my mother, she just filled in some gaps.”</p><p>“Where is she now?” Flora asked.</p><p>“I had to say goodbye to her,” Dani answered. It was the nicest way to explain.</p><p>Flora thought a bit more. “Does chosen family mean they’re more important than real family?”</p><p>“Not necessarily,” Jamie chimed in. “Some people don’t have much of a real family to start with so the chosen family does mean more. Some people have a really strong real family, and their chosen family means the same to them. Almost as if they were real family, too.”</p><p>“That makes sense, I think,” Flora said. “So you don’t think mummy would be sad if I want to choose the two of you?”</p><p>Dani sat, quiet. She had never met Mrs. Wingrave and it didn’t feel right to answer this. Thankfully, Jamie continued. “I knew your mum fairly well. We had tea together a lot, her and I. She was a very funny woman. And she had great stories. Her favorite stories to tell were about you and your brother. She loved you so much, Flora. She knows that she will always hold a special place in your heart. I think she would be happy to know that you have someone to fill in the gaps and love you like she loved you.”</p><p>“I’m glad you agree because that’s what I thought, too.” Flora tilted her head in the Flora way that made everyone around her know she was thinking very hard. “I guess the next matter of business then is what do I call the both of you?”</p><p>“What do you mean?” Dani asked.</p><p>“There’s two of you, of course,” Flora said as though it were obvious. She looked between Dani and Jamie and, upon realizing it was not obvious to them she explained. “It would be confusing to call the both of you mum.”</p><p>Dani’s heart skipped a beat and she couldn’t help the smile on her face. “Why don’t you try it out and see what happens? If it doesn’t work, we can go from there.”</p><p>“Besides,” Jamie said. “It eliminates the whole ‘asking the parent who’s most likely to say yes’ tactic.”</p><p>“Alright, I’ll try it,” said Flora. “I must say, you two have kept me up far too long. Goodnight, mums.” <br/>Then, she rolled over onto her side and fell fast asleep. It left Dani and Jamie looking over the sleeping child at each other. They shared a smile and Dani heard Jamie sniff a little.</p><p>Dani laid back down on the bed and stared at the ceiling. It felt odd that after only a few months, Flora wanted to choose them. Then again, it wasn’t just a few months. For Dani, it had been a few years now, but, for Jamie, it was almost Flora’s whole life and most of Miles’s– all of what he could remember at least. If she felt comfortable enough to choose anyone, it would be the two of them. In the next few days, Miles would hear his sister trying out variations of ‘mum’ and remember Dani’s conversation about chosen family. It wasn’t too long before he was also calling them ‘mum’. As she fell asleep to thoughts of Flora calling her and Jamie her mothers and Jamie’s light snores, Dani completely missed how the quiet knocking turned into the shake of a door knob.</p><p>The next day while Jamie was out on service visits for the various plants she kept up around the city, the shop phone received a call from the school. Dani had never received a call from the school and, after her time as a teacher, she immediately knew that either something bad happened or one of the two were in trouble. She put her money on Miles having found himself into some sort of mischief. She felt so certain of it that she was shocked to hear Flora’s name leave the principal’s lips.</p><p>Sitting somewhere between livid and sure there must have been some kind of mistake, Dani scribbled out a note to Jamie, closed the shop, and rushed to the school. The principal, feeling satisfied with the conversation she had with Dani over the phone, elected not to have an in-person meeting, so Dani led Flora into the car. Flora apologized profusely throughout the car ride. Her face was already stained with tear tracks and she could still barely make out words around her sobs.</p><p>Dani could tell the guilt the girl was sitting with was proof that she held plenty of remorse. She offered words of comfort that didn’t excuse what happened, but still reassured Flora. They drove all the way back to the shop and, once there, Dani held the door open for Flora to go inside.</p><p>“There you two are,” Jamie cried. She set down the watering can and came around a plant almost as tall as her to see Flora, no longer crying but still snot and tear covered. “What happened?”</p><p>“Flora’s been suspended,” Dani said. She set her purse down on the counter and then took Jamie’s side. “Apparently, she punched Trevor.”</p><p>“Oh, the douchey one?” Jamie asked. Dani shot her a look and she cleared her throat. “Right. What got into you? You’re not the kind of person who goes around punching people. That’s my job and I know I haven’t rubbed off on you that much.”</p><p>“He was being mean,” Flora said.</p><p>Dani let out a concerned sigh, “About ghosts?” Flora shook her head no. “Then what?”</p><p>The tears started again. “We were supposed to write two pages about our family. Mrs. Wright had us all read them aloud.”</p><p>“Oh,” Jamie whispered, before Flora could even finish. Dani closed her eyes and steadied herself for where she knew the story was going to end.</p><p>“When I read mine, he laughed and said no one can have three mums.” Flora wiped her nose with her sleeve. Dani reached around the counter and offered her a tissue instead. She accepted it, dabbed her eyes, and then wiped her nose with her sleeve again. “I told him I can. I explained chosen families and that you two love each other just as much as my real mummy and daddy loved each other. Then he said some really mean names so I walked up to him and I hit him.”</p><p>“Where did you hit him?” Dani asked.</p><p>Flora raised her chin and squared her jaw. “In his crotch. Miles said that’s where it hurts the most.”</p><p>Jamie pulled over a stool for Flora to sit on then knelt down to her eye level. “Sweetheart, there are some out there who think people like Dani and me are bad.”</p><p>“But you’re not,” Flora insisted.</p><p>“I know that and you know that, but they are very closed minded and have mean hearts.” Jamie brushed some hair from Flora’s face.</p><p>Flora sat, pensive for a little. Jamie took the opportunity to look up at Dani and grab her hand. It was an impossible conversation to have with a girl so young and with such a heart of gold. Still, Dani was blown away by how gentle and thoughtful Jamie guided not only this conversation but the heavy ones from the night before as well.</p><p>“I’ve changed my mind. I’m not sorry,” Flora said. “Mummy always said to stand up for what I believe in. If he says it again, I’ll punch him again and that’s that.”</p><p>Jamie stood up and whispered to Dani. “Your turn.”</p><p>“Flora, honey,” Dani started. She was really just biding her time trying to decide where to go with this. “While I think it’s admirable that you want to stand up for Jamie and me, punching only makes it worse.”</p><p>“Ehh,” Jamie said in disagreement. Dani turned to her with wide eyes and a face full of annoyance. “I’m sorry it’s just, she’s got a point. Sometimes a bully needs a good hit if they’re not gonna listen.”</p><p>“Okay, fine,” Dani sighed, glaring at Jamie. “Sometimes, a bully needs a good hit. But, school isn’t always going to see it that way. So you have to promise me that you don’t hit people at school.”</p><p>“I guess I can agree to that,” Flora said. “But, does that mean I’m in trouble?”</p><p>Jamie, realizing the consequences in her action, tried to shrink into the fern behind her while Dani stared her down. “You were suspended,” Dani said. “So even though mom-two here advocated for it, mom-one says punching at school is wrong. You’re out for three days so for those three days you’ll be helping in the store.”</p><p>Flora released a deep sigh, “I understand, mum-one.”</p><p>“Great,” Dani said. She pointed at the broom in the corner. “Why don’t you start by sweeping?” </p><p>Flora sighed an exaggerated sigh and stood from the stool to do as she was told. The sound of a doorknob jiggling caught Dani’s attention. She thought that maybe she had accidentally locked the shop door behind her, but when she checked, the doorknob turned just fine. Confused, Dani looked outside to see if anyone was there who maybe started to come in then changed their mind. The only person there staring back at her was the Lady in the Lake where her reflection should be. It didn’t make her jump or cry out in shock. It felt almost bittersweet. Like an expected event was nearing and everything started to align for it.</p><p>“You alright?” Jamie called over her shoulder.</p><p>“Yeah,” Dani said, quietly, then turned from the door and watched the reflection follow her in the window as she walked through the shop.</p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I don't think y'all are ready for this chapter. Good luck, friends!!</p><p>Follow me on twitter for updates: @ministana</p><p>Posting schedule: Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dani walked into the bedroom, threw her head back, and groaned. Next to the bed, Jamie was in an oversized t-shirt and underwear, scrunching her wet hair with a towel. She watched as Dani, exhausted, made her way to the end of the bed and started to sit. “Hey, hey hey,” Jamie cried to get her attention. Dani abruptly stopped and spun around to face her girlfriend. “I just changed the sheets and you’ve still got vomit on your shirt.”</p><p>“I do?” Dani pulled the end of her shirt out so she could get a look. Sure enough, there were a few different stains across the gray NYU shirt. “Look at that.” She stripped out of her clothes and padded into the bathroom. The floor there was lined with linoleum, one of the easiest floors to clean, so she dropped the dirty clothes onto the ground and got into the shower.</p><p>Jamie followed her in and leaned against the doorframe. “How are they?”</p><p>“Both asleep. Miles passed out forty-five minutes ago and I finally got Flora to sleep just now. They both kept the ginger tea down so hopefully that’s a good sign. If they sleep through the night then I think we’re in the clear.” Dani let the warm water wash over her face and down her body. It felt nice to wash herself off after the day’s events.</p><p>“Thank you,” Jamie said. “For letting me shower while you put them to bed.”</p><p>Dani peaked her head out around the curtain and smiled. “Of course. Flora’s got pretty good aim.” She ducked back in and then added, “Thanks for changing the sheets.”</p><p>“Do we take them to see a doctor, then?” Jamie asked.</p><p>“If they wake up and get sick again we should take them in first thing in the morning to get fluids,” Dani said. She massaged shampoo into her hair and relaxed into it. “If they’re good, we should still get some Pedialyte for them. Do you think you can get it or should I?”</p><p>Jamie paused for a second. “Tomorrow’s Tuesday, right? I’ve to go tend some plants around the town, but the law firm is next to the store. I’ll grab some and bring it home.”</p><p>“That would be great,” Dani said. </p><p>The conversation lapsed and a few moments later the sound of Jamie’s electric toothbrush competed with the shower. When the shampoo had fully washed from her hair, Dani opened her eyes to find that the shower had steamed up pretty fast. Over her shoulder was a small mirror that a previous owner had installed into the tile, probably for shaving. As she turned around, something caught her eye. It was not her reflection, but the Lady’s. It wasn’t new. Dani had slowly been losing herself more and more to the Lady in the Lake ever since the day Flora had been suspended. She almost forgot what her own reflection looked like. </p><p>Dani looked away, she didn’t need another reminder of all she was about to lose. Then, from the corner of her eye, she saw something move. When she looked back, the Lady was still there. The Lady’s hand raised even as Dani’s hand remained at her side, holding her bar of soap. It began to extend further and further out, poised to grab Dani’s neck again just as she had done before.</p><p>This was new. Dani screamed and jumped back. She lost her footing and slipped onto the floor of the shower with a loud thump. Despite the immediate ache of her tailbone, Dani’s hand still went to her throat scratching at bare skin just to prove to herself there was not a hand there.</p><p>The curtain flew back and Jamie turned off the water. “What happened?”</p><p>Dani gasped for air and sat up. “I just slipped and it surprised me.”</p><p>“That wasn’t a scream of surprise, that was out of fear.” Jamie looked around, probably trying to find something that would explain it.</p><p>“I’m okay,” Dani said. She started to push herself up from the floor and then winced and let herself back down. “So, I may have bruised my butt.”</p><p>“Do you want me to get you some ice?” Jamie asked.</p><p>“No,” Dani shook her head. “Just help me get up and I’ll be okay.” She held out her hand and Jamie took it, pulling her off the floor. Safely on her feet, Dani grabbed a towel and began to dry herself off. Walking was hard so she waddled herself to the bedroom, carefully slid on a pajama set, and then lowered herself into the bed.</p><p>Jamie turned the light off in the bathroom then the overhead light so that the bedside lamps were the only ones keeping the room lit up. She pushed back the comforter on her side and settled into the bed. “Are you sure nothing happened in the shower?”</p><p>“I just thought I saw her in the reflection,” Dani shook her head. “It’s ridiculous.”</p><p>“I know you’ve been seeing her every time you look in the mirror,” Jamie said. “You think I can’t tell when you’re fighting her, but I can. You get this look in your eye. Like you’re a million miles away.”</p><p>Dani reached over the bed and grabbed Jamie’s hand. She rolled on her side and brushed some wet strands of hair from Jamie’s face. “What was prison like?”</p><p>Jamie’s eyebrows raised and she scoffed, “Jesus, Dani. That’s what you want to talk about right now?”</p><p>“I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately and I realized I’ve never really asked about it and you don’t really talk about it.” </p><p>Jamie ran the heel of her palm over her nose and across her forehead. “I don’t really talk about it because it feels like an entirely different person. I was angry and hurting really bad and I acted it out on everyone around me.”</p><p>Dani watched every little piece of the woman she loved talk about her past. She wanted to commit every part of her to memory, to know every last corner of this woman’s mind before she had to leave. “Why were you arrested?”</p><p>“I was using cocaine, a lot of it. Thankfully, I was locked up before it could become an addiction. But, one day, I was high out of my mind, and walking down the street with this girl I was seeing. We were both almost nineteen at the time. I kissed her and this man just started screaming slurs at us. Horrible things. So I turned around and I punched him. The first punch, I will never regret.” Jamie stared at the ceiling the whole time she told this story. Her face was animated, switching between an amusement only healing can bring, pain, anger, and fear.</p><p>“The first punch?” Dani asked.</p><p>Jamie nodded and then her face went darker. “I kept going and going and going. They had to pull me off him. My lawyer said they stopped me just in time. If it had gone on even a minute longer the man would probably be dead.” She stopped talking and fell deeper into the memory. “It got ruled self-defense, luckily. Two years in prison for drugs and assault, another of continued therapy.”</p><p>“And prison?” Dani pushed.</p><p>“Even when you weren’t in solitary, it was so much time alone. I felt so far away from myself and all I could do was try to remember who I was. My survival instincts kept screaming to fight back, hold onto who I was before I went in. But, I knew if I held onto who I was then I would be back again in a year. My only option was to be stuck in pain or give in to losing myself.” Jamie blinked a few times, coming back into the moment. She looked back at Dani and took a deep breath. “Of course, what I didn’t know then was that I was just finding a better version of me. The one that got the opportunity to fall in love with you.”</p><p>Jamie tried to smile at Dani to ease the moment. When she noticed that Dani was gone, deep in her own thoughts, her smile disappeared. She reached out and lifted Dani’s chin. Dani flitted between both of Jamie’s eyes, back and forth, back and forth, searching for what she didn’t know. Words? Guidance? Bravery?</p><p>“I feel like I’m stuck between pain and giving in,” Dani finally confessed. The feeling had resided in her chest for so long. She always thought that when she finally admitted it to Jamie it would feel freeing. She was so void of her own self, Dani didn’t even shed a tear. “I can barely remember my own feelings most days. I’m enveloped by her anger and despair all the time. Some days, it feels like my body isn’t my own. Like I’m not the one in charge anymore. I’m so tired.”</p><p>Jamie rolled onto her elbow and cupped Dani’s cheek in her hand. “I know.”</p><p>“It’s like everyday I feel myself fading away, but I’m still here. I don’t understand how that is,” Dani whispered. Her voice was small, far away.</p><p>As Jamie brushed the hair out of Dani’s face, Dani could feel her hand trembling, feel her body shaking with whatever sobs she was trying to hold onto. “You’re still here. You’re here.”</p><p>Dani’s breath shook as she released it from her lungs. “It’s like I see you in front of me and I feel you touching me. And everyday, we’re living our lives and I’m aware of that. It’s like I don’t feel it all the way. I’m not even scared of her anymore. I just stare at her and it’s getting harder and harder to see me. Maybe I should just accept that.”</p><p>“No,” Jamie pleaded. Her shakes got worse and her quiet sobs began to rise in her.</p><p>“Maybe I should accept that and go,” Dani repeated.</p><p>“No, no,” Jamie stated. She shook her head. “Not yet.”</p><p>Dani sighed and took her girlfriend’s hand. “Jamie.”</p><p>“It’s fine if you can’t feel anything. Then I’ll feel everything for the both of us.” She held tight to Dani’s gaze. It didn’t matter that the gardener had ended up back where she had started with Dani– holding everything for both of them. She would do it gladly as long as Dani was still there. Dani was worth it. “But no one is going anywhere. Okay? You’re still here.”</p><p>“What if I’m me, sitting next to you, but I’m just really her?”</p><p>Jamie let out a long, jagged breath. “One day at a time.” A large tear slipped from her eye. “How much time do we have left?”</p><p>Dani shook her head. “I don’t know. Two weeks? Probably less.”</p><p>“Christmas is in a week and a half,” Jamie whispered. “Promise me you will try to get that far. Please, just one Christmas together as a family. Owen will be here soon. He’ll want to say goodbye.”</p><p>“I can’t promise you that,” Dani said. “I can’t promise anything anymore.”</p><p>Jamie closed her eyes as the tears took over. She rested her forehead against Dani’s. “We’re closing the shop then. I’ll say it’s for the holidays.”</p><p>“You don’t have to do that,” Dani said.</p><p>“I’m spending every second with you I can,” Jamie insisted.</p><p>Dani wrapped her hand through Jamie’s arm and onto the back of her neck, holding her close. “I love you so much.”</p><p>“I know,” Jamie said. “I love you, too.”</p><p>Miles and Flora remained completely oblivious. They were recovering from the stomach flu and on a high from a school break and an impending Christmas morning so the increased family time didn’t incite questions. Dani barely got any time alone, but she wasn’t too upset by it. Mostly, she sat on the couch next to Jamie and watched the kids talk amongst themselves. Jamie made sure to invite Ellie and Mrs. Clayton over for dinners. Again, neither one found anything suspicious (except Mrs. Clayton who was taken aback by how long her daughter hugged her).</p><p>As the days passed, the Lady got progressively more powerful and awake inside of Dani. The first time it got bad, Dani woke up to her hand fluttering over Jamie’s neck. She wondered if that was the sign she was looking for. Then, she realized she didn’t really know what she was looking for or where she would go when she found it. What she did know was how hard Jamie had begged her to stay until Christmas. So she waited.</p><p>The next morning while Jamie was picking up groceries to prepare for Owen’s arrival in two days, Dani grabbed a bag and started to throw things in just in case she had to leave quickly. A change of clothes and her travel toothbrush were the first things to go in. She wanted to keep it to only what she absolutely needed, packing light. As she stared at the zipper, she knew it wasn’t enough. Dani quietly let herself into her study. On her desk sat a few pictures of her and Jamie, the kids, and all four of them together. There were more throughout the house, of course, but Jamie wouldn’t notice these were missing until Dani was already gone. She threw in her favorite book, a vintage copy of Little Women, for added comfort.</p><p>Dani swung the now closed bag around onto her shoulder and made to leave. A strap caught on one of the desk drawers and as Dani began to walk, it opened behind her. The sound made her turn and she came face to face with the top drawer of her desk. Inside, was the letter from Henry and three very old-fashioned keys on a key ring, said to be the keys to Bly. Shaking, her hand hovered over Henry’s letter. It had been left unread out of fear for what she would find. Something inside her urged her to read it. She couldn’t tell if it was her own conscience, now quieted by the Lady, or if it was the Lady trying to get closer to her.</p><p>Regardless, Dani heard the front door slam closed and Jamie’s voice calling out for her. She stuffed both the key and the letter into her bag, stashed it under her desk and rushed to meet Jamie in the hallway.</p><p>“What were you doing in there?” Jamie asked, absentmindedly. She somehow managed to hold three paper bags of groceries at once and gestured for Dani to take the one that was starting to slip.</p><p>“Putting a book away.” Dani grabbed the bag and followed Jamie into the kitchen.</p><p>“The line at the liquor store was so long today. Do you think you could go tomorrow and get some rum? Owen asked for spiked Eggnog.” Jamie turned her back to Dani as she put groceries away. From that angle, she couldn’t see Dani’s forlorn look. </p><p>That night was quiet, passed without incident. Dani hoped that was a good sign that she could push through for just a bit longer. After getting rum, she stopped at Ellie’s to get peppermint hot chocolates for everyone at home. With it being a Friday, they all stayed up a bit late playing board games. The house was filled with laughter late into the night, much later than Dani and Jamie had ever let Miles and Flora stay up before.</p><p>Dani crawled into bed that night tired and full of joy. She went to sleep with hopes that enough happiness could corner the Lady, maybe forever. Jamie slid in behind her and pulled her close against her chest. They whispered their nightly “I love yous” and Dani fell asleep in Jamie’s arms. </p><p>It was those last few moments that Dani held in the forefront of her mind when she woke up in Flora’s room standing over the foot of Flora’s bed. The child never stirred, but still, Dani knew that this was the sign she had been waiting for. She slipped downstairs, grabbed her bag, and disappeared into the snowy evening.</p>
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<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Surprise chapter! It's Thanksgiving here and I'm incredibly thankful for Dani and Jamie, as well as all of you so I wanted to do an extra update today. Plus, that means you're one chapter closer to getting some answers ;)</p><p>This is a VERY long chapter and I really apologize in advance. I hope it doesn't turn you away, but you will see why it's so long. I promise none of the other chapters are going to be anywhere close to the length of this one.</p><p>This is my absolute favorite chapter in the entire story, so I really hope you stick it out and enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it.</p><p>Credit for some of the jokes in here goes to @incorrect_damie on Twitter!</p><p>There will still be the regularly scheduled chapter tomorrow as well!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Jamie woke up the next morning, the first thing she noticed was that the bed felt more cold than normal. She opened her eyes to an empty place beside her where Dani should be. Her gut sank and her heart cracked in two. </p><p>“No, no, no,” Jamie cried.The bathroom was empty, the kitchen, the study, the whole house was empty save for the two children. She stood in the kitchen, the cold floor seeping through her socks. Snow was falling outside the window. It was usually one of her favorite things, snowfalls, but this time, she could barely see through the grief that was settling into the floorboards and the window panes and the house where Dani still existed everywhere.</p><p>She was at the stove, making coffee. At the dishwasher, unloading dishes. At the island, reading aloud the newspaper. At the table, helping the kids with homework. In the living room, reading on the couch. She was everywhere and nowhere at the same time. What a wonderful, horrible, suffocating feeling.</p><p>The clock on the stove flashed four a.m. and reminded Jamie that there was no time for grief yet. Owen would be waiting at the airport soon. So, she held herself together. She zipped her pain, her screams, her emptiness up inside her until she had time to feel all of it. Now was not that time.</p><p>Jamie woke up the kids. They were groggy so she helped them put on warm clothes. She loaded them into the car, hoping they would sleep for the drive. Of course, they did not. She thought maybe the darkness would hide her tears. When she drove under streetlights, her face was illuminated and after a bit she caught Flora watching her in the rearview mirror.</p><p>-------</p><p>The first time Jamie saw Dani was from all the way across the grounds. From the corner of her eye, Jamie caught a glimpse of a person traipsing through the woods with a backpack. She dropped her gloves onto the ground and stood up to yell at the trespasser to get off the property. When she saw it was a woman about her age, she paused. It was the new au pair, she was sure of it, but she couldn’t get herself to look away. Just like she couldn’t get herself to look away from Rebecca Jessel’s body in the lake.</p><p>She was colder than she normally was that day when she walked into the kitchen for lunch and saw the new girl sitting there. But when she looked at the blonde, she saw Rebecca and remembered all the loss she had experienced in her life. She remembered how much energy she had poured into Rebecca, a sweet soul who deserved so much better, only to have it overshadowed by everything Peter fucking Quint exuded. Still, as Dani recounted her experience with the man on the parapet, Jamie got lost wondering where she knew the girl from. It was an odd feeling, really. There was no way the two could have met before, yet she couldn’t brush the feeling off.</p><p>Over the next couple weeks, Jamie caught herself staring at the au pair more times than she would have cared to admit. There was something magnetic about the girl. The sadness inside her slipped from every piece of her, yet even as it did so, she was breathing happiness back into the walls of Bly Manor. A few times, Dani would mention some mysterious fiance. Everyday, Jamie would search Dani’s hand for a ring, analyze every sentence for hints, but she found nothing except old stories. He ‘was’ an engineer, he ‘used’ to watch Star Wars. Jaime had so many questions she wanted to ask the au pair, but she remembered Rebecca and remembered that she was so exhausted of pouring care into someone just to have it wasted for one reason or another. Even she, hurt and broken with a vow  to protect herself, couldn’t walk away from the au pair when she came upon her mid panic attack, though. And as she called Dani ‘Poppins’ for the first time, she knew she had opened something up she would have to close. Her heart couldn’t take any more loss, she barely had enough love left for herself.</p><p>So, when she found that Miles had ripped apart her garden, she didn’t shy away from her feelings for the sake of making a good impression on the au pair. Jamie had always been a bit of an angry person. When people saw it, they usually made up a story in their mind about who she was at her core and ran as far away as possible. But, then, Dani stared her down. She listened and she honored Jamie’s feelings. Not once did she blink or stumble back or let fear flash through her eyes. She just listened. And then she brought Miles in to fix the damage he’d done, just as she promised.</p><p>The gardener drove herself home that night trying not to think about the au pair. There was too much room to get hurt. Too much room for her to try and help Dani only to dry up her own well that she needed to grieve for all the people she’d lost in the past year and a half. Too much room for her heart to get mixed up in the way Dani quietly reminded Miles and Flora who they were.</p><p>“Don’t fall for the straight girl again,” Jamie repeated to herself over and over.</p><p>She had just managed to get the woman out of her mind when Hannah called. Apparently Dani had seen Peter Quint in the window. The idea of Peter back on the property itself stirred up so much anger inside Jamie. She remembered how Rebecca, her friend, had been so broken by him and her gut clenched. She thought about him getting so close to Dani and she knew she was going to break out that rifle first chance she got. And, when she ran into Dani while searching the grounds for him, she was glad she did. That way, she would be there to keep him from ever touching her.</p><p>She wanted to stay the night because of that magnetic energy she felt whenever the au pair was in the room. It was the energy that kept her sneaking glances and wanting to be close to her, to get to know her. It was a dangerous feeling, especially for someone who likes girls to have for a girl who likes boys– and one with a possible fiance at that. If it was that alone, Jamie would have made herself go home. She stayed that night because Owen stayed and because Flora was excited at the prospect of a sleepover– that’s what she told herself.</p><p>The fire crackled as the kids slept inside a circle of people that cared about them. They talked quietly about Peter Quint, Rebecca Jessel, and their lives. As Owen and Hannah tended to do, they eventually drifted off into a world of themselves. Dani took the opportunity to slide into the empty space next to Jamie on the couch. She had to remind herself that Dani was just looking for company so she made some jokes about Dani fancying Owen to remind herself this wasn’t the person to pour herself into.</p><p>Dani produced a polaroid photo of Peter and Rebecca and Jaime had to pull her gaze elsewhere. There weren’t any photos of Rebecca besides the polaroids Dani found so it was the first time Jamie had seen her friend since the day she was floating in the lake. She didn’t know why she did it, but the gardener released all the things she had spent so many nights thinking about ever since Rebecca died.</p><p>“The wrong kind of love can fuck you up, follow you, make you do some really stupid shit,” Jamie told Dani. What she didn’t say was how she had been in that kind of love, years before, with the woman who had gotten her into drugs. What she didn’t say was how that kind of love landed her locked up. What she didn’t tell Dani was that all these things she was whispering into existence were the things she wished she could tell her younger self, too.</p><p>“People do, don’t they?” Dani asked. “Mix up love and possession.”</p><p>Jamie nodded, holding eye contact with Dani, “Yeah, they do.”</p><p>“I don’t think that should be possible. I mean, they’re opposites, really. Love and ownership,” Dani continued.</p><p>It threw Jamie. It was almost as if Dani was speaking directly to Jamie’s pain, with Rebecca’s death and with her own past. “Yeah,” Jamie answered. The eye contact continued and something inside Jamie stirred. Somehow, by accident, Jamie had let down her guard and let the au pair in. Somehow, she wasn’t very upset about it.</p><p>The small glances she found herself sending Dani’s way increased in frequency the next day. Her mind couldn’t seem to leave the idea of the au pair behind. Occasionally, Dani would meet her gaze and hold it. When the au pair looked away, Jamie’s eyes stayed on her. She was searching the woman for something, anything, really. Maybe answers to her own questions or maybe answers to questions she hadn’t thought of just to get to know the girl. Her thoughts were consumed with a battle against herself. She knew, as she had been telling herself for so long, that if she opened up to this woman she was going to end up hurt, just like she was with Rebecca and just like she was with most every other person in her life. Yet, some voice inside her told her to do it anyway.</p><p>The next night as Jamie and Dani watched Hannah send Owen off after the news about his mother, she was acutely aware of the space between her and Dani. There wasn’t much of it. Her mind was split, though. She’d only met Owen’s mum a handful of times and every one of them the woman wasn’t lucid. Still, there had been enough loss in her life recently that it deepened the pit of grief inside of her. So even though she knew Dani was there, next to her, she couldn’t think much of it until Dani began to walk with the gardener to her truck. She didn’t know if the signs she was getting from Dani were there or if her guard was so down she couldn’t think straight.</p><p>“I’m so glad you stayed,” Dani said.</p><p>Jamie looked at the woman next to her who was keeping up with her every step. “I am, too,” she said, cautious. They reached her truck so Jamie turned to face Dani, compelled by whatever force kept pulling her closer to the au pair no matter how many times she tried to pull away. What was she hoping for here? Jamie asked herself. The two held eye contact for what seemed like forever and she started to feel doubt, disappointment, confusion seep into her. She didn’t know what she was waiting for or what she expected Dani to do, she just knew she was setting herself up to be hurt. Again. Then, just as she was about to turn for the door, Dani grabbed her hand. It wasn’t just a friendly, comforting hold. Dani was really holding it, willing whatever it was she wasn’t able to say to pass into Jamie’s understanding. As quickly as it happened, it ended. “Who the hell knew?” Jamie whispered.</p><p>Maybe the question was for Dani’s quiet confession. Maybe it was for Jamie’s realization that something in her was good enough, lucky enough, to be recognized by Dani in that way.</p><p>When Jamie got home that night, so much of the pain that had settled into her bones over time started to break out. She closed her front door behind her and screamed. Sobs erupted out of her and she thought she was going to drown in tears, fill her whole place up until she could no longer breathe.</p><p>As much as Jamie cried over frustration or joy, she rarely let herself cry from the pain buried inside of her.She never cried for Charlotte and Dominic. She never cried for Rebecca Jessel. She never cried when she watched Miles and Flora close off from the world, shut it out behind the safety of the manor. She never cried. Until tonight.</p><p>So much pain scorched her body then. It was the only thing she could feel. Every nerve ending beat against her. Every part of her, physical and mental, ached with a hurt she had never felt before. It was like she was finally grieving every painful thing in her life she had ever experienced.</p><p>Jamie stumbled into her bathroom and threw herself into the shower, clothes and all. The water poured over her and her tears subsided, but her hyperventilating never did. It got worse and worse until the anxiety inside her sent her dry-heaving.</p><p>The anxious nausea and all-encompassing sadness continued on for two days so Jamie called out of work. Both times, she called early in the morning when she knew only Hannah would be up because she didn’t want to talk to Dani feeling like that. Still, she knew that Dani had taken a risk, if small, that night. Jamie wasn’t entirely sure how she felt, though she knew she was intrigued, and if she wanted to see where it could go then she had to meet Dani where she was at. And, since it was clear Dani was still growing into herself, meeting her where she was at would take a bit more effort from Jamie to make sure it was clear.</p><p>So, after her second day off and the night before Owen’s mum’s funeral, Jamie called the manor and offered to pick up Dani the next day for the memorial. It was subtle, but both knew that Jamie was actually inconveniencing herself to spend a few minutes with Dani. </p><p>The next afternoon, Jamie joined Dani in her bedroom.</p><p>“You look,” Dani started. She stopped as she looked Jamie up and down, unable to take her eyes off the gardener.</p><p>Jamie, a bit tired from the past two days and nervous being around Dani, still managed a few butterflies. “I can scrub up when I need to,” she said, and closed the door so it was just the two of them. It was clear from talking to Dani for a few minutes that something wasn’t sitting well with the au pair. She was always struggling, but this was different. Something about this funeral had Dani reeling. When Jamie told Dani she didn’t have to go, the amount of relief that visibly washed over her told Jamie a bit more about the au pair’s sadness.</p><p>“I had a funeral in my own life not so long ago and I feel like this is, um,” Dani trailed off.</p><p>Jamie stepped closer, “Hey, Poppins. It’s your day off. I promise, I don’t need you to be my date to Owen’s mum’s funeral.”</p><p>Even through the sadness, a smile broke out on Dani’s face at the word ‘date’. That was about as obvious as Jamie could get and it was clear Dani caught it. “Then, can you help me get this thing off?”</p><p>“Blimey,” Jamie said, sarcastic, and cleared her throat. </p><p>Dani laughed a bit, “No, seriously. The zipper.” She turned around and Jamie gently pulled the zipper down. Just as her hand brushed against Dani’s back, the au pair gasped and moved from Jamie’s touch.</p><p>“Did I pinch you?” Jamie asked, surprised.</p><p>“No, I’m sorry,” Dani said, but didn’t offer much of an explanation.</p><p>Jamie didn’t know what to make of it, didn’t know if she should think into it too much. The other woman was jumpy, hurting, and new to the idea of being close to another woman. It could be so many things that had nothing to do with her. “Alright, well, I’ll be back in a few hours and if I find out you’ve not been relaxing, there will be serious consequences.” The two laughed together and held eye contact even as Jamie left the room.</p><p>The funeral was no different than others, but Jamie could tell this one was hollow. So many people were saying things without saying things. Nothing was genuine because they didn’t know how to speak to the way Owen’s mum’s life had ended. She tried to focus, Jamie did, but the whole time she thought about her hands pulling the zipper down Dani’s back, the way Dani had laughed at her slightly dirty joke.</p><p>She snuck out early and found her way back to the manor. Everyone was in the kitchen cooking together so she joined and pulled a seat around. She described the whole event to those in the room before falling into a bit of a morbid spiral. As she pulled her earrings off, she caught sight of Dani staring at her. Just staring. Jamie met her eye contact and couldn’t help the small smile over her lips. A matching one appeared on Dani’s face just as the au pair turned to wash the potatoes she had been peeling.<br/>Jamie sipped her cup of tea, feeling the emotions she had been drowning in the past couple of days wash over her again. A gasp from Dani, just like the one from that afternoon, pulled her out of it and the strainer clamored into the sink.</p><p>“Poppins, you alright?” Jamie asked. Dani excused herself from the kitchen, avoiding eye contact with the gardener as she went. That one was harder to explain away for Jamie, but she didn’t have much time to ponder it because the sound of someone running and Owen crying out in surprise echoed from the hallway. Jamie followed it. At the front door, Owen stood outside with Dani pointing a poker at him. “What happened?”</p><p>“I thought he was Peter Quint,” Dani cried, still panicked.</p><p>Owen stepped inside and closed the door. “Which is ridiculous. I’m much better looking.”</p><p>Jamie reached a hand out to Dani’s back and the other one to take the poker. “Stand down, Poppins.” It was hard to ignore the signs that Dani was clearly struggling, be it with whatever feelings she had for Jamie or whatever funeral she had been to recently. Jamie watched Dani head upstairs, worried for the woman. She didn’t realize that the worry in her heart was the exact thing she fought against the past six months.</p><p>Dani eventually found her way back downstairs for dinner. Jamie could feel the au pair staring at her as she poured wine, but it was different. It was like something about the way Jamie captured her attention was channeling more sadness into the room. When Flora spoke to Owen’s pain, Jamie caught sight of the way Dani leaned closer and closer to the young girl, absorbing every word. She found herself wondering, once again, who was it Dani had lost that broke her this much. As her mind held onto the source of Dani’s pain, their subtle interactions, and her own confused feelings, she almost missed Miles’s outburst at the table. </p><p>Suddenly, Dani was on her feet, pointing at the door and staring Miles down. No one had ever disciplined Miles or Flora that way, really in any way since most people, like Hannah, pitied them into passes for whatever bad behaviors they engaged in. It had always irked Jamie, who was frequently getting the short end of the stick for their mischief. Seeing someone actually hold them accountable was nice. Seeing Dani be that person took her breath away. It was kind of hot, if she was being honest with herself.<br/>Later that night, sitting in front of the bonfire in silence, Jamie again felt the pain surface. Bonfires have this uncanny talent for igniting whatever turmoil hides inside a person. She shared the history of bonfires, with Owen casually stealing the last bit of her thunder, of course. Then, without really asking the group, she opened up a space to pour their shadows into. She was so tired of carrying around the grief for so many people. So tired that it had become a sickness that enveloped her the last two days. By the faces of those around the fire, she could tell she wasn’t alone in that.</p><p>Hannah spoke to Rebecca. As the grief fell into the crackling flames, burned before them, Jamie felt some of her nausea fade away. She stood and spoke to Charlotte and Dominic. Her own feelings were still too mixed up inside of her to put into words so she focused on Miles’s and Flora’s pain. Somewhere along her burning shadows, the nausea faded even more and her mind, now freed up, did what it did best it seemed those days. It travelled back to Dani.</p><p>“But, here’s Dani Clayton. She’s a bit of a weirdo, but she’s a lot stronger than she thinks. If anyone can bring Miles and Flora back to themselves, she can. I’m glad she’s here. I think they would be, too.” Jamie raised her bottle and took a swig. “What about you, Poppins?”<br/>Dani shook her head, “Oh. No, thank you.” Jamie would be lying if she said she wasn’t a bit disappointed, but it was Dani’s pain to hold onto or to let go of. She couldn’t wrap herself up into taking it from Dani herself.</p><p>She listened, quietly, as Owen dropped the shadows of his mum into the bonfire. Whatever remaining thing inside of her felt sick was absorbed by the fire and she drank with her friend to his mum. He took a seat beside Hannah who offered him whispered affirmations and they fell into their own world.</p><p>Jamie reached over from the log she was perched on and placed her hand on Dani’s knee. “Let’s take a walk, yeah?” Her thumb rubbed small circles on the au pair’s leg. The two gathered up their blankets and their wine and stumbled through the dark pathways to the greenhouse just off the lake. It was Jamie’s favorite spot on the grounds. No one went there anymore, not after Rebecca had died, so she covered it with her own plants and stole quiet moments there on hard days. They curled up next to each other on a small loveseat and spread the blankets over both of them. Jamie’s leg rested against Dani’s underneath. Dani took a large drink out of the bottle. “I’m not going to ask if you’re alright, because I don’t like being lied to. So what’s wrong?”</p><p>“Thought I saw Peter Quint,” Dani said.</p><p>“But it wasn’t.”</p><p>“No, of course not.” Dani’s voice shook. It seemed the bonfire had stirred more inside of her than she had cared to admit a few minutes ago. “It’s not the first time I’ve seen things that aren’t there.”</p><p>Jamie knew she should be more concerned than she felt, but she couldn’t bother feeling anything more than relieved that she was finally scratching the surface with the girl whose pain was drowning her. “So what else?”</p><p>“I guess I,” Dani paused and set her wine bottle down onto the ground. “I told you about my fiance earlier, didn’t I?”</p><p>“You did, yeah,” Jamie adjusted in her seat until their legs were no longer touching. Something about knowing so much of this pain that held Dani back from her was grounded in this mysterious man she was engaged to confused the hell out of Jamie. She’d wasted too much time on too many women who didn’t know what they wanted. “I was hoping we would get around to that one.”</p><p>“We were engaged and he died,” Dani admitted. Jamie’s stomach fell, shocked by the words she wasn’t expecting to hear, and she stopped turning herself away from the au pair, stopped closing herself off from the au pair. “He died and sometimes I see him. I’ve never told anybody that.”</p><p>Jamie leaned back closer, “I’m so, so sorry.”</p><p>“We were about to break up. I’d broken… We had broken up, I guess, right before.” She looked at Jamie with tears in her eyes. “I mean, right before.”</p><p>“Jesus, Dani, the same day?”</p><p>Dani nodded, “Yeah.”</p><p>The gardener didn’t know where to go with this. Seeing Dani in so much pain hurt her, but not because it confused her. It hurt her because she wanted to take it away from this amazing woman who deserved so much more than being stuck in this. She didn’t know if she believed it was real, it would be hard for anyone to believe that, but she knew that for Dani it was real. Just like Dani had stared down her anger, Jamie stared down Dani’s grief. “Is he here now?”</p><p>Dani looked around the patio. “No.”</p><p>“Good, because, you know, I’ll sort him out for you if I have to. Oi, dead boyfriend. Give it up, mate. It’s over,” Jamie called over her shoulder. Dani smiled and almost let out a small laugh. With a bit lighter of a mood coming from Dani, Jamie pulled herself closer to the girl. “Seriously, Poppins. How are you still standing?”</p><p>Dani whispered, “Do you think I’m crazy?”</p><p>“I think you’re surprisingly sane, considering.” Jamie sighed. So much was going through her head. She thought of her own loss. She thought of the feeling of guilt when she came out at sixteen and the confusion that followed. She could only imagine what kind of guilt Dani could be carrying. “Look, I know what it feels like. It feels like you can’t find–.” Dani cut her off with a kiss. It took Jamie by surprise, how bold the move was. But, she gave into it, craving it just as much. Her hand slid under Dani’s hair and behind her ear, holding her close. “Are you sure?”</p><p>“Yes,” Dani said after a momentary survey of the room over Jamie’s shoulder.<br/>J<br/>amie couldn’t contain the smile as she pulled Dani back to her. “Thank fuck,” she whispered, barely audible. It felt so right to kiss her. It felt like two magnets, the two of them, had been pulled together and they fit perfectly against each other. Then, just as Jamie got lost in the moment, Dani gasped and pulled herself all the way across the loveseat. “Okay,” Jamie said. “Right.” She was so mad that she had slipped into the moment, so mad she let herself fill up with hope. This was what she spent so much energy running from and she had fallen back into her own trap. But, no part of her was mad at Dani.</p><p>“I don’t know what to say,” Dani forced out over fast breaths. The part of her still touching Jamie was shaking.</p><p>“Just forget about it,” Jamie shook her head and started to gather up her blanket. “It’s my fault, I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”</p><p>Dani whimpered, “Jamie?”</p><p>“You were just telling me, literally telling me, that you weren’t up for this,” Jamie faced away from Dani and wiped her mouth. She felt Dani’s hands on her back, trying to bring her back, but she brushed her off. “Let’s get back. Another night maybe. Another time, maybe.” </p><p>She trudged off and pulled a drunk Owen from his spot beside the fire. She didn’t care he was talking to Hannah, she just wanted to go home. Before she left, she looked over her shoulder at Dani. “It’s all good,” she said, but she knew it wasn’t. </p><p>The next morning, Jamie called Hannah and asked for a week off. She hung up the phone, drew her blinds to block out the sunlight and sat with her thoughts and a case of beer. It was her usual response to opening up to someone and then having them leave, in one way or another. This time, though, she let herself cry.</p><p>So, Jamie cried. Jamie drank. Jamie read. Jamie listened to music. And Jamie cried. Four days went by and she didn’t feel any better. Nothing she could tell herself, or shame herself into, could make Jamie give up on Dani. And then, the gardener found herself wondering why she gave up on anyone. That thought consumed her for another two days. Flora had said loss hurts because you’re alive.</p><p>It was a daunting question to take head on, but Jamie decided if anyone deserved to not be given up on, it was Dani. She would start with Dani. And, on Thursday, Jamie showed up to her first day back at work ready to handle it the old fashioned way. She was going to feel it until it didn’t hurt anymore.</p><p>Melancholy hung in the air of the greenhouse around her. It dripped with the morning dew and settled in with the morning fog. Same as the days leading up to this, no plant, nor task, nor thought could keep her mind off Dani. Dani, the girl who took her breath away and then left with all the oxygen in Jamie’s lungs. She was still gasping for air.</p><p>A light rap on the greenhouse window pulled her attention, but she knew who it was. She looked anyway and her heart pounded with ache. “Don’t usually see you this early in the A.M..” Her voice was void of any flirtatious humor that it once held.</p><p>Dani stood in the doorway holding two mugs. “Yeah, well, I know that you start early on Thursdays. So, I thought I would bring you some coffee.”</p><p>“You Yanks and your coffee,” Jamie said. She tried to give life to her words, but it was all she could do to say anything.</p><p>Dani held it out. “You might like it.” </p><p>Jamie gave in and took the mug from her. “Cheers.” Where she would normally hold Dani’s gaze, Jamie just stared at the ground. She had hoped she would have a few more hours to herself before she had to see Dani.</p><p>“Cheers,” Dani said. They both took sips. Before Jamie could swallow hers, she was overwhelmed by what she was tasting. Somehow, the coffee was too bitter and too watery all at once. Truly an accomplishment for Dani. “Yeah, I’m not the best at coffee either.”</p><p>“How’s your week been?” Jamie asked. Dani had slowly moved closer and closer to her and she was starting to feel trapped by her sadness.</p><p>“It’s been okay. The kids have been a little strange lately. Everything’s been a bit strange, really. And no Owen. And no you.” Dani paused, but all Jamie could offer in return was a sniff. She wasn’t intentionally brushing the au pair off, not like she had the first day. She just couldn’t speak over the intense ache inside of her. “I seem to see less and less of Hannah. She just goes out, I guess, by herself. Sometimes I just turn around and she’s gone.”</p><p>Jamie kept patting down the soil in the plant she was channeling her energy into. “Sometimes people just need to be alone.” It seemed like Dani caught up and her mood shifted. Maybe she realized Jamie was acting weird or the comment made her wonder why Jamie had taken the time off in the first place. The shift in Dani made Jamie pause as she thought the whole thing over. “Did you wake up just for this?”</p><p>“No,” Dani insisted.</p><p>“You were just waiting for me to come back?” Jamie asked. Her tone was unwelcoming and the confusion in her stirred. Here was the sweet, amazing girl who, for a short time at least, seemed truly interested in her. Then when Jamie finally opened up, Dani started pulling back further and further. It seemed so clear to Jamie that Dani wasn’t ready, too sad to be ready. Then here she was, more confident than she had been before in any of her interactions with Jamie. She didn’t know what to make of it and the tug of hope just hurt her more.</p><p>“I knew that you were coming back today, but no, no particular reason,” Dani said.</p><p>Jamie nodded. “Are the kids awake?”</p><p>“No, they’re asleep.”</p><p>“So you just got up with the sun and you’re tiptoeing around the kitchen making awful coffee by yourself just to come say hi at six in the morning for no particular reason?” Jamie paused, trying to decide if she wanted to say what she was thinking knowing what it could do. But, she had to give Dani credit. “Poppins, you flirt.” For the first time, a smile graced Jamie’s face, and a flirtatious one at that.</p><p>Dani returned to Jamie’s side. “Fine, I don’t like the way we left it.”</p><p>And there it was. The question Jamie had been wanting to ask, to yell, to beg an answer for. Some piece of her knew that this would tell her where she stood with Dani so, not sure she would want to hear what the au pair had to say, she pushed herself to ask anyway. “And how did we leave it?”</p><p>“Wrong,” Dani said. “And I wanted to start doing something right so I thought I’d start with coffee.”</p><p>There, inside Jamie, the flicker of hope relit. Before Dani, she wouldn’t have stayed around this long or given as many chances as she did. So if she was going to do this, to give Dani one last chance, she needed to know Dani was really ready for it. “You sure about that? Because every time I think you might be sure, you’ve got this irritating habit of jumping back like you’ve just seen a scary bug.” Again, she turned her back to Dani and busied herself with another plant. “Maybe that’s best, really. I like you, but I also like my life the way it is. Nice and boring.”</p><p>Dani chuckled, “Yeah, I wouldn’t want to disrupt that.” She paused, and then continued in a very poorly done English accent. “Gotta keep things proper boring, haven’t we?” Jamie couldn’t contain the quiet giggle she released at the attempt. “Look there’s a pub in Bly, right?”</p><p>“There is,” Jamie said.</p><p>“Would you wanna get a drink? Away from the house, away from all this. That could be kind of boring, right?”</p><p>Jamie looked at Dani. “Could be dreadfully boring.”</p><p>“Kay, so I could ask Hannah to watch the kids one night. Then you and me can get a boring old drink in a boring old pub and see where that takes us.” Dani invited. </p><p>Jamie searched the au pair’s face for any hint of fear or doubt. Hurt still lingered in the gardener, but here was Dani, happy, confident, asking her out on a date. Not in a million years did Jamie expect Dani to be ready to go out with her, let alone be the one to ask. She took a deep breath and felt her lungs fill with air. “You know I live above that pub, right? Told you that already, didn’t I?” Not only was Dani standing in front of her, asking her out, the same Dani was hinting at something more than a goodnight kiss. “Got a little flat right above the boring little pub.” The smile that spread across Dani’s face brought the butterflies back to life inside of Jamie.</p><p>Dani’s face fell as she looked over Jamie’s shoulder. At first, Jamie began to curse herself in her head for actually believing Dani, but then, she heard her call out Flora’s name. She turned around and saw what Dani had seen. The young girl, at six in the morning, was walking across the yard and directly for the lake. The au pair took off running and Jamie dropped her gloves to follow after.</p><p>Flora was groggy and disoriented when the two women finally got to her. She could barely answer Dani’s questions before she collapsed to the ground, unconscious. Dani was so scared she froze, unsure what to do so Jamie picked the child up in her arms and led the way back to Flora’s bedroom. The girl was out longer than someone should be, but Dani distracted herself by changing her out of the wet pajamas.</p><p>The doctor agreed she was okay so they let her sleep and Jamie went on with her daily chores. A muted excitement took over the space that had been full of heartache just that morning. Sometimes, she would feel an uncontrollable smile pass her lips and sometimes she would feel tears push against her eyes. Jamie was grateful that the whole Flora thing took Dani away for the day. It gave her time to think.</p><p>That night, as Jamie drove away after dinner, her mind got back around to thinking about drinks with Dani. She was normally impatient and she wished she could get it over with. Not to wipe her hands and be done, but so she didn’t spend anymore time overanalyzing how much to trust Dani. She just wanted an answer. So, Jamie turned around and went back.</p><p>In the kitchen, Hannah and Owen sat across from each other at the table while Dani made to pour a cup of tea. She didn’t see Jamie as the gardener entered so she jumped a bit when she said, “Don’t touch that. You’ll just desecrate it.”</p><p>“I thought you left a while ago,” Dani said. Her voice was light, giddy, excited.</p><p>Jamie leaned against the counter next to the au pair. “Made it halfway home and I thought, ‘rough day. Maybe Poppins would fancy a little boredom’. What do you say?”</p><p>“The kids–,” Dani said.</p><p>“Already taken care of,” Jamie said.</p><p>Hannah chimed in. “I’ve got things handled here. You go and enjoy yourselves.”</p><p>“Uh,” Owen corrected. “We have things handled here. Any nightmares, bogey men or monsters under the bed will be dealt with swiftly and fairly in an impartial court.”<br/>Jamie walked up beside Dani and laced their fingers together. “Come on,” she said and pulled her out of the room. Her heart beat fast as she took Dani to her most secret spot on the grounds. It was the place she came to pour all the love she had forgotten how to give to the people around her. It was where her moonflowers bloomed in the moonlight, crawling around a wrought iron fixture.</p><p>“Wow, that’s beautiful,” Dani said as she took in the white buds. “You planted that?”</p><p>“Yeah, it’s a moonflower.” Jamie took a seat on some logs she had left overturned there years ago. “Bloody hard to grow in England.”</p><p>Dani took a step closer to take in the whole plant. “Yeah, but worth it.”</p><p>“Is it?” Jamie asked.</p><p>“Isn’t it?” Dani asked and turned to face the gardener.</p><p>“This plant only blooms two months a year and only at night. Each bud, only once. These flowers will be dead by morning. Tomorrow night, new buds will bloom and then they’ll die. In three weeks, this entire plant will be dead and in the spring I’ll have to plant a whole new moonflower.” Jamie watched as Dani stared at it.</p><p>“That’s a lot of work for a flower that only blooms once.”</p><p>Jamie took a deep breath. “That’s what people feel like to me. Exhaustive effort, very little to show for it.”</p><p>“All of them?” Dani asked.</p><p>Jamie nodded and said gravely, “All of them. Even you. Even me. Especially me. So, I figured, I’d save you some effort.” She nodded at the log next to her and waited for Dani to take a seat. “Skip to the end. Take a shot. Why not? So here you go, okay?” She asked more for her than for Dani, asking if she really wanted to do this. But, she couldn’t go back now and she dove in. Jamie told Dani about her mum and her dad, her brothers. She talked about foster care and hinted at what the foster dads did behind closed doors. She talked about prison and how she found gardening.</p><p>“Busy work for idle hands,” Jamie said about gardening. “But I fuckin’ love it. Love it. And it’s so clear then how people aren’t worth it, but plants, you pour your love and your effort and your nourishment into them and you see where it goes. You watch them grow and it all makes sense. So, yeah,” Jamie gave a short chuckle to hide tears and she moved closer to the moonflowers. “Everyone is exhaustive. Even the best ones. Sometimes, once in a blue goddamned moon I guess, someone, like this moonflower, just might be worth the effort.</p><p>“Look, I know you’re struggling.” Jamie turned back to face Dani. “I see it. I know you’re carrying this guilt around, but I also know you don’t decide who lives and who doesn’t. I’m sorry, Dani, but you don’t. Humans are organic. It’s a fact. We’re meant to die. It’s natural, beautiful. And it all breaks down and rises back up and breaks down again. Every living thing grows out of every dying thing. We leave more life behind us to take our place. That life refreshes, and recycles, and on and on it goes. That is so much better than that life getting crushed, deep down in the dirt, into a rock that will burn if it’s old enough. So much better to see the leafling and the flower. We leave more life behind to take our place. Like this moonflower. That’s where all its beauty lies, you know. In the mortality of the thing.”</p><p>Dani had quietly met Jamie by the plant. So quietly, Jamie didn’t know until she was standing right next to her. Then Dani was holding her and bringing her close, kissing her.</p><p>They snuck in through the front of the house, since the back staircase went through the kitchen. Jamie almost tripped on the bottom step. They both giggled and they both shushed each other to avoid alerting Owen and Hannah. Those two could be heard laughing in the kitchen, so absorbed with each other they could never break off to hear the others going upstairs and tucking themselves into Dani’s bedroom.</p><p>The next morning came and went too quickly with another morning walk by Flora pulling Dani from the bedroom too soon. Jamie put on her clothes from the night before and played it all over in her mind. They fell into each other, held each other, moved with each other. For Dani, it had been her first time with a woman. For Jamie, it wasn’t, but it was the first time it felt like that– like it was more than purely surface level.</p><p>After, they held each other, no clothes, and Dani whispered her own exhaustive story to Jamie. Every piece of it, she shared into the night. They fell asleep holding hands and woke up with Dani’s arm around Jamie.</p><p>It seemed that Flora had turned out to be okay because when Jamie arrived in the kitchen she was arguing with Miles. Dani’s face, at the sight of Jamie, blushed and smiled in amusement from her place at the table.</p><p>“Mind if I join you?” Jamie asked.</p><p>“Of course, there’s more than enough,” Owen called over his shoulder.</p><p>“Yay, you never eat breakfast with us. I’m so excited. You can sit next to me.” Flora pushed the empty chair beside her out and patted it. Jamie sat down and felt the girl look her up and down. “Silly Jamie, you wore that outfit yesterday.”</p><p>Dani snickered and covered her mouth with her hand. Jamie sent a wink across the table at the au pair. “It’s my favorite. Got good memories.”</p><p>Owen brought plates of food to the table and set it out before everyone. He made a show of leaning over to get a look at Jamie’s clothes then something on Dani caught his eye. “Is that a hickey?” He asked. That one made both Dani and Jamie duck their heads.</p><p>“No,” Dani cried and covered it with her hand. “Just a mosquito bite.”</p><p>“Right,” Jamie said. “Got a bunch myself. They were brutal last night when we went for a walk.”</p><p>Hannah chuckled and set a cup of tea next to Jamie’s plate. “Want any milk or sugar with your tea, mosquito?”</p><p>That one sent all four adults into a fit of laughter. Jamie and Dani knew the jig was up and stopped trying to pretend anything different. Even so, Miles and Flora shared a look of confusion between themselves.</p><p>After breakfast, Flora went off to sleep more and barely came back up for dinner– soup that Owen brought to her room. He gave her company while she ate and rubbed her back until she fell back asleep. Jamie spent the day searching for reasons to be around Dani. Suddenly, it seemed like there were lightbulbs everywhere that needed changing and door hinges that needed tightening. By the fourth lightbulb run-in, Dani started to put it together and laughed every time Jamie found another excuse to show up wherever she was.</p><p>Once, Jamie stumbled in on Dani without the company of Miles. She knocked  on the door as she came in. “Sorry, to bother you,” she said.</p><p>Dani laughed, “And what is it this time?”</p><p>Jamie searched the room for a moment. “I’ve got to check the wall. Make sure it’s sturdy.”</p><p>“The wall?” Dani asked.</p><p>“Yeah, very important, Poppins, very important.” Jamie stepped closer to Dani until their mouths were only a few inches apart. “Would you like to help me?” Dani’s eyes landed on Jamie’s lips and she nodded. The gardener guided Dani back against the wall and when she had her pinned, she kissed her. It started soft and then deepened. Jamie’s hand slid from the back of Dani’s neck, down the front of Dani’s shirt, and all the way to her lower back. Dani’s breath caught in her throat and she slid a hand into the back pocket of Jamie’s pants.</p><p>Footsteps in the hallway pulled them apart. “Miles,” Dani whispered.</p><p>Jamie took a few steps back and rapped the wall with her knuckles. “Yep, just as I thought. We’ve got a very sturdy wall here. Now, you’ll have to excuse me Miss Clayton, I’ve got a lot more I’ve got to check.” She passed Miles on the way out and said, “This one. Always finding a way to distract me.”</p><p>As she turned the corner, she heard Miles ask, “Why is she checking the walls?”</p><p>Dinner came sooner rather than later. Jamie usually looked forward to the meal knowing it marked the end of her work day with good food. Today, though, the end of her work day meant less time to sneak up on Dani and make her laugh ring through the house. Dessert followed soon after with a peach cobbler Owen had only just taken out of the oven. Miles insisted on scooping the ice cream so plates went out at scattered times.</p><p>Jamie dug in immediately when hers was set in front of her, she always had a soft spot for sweets. After a couple bites, she realized Dani wasn’t eating hers. “What’s the matter, Poppins? Don’t you need your daily dose of sugar?”</p><p>“Hmm?” Dani asked. “Oh, it’s just too hot to eat right now.”</p><p>After checking that Miles was safely out of ear shot, she said, “You’re too hot, but I would still eat you.” A deep belly laugh erupted from Dani.</p><p>“Oh, seriously,” Hannah groaned. “One dinner. One peaceful dinner is all I ask. And I don’t think it’s much.”</p><p>Owen handed Hannah a plate himself. “Letting the two love birds work you up?”</p><p>“Don’t worry, Hannah,” Jamie said. “Your birthday’s coming up. Maybe we can get that sorted for you.”</p><p>“Of course,” Owen set his hands on his hips, “then you would probably be eating dinner by yourself.”</p><p>Flora surprised them all then, disoriented once again. Her high emotions brought Dani’s emotions up and a minute of chaos erupted in the room. The au pair took a crying Flora back upstairs and Jamie excused herself, leaving behind a half eaten plate of cobbler. In the hallway outside Flora’s room, she waited and listened to Dani through the door. She was calming the girl, then reading her a book, and then sat quietly with her for a few minutes. Eventually, Dani came out of the room. </p><p>“Sleep talking, sleep walking, she’s having a rough time of it.”</p><p>“Yeah, I don’t know what else to do so I think I’m gonna take her to a doctor in the morning,” Dani said.</p><p>“She needs a psychologist,” Jamie said. “We had mandated therapy inside. I hated it. Didn’t think it would do anything. My assigned psychologist, Tamara, she was relentless. Dog with a bone, that woman. So I started talking just to shut her up. After a month, I realized I was sleeping through the night.”</p><p>“Wow, yeah. You might be right,” Dani sighed.</p><p>Jamie took a second and then pointed at the stairs. “I’m gonna go.”</p><p>A look of disappointment flashed over Dani’s face. “Oh.”</p><p>“I should change my clothes at least,” Jamie laughed.</p><p>“Well, you could come back,” Dani offered.</p><p>“Tonight?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Dani nodded, suddenly more sure of herself. “Tonight.”</p><p>Jamie smiled, “I don’t know, Poppins. I don’t know, you got your hands full.” She wanted to stay, she did, but she also didn’t want to rush this thing or burn Dani out. Besides, her shower was calling and there was something about showering in your own bathroom.</p><p>Dani stepped closer, “Well, I’m gonna be up all night checking on her anyway.”</p><p>“Goodnight. Just goodnight.” Jamie smiled and leaned closer to Dani and took her hands in her own. “There are other nights and there will be other nights.”</p><p>“You promise?” Dani asked. They kissed and Dani wrapped her arms around the small of Jamie’s back to keep her close.</p><p>Jamie pulled away and whispered, “I promise.”</p><p>Her shower was relaxing. She turned it up high and let it run over her. It stung as it washed over her own mosquito bite– a bit lower on her chest than Dani’s had been so no one had noticed it. She quietly thanked Flora for her nuggets of wisdom that convinced Jamie to give Dani one last chance. And how amazing that chance turned out to be.</p><p>She fell asleep with a smile on her face and she couldn’t remember the last time that happened. Only a few short hours later, though, she woke up to a pounding heart, sweat pouring off her and a sense of dread. Everything in her screamed Dani’s name, it screamed at her to get to Bly as fast as she could. </p><p>It was too loud to ignore and so she wondered if Peter Quint had finally shown his face. She called up Owen who swore he was about to call her for the very same reason. They didn’t live too far apart so he was there in ten minutes and they took off.</p><p>The grounds at the manor were eerie when they arrived, almost too still. Jamie hoped that was the case and she and Owen had just overreacted. Then she saw Henry’s car and the fear in her solidified.</p><p>“Not you, not here,” Hannah cried behind them. Jamie turned around, everything moved so slow and felt so surreal. “No, no, what are you doing here?”<br/>“<br/>This is going to sound insane, but,”Owen pointed at himself and then Jamie. “We both had an awful dream and we just drove and–.”</p><p>“The lake,” Hannah panted. “They need you at the lake.”</p><p>Behind them, Dani’s warbled cry for Flora caught Jamie’s attention and she ran. She didn’t know what she was running towards, just that Dani’s voice sounded horrified and desperate. As they ran, they found Henry’s body, collapsed.</p><p>“Owen–,” Jamie cried.</p><p>He fell to the ground next to the man. “Go,” he yelled back.</p><p>Jamie’s heart beat faster and faster. “Dani!” She screamed as loud as she could. She hoped the au pair would stumble, safe, from the bushes or out of the greenhouse. At least call back to her, tell her not to worry. Horrible images flashed through Jamie’s mind. </p><p>From the lake, Jamie heard Dani’s voice. “It’s you. It’s me. It’s us.” As she spoke, her words were forced and raspy.</p><p>“Dani!” Jamie yelled again. She came around the corner and stopped in her tracks. Dani was waded into the water, waist-deep. In front of her, a woman with no face held Flora in her arms, both their heads just barely above the surface. They were all still. They all stood still, staring at each other like some secret exchange was happening between them. Jamie could barely breathe, barely think. Tears poured down her face and the only thing she could think was she would not lose Dani– she could not lose her.</p><p>In a moment so quick Jamie thought it had to have happened when she blinked her eyes, the woman with no face was gone and Flora was latched tightly around Dani’s neck. The au pair gasped, “It’s okay, it’s okay.” She kept repeating it over and over.</p><p>Jaime ran into the lake and took hold of them. She placed a hand on Flora’s back, supporting the girl, and wrapped an arm around Dani. “Shh, shh,” Jamie said. She took in the sight of Dani. One eye blue and one eye brown, both wide and full of panic. Red bruises lined her neck– something had choked her. Bruises don’t get that deep, voices don’t get that raspy, unless the person almost died. Fear washed over her, then quelled as she pressed her forehead against Dani’s. She was there, in her arms, terrified, but alive. Jamie could work with terrified.</p><p>They waded out of the water together. Flora broke off to hug her uncle and Owen went to support the au pair who could not stand without the cook on one side and the gardener on the other. Jamie’s forehead stayed against Dani’s, whispering over and over again, “You’re okay. I’ve got you. You’re okay.”</p><p>Owen desperately looked around the group for Hannah, but she was nowhere to be found. Henry’s apology served enough of a confirmation for Owen and he dropped to the ground. They all stood there for a while in collective shock. Owen’s cries eventually became the only sound any of them uttered. Jamie wanted to walk him back to the house, but she couldn’t let go of Dani. She was grateful when Flora separated from her uncle and took Owen’s hand.</p><p>“It only feels like dying because, actually, you’re still alive,” she repeated to him. Then, she wrapped her arms around him. “We should go inside. Would you like some tea?”</p><p>Owen pushed himself up from the ground and picked Flora up. “Tea would be lovely, angel.”</p><p>Flora smiled and held him tight again. “We could all probably use some tea before we catch cold. It’s very chilly out here.”</p><p>Together, the group moved quietly through the night and into the house. Flora did as promised, she set her uncle and Owen at the table and took to making the tea. Jamie didn’t join, though, instead she walked Dani upstairs and into her bedroom.</p><p>With the door closed, Dani tried to collapse from Jamie’s grip onto her bed. “Sweetheart, sweetheart,” Jamie cried and used more force to hold her up. “Your clothes are soaked, we’ve got to get you changed before you lay in bed.” Dani couldn’t stand up by herself, though, and Jamie needed to fetch clean clothes so she set her down on the bathroom floor against the bathtub. “Where do you keep your pajamas?” She asked. Of course, Dani didn’t answer. She stared straight in front of her, perpetually trying to catch her breath, sometimes clutching at her neck to remind her nothing was there. </p><p>Jamie knew Dani wouldn’t answer, but even so as she dug around the au pair’s dresser drawers she caught her own self gasping for air and fighting off tears. Her friend was gone, Dani was a million miles away, and she had images in her head that she knew she would never be able to forget. She sniffed and called over her shoulder, “Feels a bit early to be rifling through your pants drawer, Poppins.” She held her breath, hoping to hear anything. A giggle, a laugh, a comeback. She would even take sobs as long as some sign of life trickled out of Dani.</p><p>She found a nightgown tucked at the bottom of Dani’s drawer and returned to the bathroom. Changing Dani’s clothes proved to be a bit hard. Occasionally, she was able to help. Sometimes she could raise her hands in the air, sometimes she could lift her hips. It only ever lasted for a moment and Jamie learned quickly– after Dani’s elbow fell straight into Jamie’s head– that if Dani was able to help, she had to move fast. Eventually, she got her changed and even managed a bit of toothbrushing. </p><p>Dani seemed to have a bit more strength when Jamie lifted her from the floor and walked her to her bed. She leaned on Jamie a bit less and held up her own a bit more. “There, now,” Jamie said, lowering Dani onto the bed. “Doesn’t that feel better? Dry, warm, and in clean clothes. Did a good job, if I do say so myself.” </p><p>She pulled the blankets back as Dani slipped under them. Jamie tucked in the au pair just as she had seen the au pair tuck in Flora. The blanket was brought up to her shoulders, the bedside lamp was turned off, and Jamie pressed a kiss on the top of Dani’s head.</p><p>“I’m so glad you’re alive,” Jamie whispered. “Gave me a real fright, though.” She sighed and stood up off the bed. Dani’s hand snapped up and latched onto Jamie’s elbow. It surprised Jamie and she jumped.</p><p>“Please,” Dani forced out. She swallowed and licked her lips. “Please stay.”</p><p>Jamie nodded into the darkness, “Of course. Absolutely.” But, she was also wearing wet clothes. She remembered seeing an NYU t-shirt in Dani’s drawer so she retrieved it and threw it on. She climbed into bed next to Dani. As soon as Jamie was settled, Dani rolled over onto her side and buried her face against Jamie. Sobs began to fall out of Dani and Jamie sighed, relieved, that something alive still existed inside of her.</p><p>The gardener held the au pair until she cried herself to sleep in the other’s arms. All throughout the night, Dani would wake up gasping for air and Jamie would comfort her back to sleep. Early the next morning, Dani finally seemed to be sleeping peacefully so she slipped on her now dry sweatpants and found her way downstairs.</p><p>Owen was in the foyer putting on his jacket. He caught sight of Jamie. “I didn’t know you stayed here, too.”</p><p>She paused, “You drove me here, Owen.”</p><p>His eyes were empty. “Ah, that’s right.” He went silent and stared at the ground in front of him. Jamie was too familiar with that look. Owen snapped back into reality. “Henry and Miles say she’s in the well. I was, uh–.”</p><p>“I’ll come,” she said. He seemed grateful at her statement. She wasn’t sure she wanted to join, but she couldn’t leave him to do it alone either.  They walked in silence. They looked down in silence. Her body sat there, at the bottom of the well, just as Miles and Henry said. They cried together as they stared together.</p><p>“No!” Owen screamed. He grabbed onto the edge of the well and let his tears drop inside. Jamie grabbed a hold of his arm, afraid he might fall in after her. “We were supposed to go to Paris together.”</p><p>The police met the two there an hour later. They said she had been dead six months. Jamie couldn’t wrap her mind around it. Hannah stood in front of her twelve hours ago. Literally, twelve hours ago, yet she hadn’t at the same time. As she cried, she thought about Dani and Flora and Miles and Hannah and Owen. She thought about Rebecca and Henry and Charlotte and Dominic. Hell, she even thought about Peter Quint. So many people around her lost. Some to death and some to a lack of life. The pool of inconsolable grief inside her grew and enveloped her.</p><p>Jamie let herself back into Dani’s room. The au pair was still in bed, but at the sound of the closed door, she rolled over and stared at Jamie. “Poppins, hi,” she said. She sat down on the bed and brushed loose hair from Dani’s face. The bruises were darker today and she could see exactly where the woman had grabbed her. She sniffed back more tears. “How are you feeling?”</p><p>“My neck hurts,” Dani whispered back. She touched it with her hand and winced. “Thank you for staying.”</p><p>“I’m not going anywhere,” Jamie said. And she didn’t. </p><p>They all stayed at Bly for a few more days, mainly packing up the house. Henry was going to take the kids away and none of the others particularly wanted to stay. Jamie slept in the bed next to Dani every night. Neither of them talked about what had happened,and neither talked about what would happen when the front doors to Bly closed for good. Outside of the house, their lives were worlds apart. She didn’t want to say goodbye, but she wasn’t sure there was an alternative.</p><p>On their last day, Jamie packed up a few last things for Henry and returned to Dani’s room. “You about done up here?” Anxiety weighed heavy against her, unsure if they would have time together beyond the next few hours.</p><p>Dani looked over her shoulder at Jamie. “I got distracted.” That’s how it had been the past few days. Dani was back, stronger and physically recovered. She still felt a million miles away, though. She still felt lost.</p><p>“It’s alright, I’ll help you,” Jamie said and joined Dani at the chest of drawers. She picked up a few articles of clothing and then noticed that Dani was crying. “What’s wrong?”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Dani whispered.</p><p>“Dani,” Jamie pleaded.</p><p>The tears fell faster down Dani’s face. “I feel her. In here. So quiet, so quiet, but she’s in here. And the part of her that is in here, it isn’t peaceful.” She moved from the dresser to the foot of the bed and sat. “It’s quiet, but it isn’t peaceful. It’s rage. And I have this feeling like I’m walking through this dense, overgrown jungle. I can’t really see anything except the path in front of me. But I know there’s this thing hidden. This angry, empty, lonely, beast. It’s watching me, matching my movements. It’s just out of sight, but I can feel it. I know it’s there. It’s waiting. She’s waiting. At some point, she’s gonna take me.”</p><p>Jamie watched Dani tell this and felt the pain in her heart carve out a deeper hole. This was what she had been worried about. Pouring her love into someone and losing them. She was going to lose Dani– Dani had said as much. A week ago, she would have run. She would have cut her losses and left, knowing she wouldn’t get as hurt as she was now. But she also remembered that feeling, when she found Dani in the lake. That feeling that she couldn’t lose her, not because she couldn’t take anymore loss, no. She couldn’t lose Dani because she was worth it. She was worth everything and Jamie would rather stare down a ghost with no face than walk away. So she took the seat next to the au pair.</p><p>“Do you want company?” Jamie asked. Her heart beat fast in her chest, hoping with every fiber of her being that Dani would say yes. “While you wait for your beast in the jungle, do you want company?”</p><p>She held a single pinky up in the air. Dani crossed hers around Jamie’s and the gardener kissed the au pair’s hand. A promise to stay by her side. Dani was worth it, Jamie reminded herself. Dani was worth it.</p><p>They said goodbye to Henry, Flora, and Miles in the foyer. When Dani told Flora where her and Jamie would be heading, she sounded so excited. It was the first time the au pair seemed truly happy in the stretch of the past few days. Her hand reached out behind her to Jamie and the gardner took it, quietly. She breathed another sigh of relief, there had been so many that week. The small gesture, the sound of excitement– Jamie knew that she wasn’t Dani’s crutch for survival. Whatever time they had together from here on out was Dani’s leafling.</p><p>---------</p><p>“Mum?” Flora asked. “Where’s Dani?”</p><p>“Don’t worry about her, okay?” Jamie said. Her voice shook.</p><p>“Are you two getting a divorce?” Flora said, quiet.</p><p>Miles reached over and gave her a sibling-punch– not too hard but enough to feel it. “To get divorced you have to be married, stupid. They’re not married yet, are they?”</p><p>“I’m not stupid,” Flora cried. “Mum, Miles called me stupid.”</p><p>Jamie could feel the irritation rise up in her. All her energy was being spent trying to be okay for just a bit longer, she couldn’t even pretend to have patience for the bickering.</p><p>“You are stupid, though,” Miles insisted.</p><p>“I am not. I’m better at fractions than you are.”</p><p>“I’m better at fractions than you are,” Miles mocked.</p><p>Jamie took a few deep breaths. She didn’t see Flora’s attention return to her in the rearview mirror.</p><p>“Is she ever going to come back?” Flora asked. </p><p>“I don’t know,” Jamie snapped. Her hands tightened on the wheel and hopelessness swept over her. “I don’t know, sweetheart.”</p><p>The car went silent. The excitement to see Owen was now overcast by the same questions they all had. Jamie wanted to break down. She wanted to pull over the car and throw herself into the snow just to feel anything other than this. She wanted to crawl into a shell and never come out. But, there were two people in the backseat of her car that needed her not to do that. How would she ever explain this to them?</p><p>When they finally found Owen in the holiday traffic of the airport, Flora ran to him and buried her head into his stomach. Miles nodded toward him without much more of a greeting. “I know it’s early, but why does everyone seem so downtrodden?”</p><p>Jamie pulled Owen in for a tight hug. “Dani,” she whispered. </p><p>“Oh, yeah,” Owen said. “Where did she run off to, anyway?”</p><p>“What do you mean?” Jamie asked.</p><p>Owen looked at her in confusion. “I just saw her a bit ago. Didn’t you split up to look for me?”</p><p>Miles shook his head, “Dani didn’t come with us.”</p><p>Jamie faded out trying to understand why Dani would be at the airport. “You must have mistaken her for someone else.” Over Owen’s shoulder, she just caught sight of a departure board updating with new flights.</p><p>“I called her name and she looked over at me before getting lost in the crowd.”</p><p>With one hand, Jamie steadied Flora, who stood between her and the board, so she could push around the young girl without knocking her over. Her eyes scanned the board, but none of the departures were slated to go to London. She cussed under her breath remembering it wasn’t an international airport. There would be no way of finding Dani’s flight. Jamie would just have to meet her there.</p><p>“She’s gonna fly to London,” Jamie told Owen. His face changed from confusion to understanding to fear. “I have to go. Can you stay here with them?”</p><p>“I’m coming,” Owen stated. “You’re going to need me.”</p><p>Jamie looked over at the children as she tried to decide what to do. If this didn’t end well, she was going to need them. And the kids needed her. They were confused, unsure of what was happening, but probably feeling like they were about to lose the last few people they had. She held her hand out toward the kids and waved them over.</p><p>“Come one, then. We’ve got to get us some plane tickets.”</p><p>The attendant was able to get them onto an immediate flight to New York, but the next connecting flight to London would be a five hour layover. It was the best they could get so Jamie took it. In New York, she picked up some breakfast, coffee, and tea while Owen played card games with the kids. With full tummies, the kids fell asleep in the terminal seats.</p><p>“You came all the way out here only to turn around and go right back with me. Thank you,” Jamie said to Owen.</p><p>He waved his hand, “No way in hell I would let you do this by yourself.” He looked at the sleeping kids. “What do you think you’re going to find when you get there?”</p><p>Jamie shook her head and sighed, “Tell you the truth, I’m not sure. I just know I need to be there.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for all the kind feedback and love! I always love more Bly Manor friends so follow me on twitter and shoot me a DM! @ministana</p><p>Posting Schedule: Mondays, Wendnesdays, Fridays</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It felt like forever had passed by the time they touched down in London. Taxis were all booked so Owen helped to organize a rental car for them. The teenage boy moved slow, uninterested in his job. He spent a lot of time making small talk that no one was returning. He chatted about how England was having a warmer winter than they’d had in ten years. That fact felt like the knife in Jamie’s stomach was twisted even more with the idea that the lake was probably not frozen over.</p><p>“Where are you headed?” The teenager asked. His pen was poised over the paperwork, waiting for an answer.</p><p>“Bly,” Owen said.</p><p>“Huh, interesting.” He wrote the name down on the paper and as he did, he said, “Just rented out to some cute American twenty minutes ago who was also headed that way. Small world, I guess.”</p><p>For the first time, Jamie felt a small wave of hope pass through her. She looked at Owen, eyes wide. “Twenty minutes. We might make it in time.”</p><p>They hadn’t really given Miles and Flora the full story yet. The kids knew they were returning to Bly, knew Dani had left overnight to go there, but nothing more. They were smart kids, though, who understood the inner workings of their old home and their mind filled in the gaps on their own.</p><p>It was another long, quiet period of travel. The closer they got to Bly, the more anxiety stirred inside Miles and Flora in the backseat. They shared more and more looks between themselves. When they finally turned down the driveway to the manor, Flora gasped and grabbed her brother’s hand.</p><p>Owen made to drive to the front entrance of Bly but Jamie instructed him to drive around to the lake.</p><p>“What, like over the grass?” Owen said. “Are you sure?”</p><p>“Not my grass, anymore,” Jamie muttered. So, he turned the wheel and weaved between bushes and stone fixtures until he made it to the lake. Before he could even put the car in park, Jamie jumped out.</p><p>“Dani?” She yelled. She spun in a circle, trying to find any sign of the other woman. Next to the lake, Dani’s jacket and bag sat on the ground. “No,” Jamie whispered. Her heartbeat picked up with the fear that she was too late.</p><p>Behind Jamie, she heard Owen’s feet crunch across dead leaves. “Oh, God, do you think she’s in the lake?”</p><p>“Go back to the car,” Jamie yelled over her shoulder. “Watch the kids and do not let Flora get out.” He did as told and walked backward to the car, unable to peel his eyes from the lake. </p><p>Jamie waded into the water, completely oblivious to the shock of cold. Once the water was up to her waist, she went under. She caught sight of Dani’s blonde hair floating below her. The water was muddy and tall plant life obstructed her view a bit, but she knew her mind wasn’t playing tricks on her when Dani whipped around at the sound of water moving. </p><p>“Dani,” Jamie sobbed through the water. She propelled herself forward and grabbed Dani’s waist, pulling her back to the shoreline.</p><p>The two gasped for air at the surface. “What are you doing here?” Dani exclaimed, frustration edged around her words. They climbed out of the water and collapsed onto the wet grass.</p><p>Wet hair was stuck to Dani’s face and Jamie pushed it back. “I thought because I understood that I would be okay with this, but I’m not. I’m not okay with losing you,” Jamie said. “I need you and those kids need you. Owen dropped everything to help you. None of us want you to go. So please, Dani, I’m begging you. Please don’t go.”</p><p>Dani pulled Jamie against her and kissed her. “You,” she ran her hand along the side of Jamie’s face. “You, Jamie Taylor, are the love of my life. No matter what happens, you deserve to know that.”</p><p>“And you’re mine, Poppins. So I’m a bit stuck with you. I’m not leaving without you and do you really want me living in this big old house by myself for the rest of my life?” Jamie laughed a little.</p><p>“You would have a lot of room for plants,” Dani offered.</p><p>Jamie laughed again, “You’re right. Screw it.”</p><p>Dani pressed her eyes closed and a shiver passed through her. It wasn’t the cold that got to her, but the sadness. When she spoke, it was barely a notch above a whisper. “I’m okay, Jamie. I’ve made my peace with it.”</p><p>As Jamie pressed her lips together, no doubt trying to drown a growing sob, she shook her head. “But I haven’t.” She grabbed Dani’s hand and squeezed. With each word, her panic rose higher and higher inside of her. “I can’t raise two kids without you, or run a business without you. Fuck, I don’t know how to live without you.”</p><p>“It’s going to be difficult, but you’ve got Owen and Ellie.” Dani looked at the wet grass beneath them as tears slipped down her face. Even as she said all these things, even as she accepted this was how her story ended, she still shook as she cried, she still held tight to Jamie’s hand, not ready to let go. She was convincing herself just as much as she was convincing Jamie. “You’ve been to hell and back before. You can do it again.”</p><p>Jamie rested her forehead against Dani’s and gasped for air through her tears. “That wasn’t hell. Hell is losing you.”</p><p>“We don’t have a choice,” Dani said. “The kids…” her voice trailed off and she looked over her shoulder at them. It broke her heart. Their faces were pressed against the window, desperately trying to see what was happening. Owen was perched against the hood of the car. When he noticed Dani staring, he tried to divert his attention to the trees off to the side.</p><p>“They’d want you to say goodbye,” Jamie whispered. She moved back from Dani and wiped her face. The two stood up together and they waited there, as cold and sadness filled up the space between them. It felt like the night Dani first took Jamie’s hand outside Bly. Neither knew what was supposed to happen in that moment, or what the right thing was. Finally, Jamie cussed under her breath and threw her arms around her girlfriend, pulling her tight. “I love you.”</p><p>Dani leaned into the hug and let out a deep sigh of relief. “I love you too,” she said back. The goodbye was hard. She thought it would be too hard to have, but now she knew that not saying goodbye would have been even harder. They stood there, holding each other, tears pouring down their faces for what felt like forever but also nowhere near long enough. When Dani pulled away, she gave Jamie a long kiss then retrieved her bag from the ground. She silently handed it to Jamie who took it without question, but cried harder at the meaning behind it: Dani would no longer need it.</p><p>Sitting on the top of the bag was Henry’s letter and it caught Jamie’s attention. “You brought that?”</p><p>“I, I thought it would help me, but,” Dani shook her head. “It didn’t. All he wrote about was the history of Bly.”</p><p>“Let me see,” Jamie said. She picked up the letter and dropped the bag to the ground, knowing that she was just buying more time with Dani.</p><p>Dani leaned over the letter as Jamie opened it. “Apparently, some of the first owners were these two wealthy sisters. The oldest got married and had a baby. She got really sick with pneumonia and was pretty much confined to a bedroom for years until she died, basically unheard of during that time. Anyway, the younger sister and the husband fell in love, got married, and she raised the daughter as her own until one day she was mysteriously strangled in the middle of the night.”</p><p>“Sounds familiar, doesn’t it?” Jamie asked. The cold was starting to kick in and she rubbed her arms. </p><p>Dani kept going. “The dad and the daughter left the next day. Before they went, they made sure to throw a trunk into the lake. Henry thinks it’s the trunk that ties all of this together. He goes on to say if Flora is going to be saved, he has to be responsible for his part of the story. I don’t really know what he means by that, but he wrote, ‘There are some secrets so shameful even a man facing death cannot confess them’.”</p><p>Jamie thought for a moment. “Well, he is Flora’s real father. Or, at least we all thought.”</p><p>“What do you mean?” Dani asked.</p><p>“I wasn’t there when she was born, obviously, but according to Hannah there were just some questionable timelines regarding Flora’s birth. Dominic would go on these long business trips and Henry would come stay almost the entire time. Even saw him leaving Charlotte’s room early in the morning a few times.” Jamie glanced back down at the letter. “Do you think that’s what he’s talking about?”</p><p>As she listened to Jamie talk about the affair, the Lady inside of her started to writhe with anger and pieces began to connect for Dani. “The Lady in the Lake is the older sister, she has to be. She sees Henry and Dominic’s betrayal as a mirror of hers. That’s why she’s so attached to Flora. Every time she walked the house, she would probably see some part of it playing out and it angered her.” </p><p>Jamie looked up from the letter and back to the lake. “Do you think the trunk is why Henry left you the place?”</p><p>“You said yourself, there’s no reason why he did this,” Dani reminded her.</p><p>“What was the thing he included in his will?” Jamie thought to herself and, when she had it, her eyes glistened with excitement. “Don’t sell Bly until you break the lock. Maybe he means the locks on the trunk. That’s probably what those weird keys are for.”</p><p>Dani looked back down at the letter and then at the lake. Something inside of her seemed to be whispering into her ear that Jamie was right, that she had to find the trunk. It scared her, but she couldn’t help but feel that if they had a chance, this was it. “If we try this,” she started, slowly, “and it doesn’t work, you have to promise me that you will turn around and leave as fast as you can. For Flora.”</p><p>Jamie nodded, “For Flora.”</p><p>The two dove back into the lake, this time together. Below the surface, Dani pointed it out to Jamie. It was a large, brown thing, with intricate metal work and three key holes. Each of the women grabbed a side and hoisted it up. It was heavy and they had to resurface a few times for air, but they eventually pushed it to a point in the lake where they could leverage it out of the water.</p><p>The trunk, now safely on the grass, poured water from its sides and corners. The metal was a bit rusted, but it had remained locked. “How do we open it?” Jamie asked. Dani remembered the keys that Henry had left her. She retrieved them quickly and found that they were a perfect match for each of the three locks. With the final lock turned, Dani went to open it, but Jamie clamped it back shut. “Are we sure this is the right thing to do? Maybe we’re supposed to just destroy it or find a ghost to give it back to.”</p><p>“It’s the only thing to do,” Dani said. Any feelings of doubt she had were pushed aside by the overwhelming feeling of eagerness. Every part of her was screaming out to open the trunk. It was all she could think about, the only thing her hands wanted to do. Jamie’s finally moved over and together they hoisted the heavy lid open.</p><p>The contents of the trunk were perfectly kept despite its decades in the water. Beautiful dresses were folded carefully on top of each other. Gold jewelry rested on top of the fabric. To top it off, wilted rose petals were sprinkled throughout the trunk.</p><p>“Dresses?” Jamie said, almost disappointed. She stopped talking as soon as she realized that Dani’s attention was no longer on the trunk but on her. When she met her girlfriend’s gaze, time seemed to freeze and her heartbeat was so loud in her ears she couldn’t hear anything else. </p><p>Dani’s one blue eye was now just as brown as the one beside it.</p><p>Jamie wondered how much of the story Dani had told her was true and how much was a setup by the Lady in the Lake to take full control. A calm sense of dread passed over Jamie. She wondered if she should run, but she thought of the kids in the car. If she ran, the only place she could go was to the car in hopes of escaping, but if it didn’t work then she would risk the lives of Owen, Miles, and Flora. If she stayed, let the Lady of the Lake take her, too, they would have time to leave.</p><p>She closed her eyes as Dani’s hand wrapped around her neck and held tight.</p>
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<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Here's the chapter you all have been waiting for :) </p><p>Good luck, xx</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Owen had watched the entire scene play out in some mix of anxiety, fear, and confusion. When Jamie first jumped in, he thought for sure she would come back up alone and scream out in grief. She came back up with Dani, alive, and the two were laughing to themselves a few short minutes later. They talked amongst themselves for a while and then went back into the lake. He wasn’t really sure what they were doing– perhaps a light swim?– until they finally hoisted a trunk out of the water. </p><p>Something about the trunk scared him. Or maybe it was the way Jamie looked so hopeful she missed the shift in Dani, but Owen caught on right away. The second the first key turned in the lock, Dani’s posture was different. There was just an air about her that sent a chill through his spine. He watched Jamie finally put the pieces together and he readied himself to jump back into the car. Except, Jamie didn’t move. She sat there, entirely aware of what was about to happen, and didn’t move.</p><p>Dani’s hand grabbed hold of Jamie’s neck and Jamie began to claw at her throat.</p><p>“Holy shit, Jamie,” Owen yelled. He didn’t want to leave her, but he knew the kids had been left in his charge. The keys fumbled in his hand as he turned to unlock the car. A thumping on the window caught his attention.</p><p>Miles and Flora were in the backseat still, their face pressed up against the glass. It was Miles who was pounding his palm on the glass. “Don’t leave her,” he said loud enough for Owen to hear. He pleaded again, “Don’t leave her.”</p><p>Owen turned back around, but he had no clue what to do. He ran toward his friends and tried to pry Jamie out of the Lady’s hands. Jamie’s eyes, full of panic, watched him get nowhere. The Lady in the Lake’s grip was iron-clad. He regained his footing and sent his fist into Dani’s jaw. Her head jerked off to one side and then slowly craned back around until her brown eyes made contact with his. Her free hand began to raise up to Owen’s neck and he swallowed, unsure whether to run or fight back.</p><p>“Stop it!” Flora screamed from behind. “Let them go. It’s me you want, just like last time.”</p><p>Dani’s hand hovered in the air as she listened to Flora’s voice. Finally, it dropped to her side and she began to walk across the lawn toward the girl. Each step was long and labored as she pulled Jamie, red in the face, along beside her. Halfway across the lawn, Jamie went limp against Dani’s hand. Once Dani reached Flora’s side, she loosened her hold on Jamie and the woman crashed to the ground.</p><p>Flora slid her hand into Dani’s. “Where do you want to go?”</p><p>Dani turned around and guided Flora back across the lawn. Owen returned to Jamie’s side. He went between trying to wake Jamie to watching Dani take Flora closer and closer to the lake. He didn’t know what to do.</p><p>Once the two reached the trunk, Dani sat down on her knees in front of it and waited for Flora to do the same. The young girl looked up at the face of the woman who had cared for her for so long, knowing that was not the person behind it anymore. As the two held eye contact, Flora came to understand what the Lady in the Lake wanted. She reached into the trunk and pulled out the first dress on the top. As she held it up, a few petals floated off of it. The dress was a deep red, complemented by pieces of white fabric and bright gold threading.<br/>“What do you think about this one?” Flora asked. Dani shook her head and pointed at a different dress in the trunk. Flora gently returned the red dress to its place and picked up the green one instead. “You’re right, this one will go with my eyes more. Shall I put it on?” Dani nodded.</p><p>Flora stood up and pulled the dress over her head. It was probably two times her size. The sleeves stretched far past her hands and almost a foot of fabric was collapsed onto the ground around her feet. Dani picked up a gold necklace with a large blue gem hanging from the center. She stood and, one long step at a time, walked around Flora. She draped the necklace around Flora’s neck and pulled it tight against her skin. The young girl began to breathe deep out of fear and her hand flew to her neck to grab at the chain.</p><p>A small click sounded as the clasp came together and the chain dropped down into place. Flora slowed her breathing and steadied herself then turned to face Dani. Dani’s brown eyes swept up and down the girl. Satisfied, she nodded once. Then, her eyes rolled to the back of her head and Dani collapsed onto the ground. </p><p>“Flora?” Miles called across the lawn the second Dani fell.</p><p>“I’m okay,” she yelled back. She dropped to her knees again and began to shake Dani’s shoulder. “Wake up, wake up.” When that didn’t work, Flora slapped Dani’s cheek and the older woman jolted awake. </p><p>Dani sat up, probably too fast, and took a disoriented look around. “What’s going on? What are you wearing?”</p><p>If Dani had stopped to think about it, she would have noticed how peaceful she felt. She would have noticed that the only feelings inside of her were her own. Viola no longer existed in Dani and Dani no longer existed in Viola. The Lady in the Lake, who had spent an eternity protecting her dresses for her daughter, was finally at peace knowing they had made it to someone deserving of them. Viola Willoughby could finally rest. Dani could think about none of these things, though, because something caught her attention from the corner of her eye. Jamie was on the ground and Owen was desperately giving her CPR. Dani let out a blood curdling scream. She pushed to her feet and stumbled her way across the lawn.</p><p>“Jamie,” Dani wailed. She held her girlfriend’s head and stared into the lifeless eyes. Thick bruises had already formed around Jamie’s neck. “It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. Why did you follow me?! It wasn’t supposed to happen like this.”</p><p>Owen’s dips stopped and he leaned back. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered and shook his head. “I think it’s been too long.”</p><p>“No,” Dani yelled. She repositioned herself and took over. “Just a little more time. We have to give it a little more time.”</p><p>Miles and Flora joined them. Flora had gotten the dress off of herself and Miles had helped her back into her winter jacket. They huddled together to stay warm as they watched. Flora’s face, though sad, was strong and bore no sign of tears. Miles didn’t even bother to fight off his, though, and he watched through the heavy tears pouring down his cheeks. After another minute, Flora walked up to Dani and put her hand on her shoulder.</p><p>“Maybe it’s time to say goodbye,” Flora said.</p><p>Dani shook her head again. Her tears were hot against the cold of her face and snot shamelessly ran down her lips and chin. “She never gave up on me. I can’t give up on her.”</p><p>Flora stepped back and Owen moved in behind Dani. He wrapped his arms around her and tried to pull her back away from Jamie’s body. “You have to stop.” She squirmed out of his hands and returned.</p><p>“Give me a second,” she snapped. Dani kept going. “Please, Jamie. Please.” </p><p>Acceptance settled in Dani that there was nothing she could do. The Lady in the Lake was gone, but so was Jamie and she wondered if any of this had been worth it. She laid herself across Jamie’s chest and wove her fingers into Jamie’s hair. </p><p>“I love you,” Dani whispered. </p><p>A cold hand started to push Dani over. She sat up expecting to find Owen there, trying to pull her away again. He was off loading the kids into the car, though, so Dani tried to find another explanation. A small cough below her made her look down at Jamie. Her hand was feeling the bruises on her neck while she took staggered, labored breaths.</p><p>“Hi,” Dani sputtered, between tears and a light laugh. She set a hand on the top of Jamie’s head. Jamie tried to say something, but just ended up coughing and running her hand over her neck again. “You’re okay. Owen!” </p><p>Owen came jogging around the car. “What is it?”</p><p>“She’s back. Help me get her up.” Dani slid an arm underneath Jamie’s upper back. Owen did the same and, once Jamie was propped up, she looped an arm around Dani’s shoulders to support herself.</p><p>Jamie searched Dani’s face and smiled. “Blue eyes,” she croaked out. “It’s you.”</p>
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<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I can't believe the response to the previous chapter! Thank you all so much. There's still a lot left in the story so I hope you enjoye some (fairly) lighthearted Damie fluff :)</p>
<p>Posting schedule: Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was Christmas Eve. The first Christmas Eve that Dani, Jamie, Miles, and Flora had together as a family, and certainly not their last. Flora reminded Jamie that she had once been the master of Christmas. She told Dani that Christmas at Bly would not be Christmas without Jamie. Every year at the end of November, Jamie would show up early and spend the entire day hanging lights, wrapping tinsel around banisters, hanging wreaths from almost every door– except for Miles’s and Flora’s doors which were covered in wrapping paper and modeled into a present. “Because you’re the gifts of Bly Manor,” Jamie would say to them every year. Then, Jamie would leave around six and return around eight with a massive Christmas tree. Flora and Miles would help her bring it in and the three of them, along with Charlotte Wingrave, Hannah and Owen when he started, would drink hot chocolate while hanging ornaments.</p>
<p>Upon their return from England, Owen happily escorted them home, with promises that he would not be leaving until his professional opinion determined that Jamie was well recovered. That really just meant he spent a lot of time cooking good food and following Jamie’s orders around the house. She took full advantage of that and, from her resting position on the couch, directed him in breathing Christmas spirit into the house. It did anger her that she couldn’t do it herself and she found herself barking at Owen for miniscule things. </p>
<p>“No, you have to wrap it around, Owen. Don’t just drape it,” Jamie said. He stood in the entranceway attempting to understand her instructions for hanging up the tinsel. His arms were fully spread, holding tinsel in each hand and he searched the ceiling in front of him trying to decipher Jamie’s instructions. </p>
<p>He brought it back down to chest height and held it out to better see. “Oh, you mean like this.” Owen looped the tinsel around the back of his neck. “And a little of this, too, right?” He flipped one side over his shoulder so it resembled a scarf.</p>
<p>Jamie laughed so hard her head fell back onto the pillow behind her. “We wrap a hook around the other end, you would be a very dashing ornament.”</p>
<p>“Oh, yeah, the kind you stash away in a box for a year to collect dust,” Owen shot back and removed the tinsel to wrap around the pillar. </p>
<p>“No,” Jamie insisted. “You’ll be wrapped up in a ten year old newspaper so you don’t break.”</p>
<p>Owen laughed, “Yes, that’s more like it.”</p>
<p>The hospital staff that checked in Jamie had called the police at the sight of the bruises on her neck. She could barely talk, so Dani and Owen created a story about a squatter who had attacked Jamie. When Jamie nodded fervently to confirm the story to police, they accepted it without question and left. The nurses kept Jamie overnight. Owen, Flora, and Miles slept in the chairs in the corner. Dani pulled a chair up beside Jamie’s bed and fell asleep hunched over onto the mattress, holding her girlfriend’s hand.</p>
<p>Damage to Jamie’s throat was minimal, thankfully. It was mainly bruising to her throat muscles and vocal chords. Talking got easier, but her voice was still raspy. The doctor prescribed a soft food diet until her throat healed. Owen feigned a salute and told Dani to take that as his official notice for temporarily moving in with them. But, it was actually the bruised ribs that caused the most pain for Jamie. She spent most of her time with ice over them to ease the pain.</p>
<p>Dani refused to leave Jamie’s side for a while after that. It wasn’t until the day before their Christmas Eve party that she finally went out for a significant period of time. Owen sent her and the kids off with a large shopping list, since he self-assumed the role of preparing the food.</p>
<p>“The only decent chef here is down for the count so I have to step up to the plate,” Owen quipped.</p>
<p>“Ow,” Dani cried, through a chuckle.</p>
<p>“Don’t worry, mum,” Flora said. “You’re good at other things.”</p>
<p>Dani raised an eyebrow, “Yeah? Like what?”</p>
<p>Miles’s eyebrows pressed together in thought. He snapped his fingers, “You’re great at hosting parties.”</p>
<p>Flora nodded emphatically, “Yes. You are the epitome of a hostess. We would know, you know. Mummy was a great hostess.”</p>
<p>“Nice save,” Dani said. She waved them out of the door to the garage. With them safely gone, Jamie and Owen took to decorating the house so it would be a surprise when the others got home.</p>
<p>Owen secured the tinsel to the pillar with a piece of tape and placed his hands on his hips as he looked around the place. “I must say, Jamie. We’ve done a magnificent job.” It was true. The tree had already been decorated from before the excursion to England. Now, lights hung around the main wall of the living room. Stockings were placed on hooks over the fireplace. A Nutcracker or two were put on display atop open surfaces. The short shelves under the window displayed a nativity scene. Owen had started a small fire in the fireplace and turned on a nice selection of Christmas music. Even the house smelled like peppermint and vanilla.</p>
<p>“Not quite,” Jamie said. “I have to do their doors.”</p>
<p>“You sure you can do it?” Owen asked, incredulous. With the pain in her chest and whatever was left in her throat, Jamie struggled to do much beyond walking and talking.</p>
<p>“Yes, it’s my thing. It wouldn’t be the same if it wasn’t done by me.”</p>
<p>Owen nodded, “Okay. But, I’m following behind to hand you scissors and such.”</p>
<p>“Sounds like a deal, then,” Jamie answered.</p>
<p>When Dani and the kids returned home, they were surprised by the transformation of the house. Flora danced from room to room and Miles found a bag of walnuts to try and crack with the nutcrackers. Dani sat on the couch next to Jamie.</p>
<p>“Look at this place,” Dani whispered. She followed the Christmas lights around the living room. “Flora was right. You are the master at this.”</p>
<p>“I’ve got another trick up my sleeve, you know.” Jamie’s eyes glinted and she pulled out a piece of mistletoe which she held above Dani’s head. “Oh, would you look at that. Guess I have to kiss the hot au pair. Sorry, Poppins, I don’t make the rules.”</p>
<p>Dani cast her a smile for the cheesy joke then slipped her hand around the back of Jamie’s neck and kissed her. She pulled back and looked Jamie up and down. “There’s just one issue. I’m not the au pair.”</p>
<p>“No, I suppose you’re not,” Jamie said and went in for another kiss.</p>
<p>The party was loud. The best kind of loud a party could be– not loud from the sound of speakers blasting eardrums, but loud from the existence of chatter and laughter. Their house burst at the seams with more people than had ever been there at one time. Flora and Miles had each invited their friends from school over. Parents talked amongst themselves while kids darted through and around legs of adults. Sometimes one would fall over or a toy would go flying and a parent would pull away from a conversation to quietly scold. Mrs. Clayton had come, completely oblivious to what Dani and Jamie were really celebrating, and brought along some of her friends to whom she gladly, and on multiple occasions, showed off her grandkids. Jamie and Dani didn’t have too many friends themselves, but the ones they did have were invited, including Ellie who showed up with the girl from the boutique across the street from their shops.</p>
<p>The first thing Ellie noticed was the remaining bruises around Jamie’s neck. Most of it was gone, and the few spots that were left were fairly well covered by makeup, but Ellie was always good at seeing through those kinds of things. Jessica, the woman from the boutique, stepped aside to talk to someone else for a while and Ellie took it as an opportunity to ask what the hell happened to Jamie.</p>
<p>Ellie had been asking questions about Bly for a while and the way Jamie and Dani dodged them had only increased her suspicion so the two thought it was worth it to answer some questions. Except, you can’t answer a few questions about Bly without divulging the whole story. When they did, Ellie stared at them with wide eyes and gulped down the last of her drink.</p>
<p>“Owen? We’re gonna need a refill over here,” Jamie called over her shoulder. The makeshift bar, really just a folding table pitched close to the island which held an array of snacks, was only a few feet from where Jamie and Dani stood. Owen nodded and grabbed a fresh glass, but Jamie shook her head. “Just pass me the whole bottle. We told her about Bly.”</p>
<p>“Right.” Owen set the glass down and handed her the bottle of scotch. “One good or are you going to need two for that?”</p>
<p>“We’ll start with one for now and see where it gets us.” Jamie tilted the bottle over Ellie’s glass. Once it was filled, Ellie again downed it and held out for another one.</p>
<p>The woman pointed at Dani. “You’re telling me that, this whole time I’ve known you, you’ve been possessed by a ghost?”</p>
<p>Dani bobbed her head back and forth a bit. “More like 50% possessed.”</p>
<p>Jamie raised her glass toward her girlfriend, “Except for the other day at Bly when you tried to kill me.”</p>
<p>“Oh, yeah,” Dani nodded. “Then I was 100% possessed.”</p>
<p>Ellie sighed and finished her glass again. “So what are you going to do with it now?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know, it’s got kind of a charm to it now that all the ghosts are gone, doesn’t it?” Dani looked at Jamie as she said it.</p>
<p>“It’s true, I get an adrenaline rush every time I think about going back,” Jamie added. “Honestly, I think Dani and I are going to have to start adding some choking–.” Dani playfully hit Jamie’s arm with the back of her hand.</p>
<p>“Come on, we’re surrounded by kids,” Dani said. Jamie held her hands up in surrender.</p>
<p>“You should turn it into one of those haunted hotels,” Ellie suggested. “I bet you could make a killing off the story.”</p>
<p>At that moment, Flora, Miles, and all their friends announced that there was going to be a show and the adults would be the audience. While Flora lined up the other kids, Jamie slipped an arm around Dani’s lower back.</p>
<p>“I dunno,” Jamie said to Ellie. “I think they’ve been through enough. They don’t need it following them anymore than it already will.”</p>
<p>Everyone watched the ten minute story-time about a woman with a sleep walking problem who couldn’t wake up in time for Christmas. Santa Claus with his two child assistants had to rush to find the right magic dress to wake her just in time to experience Christmas with her family. Once it was over, Flora (who naturally played the girl who found the magic dress) bowed and credited herself as the writer, director, and producer.</p>
<p>“That’s a good sign, right?” Dani asked Jamie as she clapped.</p>
<p>“Always was before,” Jamie said. All around them, people were congratulating Flora and the others on a job well done then started to return to the company of the other adults. The hum of conversations pushing against each other for space picked up again in the house and so did Jamie’s nervous energy. She took Dani’s hand and whispered into her ear, “Let’s just get out of here for a second, Blue Eyes.”</p>
<p>Dani looked around at all the people in their house. “And go where, exactly?”</p>
<p>Jamie took her hand and pulled her to the backdoor. She grabbed their coats and the two quietly slipped outside and scurried around to the gate on the side of their yard. They each slipped their thick winter jackets on over their dresses. Jamie’s was a long sleeve, form fitting, emerald dress in velvet completed with black tights and black boots. Dani’s was a simple gold, flowy dress with puffy long sleeves. She wore nylons under it that matched her skin and a cream colored boot that went half way up her calf. Flora said the two of them together looked like a Christmas tree.</p>
<p>They huddled together, holding hands, as they walked through the falling snow. Old snow crunched under their feet and every once in a while they would find a small ice patch and have to hold each other up.</p>
<p>“When I thought you were gone,” Dani started, “was that what it’s been like for you since the beginning? Just waiting to see if we could get more time?”</p>
<p>“At times, yeah,” Jamie said. In the five days since they faced Bly Manor head on, they hadn’t talked about it almost at all. Their days had been spent enjoying every moment with each other and their family, Owen included. “It was always worth it, though. I would do it over again even if I knew it wouldn’t end up like this.”</p>
<p>Dani stopped walking and turned so her body was pressed up against Jamie’s. “It finally hit me today, you know. It’s just us. No curse, no wondering if there’s going to be a tomorrow, or if I’m going to hurt the people I love.” She dipped her head and stared at their hands. “And then I couldn’t help but wonder, if that’s what you want? You knew when we left England there was going to be an expiration date. Now that it’s gone, we can have a life together without writing in a contingency plan for everything. Do you still want that?”</p>
<p>“Oh, Dani,” Jamie said. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted. Jodie Foster could walk into our house right now and I would tell her, ‘sorry, already got the woman of my dreams’.”</p>
<p>“Sounds pretty serious,” Dani laughed.</p>
<p>Jamie exaggerated a nod, “Oh, it is. I’ve got big plans, you know.”</p>
<p>Dani’s eyes glinted as a smile flashed over her face. “Like what?”</p>
<p>“Can’t ruin the surprise, now can I, Blue Eyes?” Jamie quipped.</p>
<p>Dani leaned forward and kissed Jamie. The warmth of their lips touching each other reverberated down into her toes and through her hands. A little giggle behind them followed by the crunching of snow caught their attention. Jamie pulled away to look over her shoulder, but Dani pressed a bare palm against Jamie’s face to hold her there. “As it turns out, I’ve got some plans, too.” The small figure, the source of the giggle, dashed into the darkness of the backyard of their house only a few yards away from them. “We should head back before we get hypothermia.”</p>
<p>The pair turned around and began the short trek back to their front door. On the curb beside their driveway, a medium-sized plant spilled over the sides of a terracotta pot and dipped into the snow beneath it.</p>
<p>“What’s this?” Jaime asked. </p>
<p>“Someone must have heard of your gardening skills and abandoned a lost cause at your door for you to save,” Dani joked. Jamie narrowed her eyes at her girlfriend in a slightly interrogatory way. She was never much of a joker, Dani. She always felt bad or too excited and gave it up before it had time to fully hit. “Okay, okay. It was an abandoned plant, though. Miles and Flora found it while we were grocery shopping yesterday and begged to bring it home for you to save.”</p>
<p>Jaime looked down at it skeptically. “So what’s it doing out here then?”</p>
<p>“Well, I was kind of dying, too. When I first met you,” Dani said. “You fed me and took care of me and because of that I got to grow into a better version of myself. I don’t know, it sounds cheesy, but I just thought this plant is kind of like us. It feels like it represents who we are and where we’re going.”</p>
<p>A smile softened all of Jamie’s features right then. Her eyes were so bright they almost lit up the world around her better than the street lamp above their head. She crouched down to get a better look at the plant. “The biggest issue is that its roots are probably much too big for this small of a pot. No worries, though, I’ve got just the thing at the shop.” Jamie gently pulled the plant up from the pot to determine if her theory was correct. “Oh, there’s something in here.” She pushed her fingers into the dirt and the roots and pulled out a golden claddagh ring. The plant fell back into the pot and she stood up. “Dani, why is there a ring–.”</p>
<p>“Here’s the thing,” Dani said. “You’re my best friend and the love of my life. I don’t know how much time is left, no one does really, I guess. But, now, we’ve got a shot at forever and I want to spend it with you. And I know we can’t technically get married, but I also don’t really care. We can wear the rings and we’ll know, okay? That’s enough for me, if it’s enough for you.”</p>
<p>Jamie nodded and blinked tears of joy. “I reckon that’s enough for me, yeah.” She threw her arms around Dani’s neck and kissed her. “I love you so much.”</p>
<p>“I love you, too,” Dani whispered back.</p>
<p>The giggles picked up again from the shadows by the house. Jamie pulled her head back, still holding Dani close. “Where are those two little gremlins?”</p>
<p>Flora ran out from the shadows with Miles close behind. “We’re right here,” she giggled and ran straight up to the couple. </p>
<p>“Right here?” Jamie asked and leaned down to tickle Flora. The girl screamed out and tried to escape Jamie’s clutches, but it didn’t work until she could barely breathe from laughing. “And I suppose the two of you helped mum scheme this, huh?”</p>
<p>“I did, Miles wasn’t much of a help,” Flora said. “Yesterday, I told Dani ‘you know what Jamie would like for Christmas?’ and she said, ‘what?’, and I said ‘a ring’. So we went into a ring shop and we helped her pick one out.”</p>
<p>Jamie examined the ring now on her left hand ring finger. “I’d say you have good taste then.”</p>
<p>“I think so,” Flora continued. “The rest was Dani. Miles found the plant, but she decided to put the ring in it and have us leave it out here when you came out.”</p>
<p>“I have a question,” Jamie said. She glanced at the kids, but ended up looking at Dani. “How did you know I was going to want to go for a walk?”</p>
<p>“Easy,” Dani shrugged. “You’re you. You’re a good sport for these kinds of parties, but everyone knows it’s not your cup of tea.”</p>
<p>Jamie nodded, “You’ve got me figured out, Blue Eyes.” She kissed Dani again which elicited a gagging sound from Miles and another giggle from Flora. “We should probably get back in and kick them all out.”</p>
<p>“We can’t do that,” Flora cried. “It’s much too early, it would be bad manners. That’s what Mrs. Grose used to tell me.”</p>
<p>“Can you imagine the ragers she’ll throw in high school?” Jamie asked. Dani laughed and shook her head.</p>
<p>“What’s a rager?” Miles asked</p>
<p>Dani raised her eyebrows at Jamie. “Yeah, mom. What’s a rager?”</p>
<p>Jamie’s face went a bit red. She managed to get herself into these corners during conversations with the kids all the time. “It’s what kids do when they break the rules.”</p>
<p>The four began to climb the front steps to the house. Jamie held the pot in her hand, cradled against her waist. Flora’s hand rested on the doorknob, but she turned back before she opened the door. </p>
<p>“Can I put something on my Christmas list?” She asked.</p>
<p>“Sure, you can, but I don’t know if Santa can make it happen on such short notice,” Dani said. Neither of the kids still believed in Santa but it was fun to include him, if only in spirit.</p>
<p>Flora tilted her head and flashed a humorous smile. “Not for this year, silly. It wouldn’t be possible.”</p>
<p>“Spit it out, little miss,” Jamie said. “It’s getting cold.”</p>
<p>“I want a baby sister,” Flora stated. “I’m tired of being the youngest.”</p>
<p>Jamie’s eyebrows raised, “A baby sister, huh?” She looked at Dani who, with round eyes and an open mouth, looked panicked trying to find an answer. “Not sure about that one. Storks are a bit hard to come by these days.”</p>
<p>“Just think about it. I imagine you’ll soon see it’s a perfectly splendid idea,” Flora said and then skipped back in the house.</p>
<p>Dani hung back on the front porch and watched Flora from afar. That was the first time she’d heard Flora say those words without a pushback from the Lady. It felt freeing to hear them now. It felt even more freeing to remember that her whole body was hers again.</p>
<p>“You coming?” Jamie called from inside. She had the door propped with one hand waiting for Dani. The other woman hurried in and closed the door behind her. As they hung up their coats, Jamie let her ring catch the light for Dani to see and then winked.</p>
<p>“Oh, thank God,” Owen said dramatically. “I was about to send a search party. Your drinks are getting lonely.” He pushed two crystal glasses into their hands and, in doing so noticed the ring on Jamie’s finger. A genuine smile spread across his face.</p>
<p>Jamie was suddenly a bit uncomfortable with the attention on her, even if it was Owen. She blushed and glanced at Dani for help. Dani took pity and jumped in, “She was busy being proposed to.”</p>
<p>“I think we should all drink to that. Don’t move.” He rushed to the counter and grabbed his drink then returned shortly. When he was back, he raised his cup for a toast just the three of them. “To Jamie and Dani.”</p>
<p>All three clinked glasses and then all three took a sip.<br/>
When Jamie finally shut the door behind the final guests of the night, she groaned so loudly Dani scolded her for possibly waking up the kids. It was late and Flora and Miles had long since been in bed. The other parents trickled out slowly with their kids leaving only a few people behind, but at that point of the night any were too many for Jaime.</p>
<p>“The worst part is, we have to clean this up by the morning,” Jamie complained. She kicked her shoes off and rubbed one of her heels.</p>
<p>Owen set his hands on his hips and surveyed the place. “It shouldn’t take too long. Mainly just putting food away and picking up trash.” He turned and looked at the cabinets behind him “Where do you keep your trash bags?”</p>
<p>“Under the sink,” Dani called. </p>
<p>Owen was right, it only took them about thirty minutes to get the place presentable again and another thirty to lay out the presents under the tree. Then they all turned in for the night, Owen to his guest bedroom, and Jamie and Dani to their own.</p>
<p>The two stood in their bathroom together wiping makeup from their faces. Jamie watched herself in the mirror, trying to control a smile every time she caught a sight of the ring. When her makeup was sufficiently removed, she threw the cotton swab away and grabbed her toothbrush.</p>
<p>“I didn’t expect that tonight,” Jamie said. “I guess there’s a lot of things I never really expected because I didn’t know if we would have time.”</p>
<p>“We should plan a trip,” Dani said. “I know we travelled around for a while, but this is different. Let’s plan a vacation. We’ll take the kids, but we’ll go to some kind of resort where we can dump them onto somebody else sometimes.”</p>
<p>Jamie laughed, “I say Mexico.”</p>
<p>“Mexico it is,” Dani confirmed.</p>
<p>Dani turned around to leave the bathroom, but Jamie grabbed her waist and pulled her back. She kissed the back of her ear. “I’ve got a question, Blue Eyes. Are we wives or are we fiances? At what point do I get to call you my wife?”</p>
<p>“I guess it depends, do you want to have a wedding?” Dani asked.</p>
<p>Jamie wrinkled her nose a bit. “It’s not exactly the direction I pictured my life going. Then again, you kind of took me by surprise from the get go.” The two walked together into the room and climbed into their respective sides of the bed. “What about you? You were, what, weeks away from getting married? Did you always have a dream wedding you wanted to have?”</p>
<p>“It was fun at times. Like the cake tasting. But, it never felt right.” Dani rested her head on the headboard. “I think with the right person, with you, it would be different. Besides, I don’t think Flora would ever forgive us if we passed this up.”</p>
<p>“Fine, we can have a wedding,” Jamie agreed. She draped her legs around Dani’s and scratched her cheek. “What do you think about Flora’s Christmas wish?”</p>
<p>Dani laughed and shook her head. “I’ll do a wedding for that girl, but a whole child?”</p>
<p>“Would you want to if it wasn’t for her?” Jamie’s eyes danced over the comforter as she thought about the question.</p>
<p>“I never really wanted more than two kids and we’ve already got two great ones.” She rubbed lotion into her face and then reached over to turn the light off on her bedside table. With her back turned to Jamie, she didn’t see the disappointment flash across her face.</p>
<p>Dani curled up against Jamie’s back and kissed her head. Jamie reached over and pulled Dani’s arm around her, lacing their fingers together. “We can have a party to celebrate, that’s all fine and dandy, but you’re still my wife. I don’t want to wait.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>CW: Drug use, child neglect</p><p>So it's technically not Friday anymore for pretty much everyone and I'm so sorry! I work retail and it's holiday season, so time got away from me today.</p><p>Thank you for your continued love and support! Hope you all enjoy this chapter :) xx</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It turned out Jamie had a lot more opinions for a wedding than anyone expected– including herself. She insisted on having the wedding in the early fall for peak moonflower season. She spent all spring and summer tending to a moonflower plant along the back of their yard, where the ceremony and after party would be held. She also refused to hire out for the bouquets or centerpieces (“I don’t trust anyone in this damn place”, she said). Flora was vocal about her opinions, too, and Jamie and Dani let her have some say in the planning, within reason. The girl got to help pick out accent colors and her flower girl dress. Jamie even enlisted her help with the arrangements.</p><p>Though it was a small wedding, some people were still travelling in from other places and they all showed up a few days before the ceremony. Owen slipped easily back into his spot in the guest room and as a key member of the family. The more time went on, the more Owen came out for visits. He missed the four of them and had a hard time staying away, but he also wouldn’t leave his restaurant in Paris for anything.</p><p>Jamie labored over the decision to invite her brothers. They weren’t the closest siblings, especially being separated so young, but they had made an effort to reconnect in their early 20s. A few times a year they would call each other and awkwardly pass around small talk. Still, Denny had invited Jamie to his wedding and she went so, in the end, she sent them invitations and they both confirmed their attendance shortly after. She sat with them now, catching up a bit over some drinks.</p><p>“Dad says hi,” Denny said. He was a big man, tall with dark features. He didn’t particularly resemble Jamie, not enough that you would realize they were siblings on the street. The one on Jamie’s other side, Mikey, looked like a carbon copy of her despite the fact they didn’t even share the same father. He was wearing a short sleeve shirt and his entire right arm all the way up to his neck and part of his lower cheek were covered in burn scars.</p><p>Jamie let out a humorous scoff. “No he didn’t, fuckface.” She took a drag of her cigarette.</p><p>Denny took it from his sister and took his own drag while he laughed, too. “He actually said, ‘I’ll walk her down the aisle when it’s a man waiting for her and until then she’s a whore just like her mother’.”</p><p>This was how they dealt with their father who had lung problems and anger issues after the trauma of working in the mines for so long. They laughed so that his words didn’t hurt so much. So Jamie laughed again. “Who said I’m having anyone walk me down the aisle?”</p><p>“That’s my sister,” Mikey cried and bumped her arm with her fist. “Now stop hogging that damn cig, you two.”</p><p>After a bit, Jamie excused herself and meandered through the backyard to Owen and Dani. She set her hand on Dani’s lower back as she came up behind her wife. “Hey.”</p><p>“Owen says we got bad caterers,” Dani mused.</p><p>“Now, that is not what I said,” Owen responded. “I said I don’t trust caterers that don’t make batter puns while doing cake tastings. Unprofessional, if you ask me.”</p><p>Jamie sighed and shook her head, “I tried to tell her, Owen, I did. Said, ‘get Owen on the phone and let him sort them out’.”</p><p>Owen pointed at Jaime, “Now, that is the kind of rational thinking I was looking for.”</p><p>“Do you mind if I steal her away for a moment?” Jamie asked. Owen waved them on and found Ellie on the other side of the yard. Just the two of them, Jamie led Dani over to the wall of moonflowers.</p><p>Dani smiled and took in the winding leaves. “No matter how many times I look at this, I can’t help but think you did an amazing job.” After an elongated silence from her wife, Dani turned to look at Jamie, concerned.</p><p>“Uh, look,” Jamie started. She stumbled over her words, anxious. Finally, she took a sharp breath and rushed out her words. “Remember Flora’s little Christmas wish from last year?”</p><p>The topic soothed Dani and she snickered, “Oh, yeah, that. She’s ridiculous.”</p><p>Jamie took a deep breath. Even more anxious energy exuded from her. “I want to talk about that again. Not because Flora asked, but because I am.”</p><p>“Oh,” Dani’s face dropped from humorous to serious. “I had no idea, I–.”</p><p>“Mums?” Miles interrupted, before Dani could continue. He stopped in the grass in front of them and pointed a thumb over his shoulder. “Someone named Louise is here. She’s in the living room.”</p><p>“Oh, bloody hell,” Jamie cried. She set her jaw and stomped through the backyard straight up to her brothers. “Which one of you shites told her?” Both stared blankly back at her. “Fucking cowards.” Then, she continued her angry trek to the sliding glass doors.</p><p>Dani ran through the yard. “Jamie, hold up.”</p><p>When Dani finally caught up to Jamie, her wife stood before a short woman in her late forties, early fifties. The woman had long dark brown hair lightly peppered with grey streaks and a blue dress covered by a white cardigan. At the sight of Jamie, she smiled and her eyes crinkled. “Oh, Jamie. It’s so good to see you.”</p><p>“What the hell do you think you’re doing here?” Jamie yelled. It sent the smile straight off her mother’s face. “I told you years ago, I wasn’t interested in having you back in my life. So, what, you think my wedding is a good time to decide you deserve a place at the table? You’re so selfish, just like before.”</p><p>Her mom stepped closer to Jamie, but Jamie raised her hands up and took two more steps back. It made her mom look defeated, but Jamie couldn’t care less. “Listen, I made a mistake, I was young.”</p><p>Jamie shook her head. “You don’t get to make that excuse. You were too young to raise kids? What about me, mum? I was more of a kid than you and I was left behind to raise Mikey. Or did you forget, huh? I’m sure they told you when they took your rights away.”</p><p>Louise pressed her eyes closed and crinkled her lips as if she was feeling nauseous. “Please, Jamie. I don’t like thinking about that.”</p><p>“Well, I have to think about it every day, don’t I? Every time I look in the mirror or shower.” She maneuvered her arm from the top of her dress, disregarding the now visible bra, and spun around so her mother could see the burn scar across her shoulder. “Does this jog your memory? Or should I bring Mikey in here?”</p><p>“Jamie–,” Dani started.</p><p>Jamie refused to look back at her. “Lay off, Dani. I want to hear her say it.”</p><p>Dani left her position in the door and stood behind her wife. “Is this really necessary?”</p><p>“Yeah, actually. It is,” Jamie finally whipped her head around to look at Dani. Her stern eyebrows and tight jaw threw Dani off– she’d never seen Jamie like that. “This wasn’t some little mistake. Mikey almost died. I was in the hospital for weeks. She’s never taken responsibility for the consequences of her actions and yet still thinks she can waltz back in here like nothing happened. So, either butt out and shut up or go back outside.”</p><p>Jamie’s words made Dani stumble back a bit. She didn’t know what to say or do, but she was frozen there in shock. Louise’s eyes pressed closed. “There was a fire.”</p><p>“That’s right. What happened?” Jamie pushed.</p><p>Louise shook her head. “I don’t really know the specifics–.”</p><p>“Sure you don’t,” Jamie scoffed. A darkness passed over her face as she recalled. “I was hungry. All that was left in the house was spaghetti noodles. No sauce, no butter, not even any olive oil. Put a pot on the stove to boil water. Mikey started crying, the water boiled over. So I set him up on the counter to clean it up, but I forgot to turn the burner off. Went to get another towel and when I came back, the stove top had gone up in flames. He’d picked up the dirty towel and dropped it on the gas flame. He was already burnt so badly and when I went in to grab him, I got burned as well.”</p><p>“I’m so sorry,” Louise whispered.</p><p>“Why was I, a seven year old, doing that myself?” Jamie pressed further. </p><p>Louise whimpered a bit as she answered. “Because I left you.”</p><p>“That’s right, mum,” Jamie said. She put her arm back in her shirt and pulled the sleeve over her shoulder. “You left so you don’t get to decide when you can come back into my life. Now get out of our house.”</p><p>The older woman paused for a moment and then slowly exited. Before she closed the door behind her, she looked over her shoulder one last time. Jamie only stood there, glaring at her mom, with her arms crossed until the door finally shut.</p><p>“Jamie, I’m so sorry,” Dani cried.</p><p>Jamie brushed past her wife and back to the backyard. As she walked by Dani, she hissed, “Save it.”</p><p>Overwhelmed, Dani hovered in the kitchen a bit, wiping down the countertops and picking up some trash. After a couple of minutes, she returned to the yard and chatted with Ellie and Owen a bit. Shortly after Ellie and a few others decided to call it a night, Jamie called over from the table where she sat with her brothers.</p><p>“Oi, Dani,” she called. It was clear that, in the past hour, Jamie had hit the beers kind of hard. Dani turned around with raised eyebrows at the disrespectful demand of her attention. Jamie gestured to her siblings. “We’re gonna go to the pub and get a couple more pints. You got everything under control here, yeah?”</p><p>Before Dani could even respond, Jamie, Mikey, and Denny all stood up and left through the side entrance. “Okay,” Dani said, under her breath. “Guess I’ll just clean up and get the kids to bed by myself.”</p><p>“I’m happy to help,” Owen answered. He rolled up his sleeves and got to work gathering plates and cups.</p><p>Dani thought Jamie would come home after a few hours out. When ten o’clock hit, she told herself that Jamie didn’t see her brothers often and they deserved a little time together. At eleven, she started worrying that something bad happened. At midnight, she realized that Jamie was probably fine, just partying late into the night. It wasn’t something that happened often so even though Dani felt sure some of it was out of pettiness, she went to bed only mildly frustrated. At two in the morning, she was jolted awake by the sound of something shattering.</p><p>For a moment, Dani started to panic. She wondered if someone was breaking into the house, but it didn’t quite sound like that. It wasn’t glass that broke. It sounded heavier, more like something ceramic– probably a dish. Owen wouldn’t walk into a kitchen that wasn’t his own for a midnight snack no matter how comfortable he was there and the kids had dedicated snacks for midnight hunger. None of those snacks required plates or cups. It had to be Jamie, drunk off her ass, and wanting some food.</p><p>She was right. There, in the kitchen, Jamie was sweeping up shards of a broken plate. “Fuck,” Jamie whispered when she caught sight of Dani. “You heard that?”</p><p>Dani crossed her arms, “Kind of hard to miss.” </p><p>“I remembered Owen made food.” </p><p>Jamie’s movements were exaggerated and over the top. It was as if, instead of talking with her hands, she was talking with her entire body. It wasn’t typical of someone after a night of drinking. No drowsiness clouded her words, nor were they slurred. Her movements, while choppy, weren’t entirely uncoordinated. She didn’t seem to have a hard time walking. It was the way she was smiling, though, that tipped Dani off the most. She took the broom out of Jamie’s hands and tried to look into her eyes.</p><p>“What are you doing?” Jamie cried. She tried to duck away, but Dani just grabbed her arm and pulled her back. She still avoided eye contact, but that didn’t matter because Dani found her answer.</p><p>Behind them, two pairs of feet padded down the stairs. “Is everything okay?” Miles asked. He was standing a couple stairs higher than Flora, both of them groggy with sleep. Jamie turned her back to the children as Dani turned to face them.</p><p>“Just go back to bed,” Dani said. Neither one moved as they surveyed the scene. She plastered a smile on her face. “Everything’s fine, don’t worry. Go back to bed.” They were hesitant, but both were tired and didn’t need much more urging to go and sleep. </p><p>Once the sound of their bedroom doors closing echoed down the stairs, Jamie tried to open the fridge from where she stood a few feet to its left. “I just need a snack and then I’ll be good.”</p><p>Dani pushed the door back closed. “Are you high?” She asked, but she already knew the answer.</p><p>“What?” Jamie cried, feigning offense. “I’m not high.”</p><p>“I can see it in your eyes,” Dani stated. “What are you on?”</p><p>Jamie leaned up close to Dani’s face, staring her down, “I’m not high.” Her voice raised in volume and was incredibly harsh, but Dani was not phased. Knowing the game was up, Jamie threw her fist behind her and slammed it into the cupboard.</p><p>“Jesus, Jamie, you’re going to wake the kids up again,” Dani snapped. She looked over her shoulder at the stairs. When she was sufficiently convinced they were in the clear, she returned her focus to Jamie. “What are you on?”</p><p>Jamie brushed the front of her hair over the top of her head and sighed. “Coke. Mikey had some–.”</p><p>“I don’t care,” Dani cut her off. She ran her hands over her face. “I know it was hard having your mom show up like that today. I know I wasn’t being supportive and I’m really sorry. So, I’ll give you a pass. But, just this one time.”</p><p>“I’m sorry, Dani. It really isn’t a big deal, though.” Jamie tried to step closer to Dani, but she shook her head and Jamie stopped in her tracks.</p><p>“No, it is. It is a big deal and deep down you know that.” Dani leaned against the island counter and stared at the ground, still dumbfounded. When Jamie had told her a year before about her history with cocaine, she sounded so sure that it was all in her past. It scared Dani how it could so easily become her present again. “You can’t go down this path.”</p><p>“It was one time,” Jamie cried.</p><p>“I have no way of knowing that,” Dani snapped back. “You have two amazing kids upstairs who love you and who have already experienced so much pain. Don’t they deserve a stable home? Don’t they deserve more than what we had at their age? And what about you, Jaime? What about us? I don’t want to spend our relationship wondering if I’m going to find you in the bathroom or get a call from an EMT that you overdosed. We got rid of one Lady in the Lake already, we don’t need another one.”</p><p>Whether or not Jamie’s one time relapse of cocaine was going to worsen, or even happen again, Dani was right. They had no way of knowing and it wasn’t worth the gamble to stay quiet now in hopes it would just disappear. And Jaime, in her adamance that it wouldn’t happen again, had not thought about it in the way Dani described. When she compared it to the Lady, Jaime’s composure faltered. Tears slipped down her face. </p><p>“I’m sorry,” she whispered.</p><p>“Sit down over there while I clean this up and get you a snack,” Dani said. Anger stirred inside her, but she knew that right now, she was fighting for Jamie. Her reaction was going to either strengthen Jamie’s trust in her or push her further away. Jamie was hurting and somewhere, somehow, it felt easiest for her to convey it to Dani by getting high. She needed a few hard truths, but mostly just compassion.</p><p>With some of the leftovers from the party in the microwave, Dani quietly began to sweep up what was left of the broken plate and dump it into the trash. She sat next to Jamie as she ate, processing the whole night. After a bit, Jaime started to come down so Dani took her up to bed and the two fell asleep next to each other.</p><p>~~~~~</p><p>The next day, Jamie slept until noon so Dani, Flora, Miles, and Owen began the wedding preparations by themselves. While Owen made breakfast and coffee, he took advantage of the few quiet moments before the kids barged downstairs to eat.</p><p>“You okay?” Owen asked Dani. His eyes conveyed understanding and Dani remembered the guest bedroom was just off the kitchen. He probably heard everything the night before. She nodded, though not convincingly. “How’s Jaime?”</p><p>“Still asleep. I’m still shocked,” Dani said. </p><p>“You know, she told me a bit about her history once,” Owen started. “Not a lot, by any means, but enough that I could see she’s got a will about her. She’s not gonna go easy and with you by her side, I think she’s got a good chance of letting it be a blip.”</p><p>Dani gave him a grateful smile, but Miles and Flora came into the kitchen arguing loudly, so she picked up a platter of food and brought it to the table. They asked about Jamie and Dani promised she would be awake soon.</p><p>At noon, Owen was busy organizing with the caterers and Dani watched Miles and Flora set out chairs in the backyard from the window of the bathroom in her and Jamie's room. She had just gotten out of the shower and was applying lotion to her legs when Jamie walked in.</p><p>Jamie sat on the lip of the bath and scratched her nose. “Good morning,” she started. It was an awkward greeting and she winced a bit at herself. Dani continued in silence, trying to figure out what to say.</p><p>Finally, Dani put the lotion away and picked up some shorts, but she didn’t put them on. “How are you feeling?”</p><p>“Like I was completely plastered last night,” Jamie said. She snuck a peak at Dani to see if her joke lightened the mood, but Dani’s only response was to press her lips together. Jokes weren’t going to get her out of this one. “I messed up last night. Big time.”</p><p>Dani stepped into the shorts and sat down next to Jamie on the edge of the tub. “Why didn’t you just talk to me about it?”</p><p>“I don’t– I don’t know,” Jamie shook her head.</p><p>“What do you need me to do so you feel like you can come to me next time?” Dani asked.</p><p>“This isn’t your fault, Dani,” Jamie said. “It’s on me. I knew better than to use that as a coping mechanism. I just have to be better about checking myself, is all.”</p><p>Dani set her hand on Jamie’s and it made her wife look over hopefully. “You’re not in this alone. I know I can’t fix this, but I can help you so it feels a little easier for you to make a different choice. Just tell me what you need.”</p><p>Jamie rested her open palm on Dani’s cheek and ran her thumb over her smooth skin. “I’ll think about it and get back to you, yeah?” She stood up, saying she was going to get clean clothes. Before she could leave, Dani called her name and she paused in the doorway. “Yeah, Blue Eyes?”</p><p>“You’re worth the effort, too,” Dani said. It made Jamie turn all the way around. The way her eyes widened and her face softened, Dani could tell that no one had ever said that to Jamie before. So, she stood up and pulled her in for a long hug, kissing her forehead as she went. “I love you.”</p><p>“We still getting married tomorrow, or–,” Jamie stopped and laughed, hoping Dani would laugh too and she did. She pulled her even closer to her chest. “There’s that laugh. I’m sorry I ever made it go into hiding.”</p><p>The two figured that since they had considered themselves married for nine months at that point, the whole ‘it’s bad luck to see the bride before the wedding’ thing didn’t apply to them as much so they slept in the same bed. Owen surprised them with breakfast the next morning and left the tray in the hallway. </p><p>An hour later, as the two made their way from the bedroom still in their pajamas, Flora rushed down the hallway and wrapped her arms around Jamie’s waist, almost causing her to tip over with the tray in her hand. “Careful,” Jamie cried.</p><p>“She’s just excited for the big day, as am I,” Miles said. The two had always been very sweet people, but ever since they slipped into the casual relationship family members usually have with each other, a bit more angst and unruliness surfaced. It wasn’t often that the two were this sweet anymore so Dani narrowed her eyes a bit at them.</p><p>“What do you two have up your sleeves?” She asked.</p><p>Flora grabbed one of Dani’s arms and one of Jamie’s arms. “You must come to my room,” she insisted.</p><p>As she yanked on Jamie’s arm, the tray slipped a bit until Dani caught it with her free hand. “Flora, what did I just say?” Jamie snapped. But, the young girl was already running off to her room so Jamie set the tray down on the ground and followed. </p><p>Flora picked something up off the window seat and brought it over to Dani and Jamie. “What’s this?” Dani asked.</p><p>It was a store-bought card to congratulate a wedding, except the front depicted the silhouette of two women in white dresses holding hands and a bouquet of flowers each. Dani flipped it over and, sure enough, there was an official logo on it representing one of the biggest card making companies. Jamie reached over and touched it, as if she couldn’t believe it wasn’t handmade.</p><p>“How’d you get that?” Jamie asked, in awe.</p><p>“It was all Flora,” Miles said, nudging his sister. “Tell them.”</p><p>She blushed a bit and dipped her head. “Remember when Owen came over Valentine’s Day?” Both Dani and Jamie nodded. Owen asked if he could come out then. Understandably, Valentine’s Day was a hard day for him and he didn’t want to be alone. The two happily said yes and took it as an opportunity to take a weekend trip. “Well, he took us to the store to get presents and I was looking at the cards to try to find you one, but there weren’t any for two women, you see. I got very cross and Owen said, that much anger deserves to be heard. So I wrote down every card company on the shelves and sent them all letters.”</p><p>“All of them?” Jamie asked. “Blimey, how many did you send?”</p><p>“At least twenty,” Miles said. “I licked all the envelopes and got a bunch of paper cuts on my tongue.”</p><p>Jamie looked at Dani, both had tears welling in their eyes, both smiling.</p><p>“One of them wrote back and asked if I had any suggestions, so I told them what I wanted to give you for your wedding and then they sent me this shortly after,” Flora touched the corner of the card.</p><p>Dani leaned down until she was eye level with the girl. “Is this who your mysterious pen pal all summer was?” Flora let out a mischievous grin and nodded.</p><p>“Open it, silly,” Flora insisted.</p><p>So, Dani stood back up and held the card between the two of them. She flipped it open. There was a beautiful drawing of a moonflower printed in the center and the typed out cursive lettering read, ‘Love is love and you two make it look easy. Congratulations on your Happily Ever After’. Around it, was a handwritten note and Dani read it aloud.</p><p>“‘We’re so lucky to be your children, if only in love. Every day, you show us how to be good people and how to love others. It doesn’t matter what others think, you are married. We all know it and that’s what matters. Lots of love, Miles and Flora’.” Dani’s breath caught in her throat.</p><p>“I know it’s in her handwriting, but it’s better than mine. We came up with it together, though,” Miles said. Then, he looked back at his sister. “You didn’t even tell them the best part. Go on.”</p><p>Again, Flora blushed a bit. “They’re going to sell them, too. Starting in November, I think. There’s going to be a whole bunch of kinds. Like for Valentine’s Day.”</p><p>Jamie giggled a bit through her tears, the kind of giggle that bursts from pure joy. “You, little miss, have such a good heart. And you, Miles, are so kind to encourage your sister and help her follow her heart. Come here, you too.” She pulled both close at the same time and, when she let them go, Dani gave both a hug as well.</p><p>“This,” Dani held up the card, “was the best present anyone could ever give us.”</p><p>“Are you going to put it on the mantle with the other important things?” Flora asked. The mantle in the living room was where they kept family pictures (including ones of Charlotte, Dominic, and Hannah) and a few knick knacks.</p><p>“Right in the center,” Jamie nodded.</p><p>The two women let the tray stay in the hall and quietly tucked themselves back in their room where they examined the card again. Jamie tilted Dani’s head closer to her and kissed her temple.</p><p>“Those kids,” Dani shook her head. “Wow, they’re amazing. How do they still have so much love to give after everything they’ve lost?”</p><p>“They’ve got you to show them how to do it, Blue Eyes. That’s all they need,” Jamie said.</p><p>Dani let her body fall against Jamie’s and Jamie wrapped her arms around her. “Not true, they need you, too. She didn’t get that fire from me, you know. That one’s all you, telling her to punch bullies.”</p><p>Jamie laughed, “I stand by that advice.”</p><p>“Maybe another one wouldn’t be so bad,” Dani said. And then she clarified, “Maybe.”</p>
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<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter makes my heart so warm. I hope you all love it as much as I do, xx</p>
<p>Posting schedule: Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The ceremony was held that night, after the sun had completely set so that some of the moonflowers would bloom. Jamie obsessed with the flower arrangements and bouquets until she absolutely had to start getting ready. Both women brought someone in to do their hair and makeup and the woman helping Jamie had to basically beg her to step away. Even when Jamie finally did, she couldn’t stop thinking about which ones needed to be fixed. At some point, Ellie– who was bouncing around between both brides– got so frustrated hearing about it she brought Jamie the bouquets to work on while the finishing touches were put on.</p>
<p>Dani, on the other hand, was so worried about getting cold feet after what happened with the last wedding she had planned that she almost talked herself into it. Ellie had to remind her that she and Jamie were already wives so it was a bit late for cold feet. That just made Dani panic more, though, so she brought her a bottle of champagne instead and the bride calmed down.</p>
<p>Arguably the person most freaking out was Owen. No matter how much he had begged, Dani and Jamie would not let him cater the wedding. They wanted him to be present for the ceremony, not running around finalizing things and getting everything out. Besides, trying to prepare all of it would be difficult in a non-commercial kitchen. None of that stopped him from micromanaging the catering staff, though. He even went as far as to add salt to some things and remove garnishes from others.</p>
<p>The nervous energy from all three came to a head as Owen took his seat up front and the brides waited on their respective sides of the house– Dani at the side door and Jamie in the sun-room-turned-greenhouse with a door to the backyard. An aisle was defined for each of them with carefully strewn rose petals that led all the way up to the wall of moonflowers where Ellie was waiting to officiate the wedding. There was no way to be a maid-of-honor for the two of them so they all mutually decided she was the best person to officiate.</p>
<p>Once the first of the moonflowers started to bloom, Ellie sent Miles and Flora to start walking out the brides. Miles was to be with Jamie and Flora was to be with Dani. The music started and so did the brides’ walks to the altar. As they each came around the corner for the first time, their eyes searched out their other half eagerly.</p>
<p>Jamie stepped out in a white satin gown with thin straps and a square, open back that dipped all the way down to her hips. The skirt was wide and trailed behind her some as she walked. Her dark curls were pulled into a loose, yet still elegant, bun at the nape of her neck with a moonflower pinned to its side and diamond earrings dangled from her ears. The bouquet she had in hand was an assortment filled with white lilies and pink chrysanthemums.</p>
<p>Dani’s dress was just as simple, but in her own style. It was a short-sleeved dress with a deep v-neck that dipped all the way to the top of an empire waist, marked by a belt with a collection of little crystals. The skirt was a plain white that fell straight down to the ground while still hugging her in all the right places. Her blonde hair was beautifully curled and all of it pinned to one side with a hair piece covered by a moonflower. Her bouquet had the same white lilies as Jamie’s, but with pink roses– her favorite. Jamie refused to let her see the bouquet beforehand and, when Ellie had passed it on to her, Dani felt all of her anxiety flood away.</p>
<p>When the two met up front, Jamie was already crying (they had a bet which one would cry first and when they both agreed it was going to be Jamie, they had to call it off). “Poppins, you look beautiful,” she whispered so that only Dani and Ellie could hear.</p>
<p>As much as she knew Jamie would crack first, having her right there just made it so much more real for Dani and her own tears couldn’t be held at bay much longer. They had beaten so many odds to get to the altar. Jamie propped up Dani’s chin with one finger and kissed her.</p>
<p>“You’re supposed to wait for Ellie to tell us,” Dani laughed.</p>
<p>Jamie shot their friend a humorous glance, “Yeah, but we never do what Ellie says. Why start now?”</p>
<p>“Probably because I’m about to marry the two of you,” Ellie chimed in, finally. And then she started the ceremony. She spoke for a while and then instructed Dani to read her vows.</p>
<p>Dani took a folded piece of paper that she wrapped around the base of the bouquet, opened it with shaking hands and began to read. “When I first met Jamie, I was struggling with grief and guilt. She told me, ‘We leave more life behind to take our place’. So, I want to start by acknowledging some people who aren’t here today, but would be if they could. First, Hannah Grose. A loyal woman who was as selfless as a person could be. Second, Henry Wingrave. Because of his courage, I am alive today and marrying the love of my life. Third and fourth, Charlotte and Dominic Wingrave. I never met them, but I know they must have been amazing because everyday I get to witness how much life they left behind to take their place.</p>
<p>“And, Jamie, I think you got something wrong that night. It’s more than just the science of being organic. In life we create love, and it’s love that leaves life behind us. Your plants are alive because you pour love into them. In fact, you create so much love that they can grow in the most impossible of places. Sometimes I just sit and wonder, how did I get so lucky to be loved by someone who loves so incredibly hard, she can breathe life into anything she touches? Even me. You loved me so hard I was able to find the strength to come home to myself. Everyday, you show me who I could be, who I want to be. You show me that all anyone needs is just a little love. And I will spend the rest of my life nourishing you just as hard as you have me.”</p>
<p>By now, tears were just pouring down Jamie’s face, but Dani couldn’t say anything because she was crying almost as hard. Jamie pulled out her own vows. She stared at the paper in her hand and then laughed and wiped her eyes. “You’ve got me crying so hard I can’t even read my own handwriting.”</p>
<p>“Well, I don’t think you should blame it on the tears,” Dani said.</p>
<p>Jamie laughed and then got lost for a moment looking at Dani. She closed the paper back into her palm and, instead, talked directly to her wife. “You’re right, Dani. I was wrong about that. This whole time, I thought we started out as a ghost story. I brought in ghosts from before, you brought in ghosts from before, we found a few on our way to starting a life together. But it’s all the same isn’t it? Ghost stories and love stories. It’s all the same. There’s an immortality in mortality and that’s love. </p>
<p>“If I’m able to create love the way you say I do, it’s because you taught me I was worthy of connection. You’re a teacher, Poppins, and not because you used to lead a classroom. It doesn’t matter if there’s twenty-five kids or two or three. You make a difference just by being in the room. You hold a mirror up to someone and show them they aren’t the first thing they see in their reflection. Not emptiness, fear, loneliness, sadness, anger. You bring people back to who they actually are. I saw it with Miles and Flora. I feel it no matter how many times I show up lost, you bring me back. It’s because you’ve been brave enough and strong enough to stare down your own reflection. You say you came back to yourself because I poured in so much love. I say I can create love because you pushed me to see past who I thought I was. Maybe, we fit together so perfectly, the love we create together is our legacy and will be what we leave behind. You be your part of the puzzle piece and I’ll be mine and we can spend the rest of our lives filling each other up with enough love that we will leave so much life behind us.”</p>
<p>Dani looked at Ellie. “Can you get to the part where I can kiss her now?”</p>
<p>Everyone around them laughed and Ellie continued. “Jamie Taylor, do you take Danielle Clayton to be your wife, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, as long as you both shall live?”</p>
<p>“I do,” Jamie said. She slid a small, diamond ring over Dani’s finger. </p>
<p>“Danielle Clayton, do you take Jamie Taylor to be your wife, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, as long as you both shall live?”</p>
<p>“I do,” Dani said, sliding Jamie’s ring in place.</p>
<p>Ellie clasped her hands in front of her. “Okay, now you can kiss.”</p>
<p>“Finally,” Jamie said. The two leaned into each other and kissed as if it was their first time kissing ever.</p>
<p>As the after party kicked off, being good hosts, Dani and Jamie bounced around to various guests. They both kept finding themselves staring across the yard at their wife, almost magnetized to each other by love alone. It was late and after a couple hours, Miles and Flora were ready to sleep– even if they wanted to stay up with everyone and have fun. The two kids were sitting at one of the tables desperately trying to keep their eyes open. Jamie and Dani noticed at the same time and met each other there. Dani slid her arm around Jaime’s waist, unable to avoid the feeling of the open back.</p>
<p>“Looks like someone’s getting tired,” Jamie said.</p>
<p>Flora forced herself to perk up. “I’m not tired. I’m ready to stay up all night with the adults.”</p>
<p>Dani raised her eyebrows, incredulous, but entertained. “That’s what you say now, but then you’re going to be grumpy all day tomorrow with Owen.”</p>
<p>“No, I won’t. I promise,” Flora begged.</p>
<p>“Yes, you will be,” Miles said. “You’re always so mean when you stay up late.”</p>
<p>Flora hit her fist against Miles and he cried out in pain. “Shut up, Miles. You’re being mean now.”</p>
<p>“Hey, hey, hey,” Jamie said. “That’s enough of that. Now, go to bed, both of you.”</p>
<p>Miles and Flora stood up and started to move toward the house. “Wait,” Dani said. They looked over their shoulders. “You’re not gonna give us hugs goodnight?” They came over and both of them hugged their parents. Jamie and Dani both plopped a kiss on their heads then sent them off.</p>
<p>“What are the odds they’ll still be grumpy?” Owen asked, coming up behind the brides.</p>
<p>“Very high,” Dani said. “Thank you again for watching them while we go to New Orleans.” </p>
<p>The couple was set to go south for their honeymoon, leaving early the following morning. Owen would be watching Miles and Flora for the week. Mrs. Clayton and Ellie both offered, but Dani and Jamie had never been away for a week and a half before. The idea of it had immediately set off anxiety in both children who remembered their own parents leaving for a vacation without them and never returning. No, it had to be Owen. </p>
<p>Jamie looked at her wife and nodded toward him. “Go on, Poppins. Give him his present.”</p>
<p>“Right,” Dani said. She produced a house key and held it up for Owen.</p>
<p>“Is that the key to your heart?” Owen joked. “Does Jamie know?”</p>
<p>Jamie laughed, “Sod off, mate. It’s a house key.”</p>
<p>Owen took it. “Oh, right. Didn’t want to forget that in the early morning hustle. I’ll set it on the counter before I leave.”</p>
<p>“Owen,” Jamie cried. “It’s yours.”</p>
<p>“We figure, you’re part of the family. A really important part, actually. You’ve lost a lot in your lifetime and we just want you to know you have a home to come to, always,” Dani said. “The guest room you’ve been staying in is yours. You can leave clothes, books, toiletries, whatever you want in there.”</p>
<p>Owen held up the key and then dropped it into his pocket. “Thank you.”</p>
<p>“Maybe we can finally convince you to open a second restaurant on this side of the pond,” Jamie said.</p>
<p>“Thinking about opening a private place, actually,” Owen started. “I’ll call it Perfectea Splendid and I have the perfect kitchen in mind for it.”</p>
<p>~~~~</p>
<p>Five days into their ten day honeymoon to New Orleans, Jamie and Dani were enjoying a nice night in the Bed and-Breakfast suite. The bed had four bannisters made of deep cherry oak. Opposite the bed was a small sitting area in front of a fireplace filled with vintage-style furniture. The Bed and Breakfast was made of a few different buildings, each containing a handful of rooms, and the center garden between all of them had a large pool and a restaurant.</p>
<p>Dani sat in one of the chairs next to an open window reading. The chair next to her was currently filled with Jamie’s book sitting open to her bookmarked page, but Jamie was at the table refilling their wine glasses. The phone at the bedside rang into the quiet room.</p>
<p>“Oh, I’ll get it,” Jamie said. She left the wine glasses on the table and picked up the phone. “Hello? Hey, Owen. How are the kids?” Her face paled and she turned around to look at Dani. </p>
<p>“What happened?” Dani cried and stood from the chair. </p>
<p>“Flora’s in the hospital,” Jamie said. She paused to listen to Owen and then took a deep breath. “That’s it? She’s okay? It’s just a fractured wrist.” </p>
<p>Dani nodded and brushed her hair over the top of her head. “Oh, thank God.”</p>
<p>“Nothing else? No concussion or anything?” Jamie asked. She seemed content with the answer and then brought the receiver between the two of them. “Flora wants to talk to us.”</p>
<p>“Hi, honey,” Dani said. “How are you? How does your wrist feel?”</p>
<p>Flora sniffed on the other end. “It hurts a lot.”</p>
<p>“How did it happen?” Jamie asked. “Punch someone again?”</p>
<p>“No, I tried to do a handspring at recess and I fell,” Flora sighed.</p>
<p>Dani felt confused. “You've never done a handspring before.”</p>
<p>“Jenna made it look so easy and Carter thought it was cool. I was just trying to impress him,” Flora admitted. Jamie raised her eyebrows a bit in humorous understanding and Dani covered her mouth so the light chuckle wouldn’t make it through the receiver. “Can you come home early? I miss you dreadfully.”</p>
<p>“No, sweetheart,” Jamie said, gently. “But we’ll be home before you know it. I’m sure Owen is letting you do all kinds of things mum and I would never let you do, right?”</p>
<p>Flora hesitated, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”</p>
<p>“We love you, Flora,” Dani said. “Can we talk to Owen again?”</p>
<p>After a few seconds of jostling, Owen finally spoke through. “She’s alright, I promise. I’ll pack her full of so much ice cream it’ll do the job better than any ice pack.”</p>
<p>“Set up a dentist appointment for us, now, will you? The number should be on the fridge,” Jamie said. They all laughed together.</p>
<p>“Thank you for taking care of her,” Dani said. “Do you need anything? Do you need us to come back?”</p>
<p>“Absolutely not,” Owen stated. “You deserve this time.”</p>
<p>After saying goodbye, Dani laughed and collapsed backwards onto the bed. “Oh, no. I thought we had at least a few more years before she started having crushes.”</p>
<p>Jamie sat next to Dani, but perched herself up on her elbows. “You forget, we had crushes at the same age, we just pretended we didn’t.”</p>
<p>Dani stared up at her wife and pushed the back of her hand up against Jamie’s thigh. “How would you want to do it? If we were to have this third child.”</p>
<p>A smile hinted against Jamie’s lips and she looked up at the ceiling. “I never really fancied the idea of being pregnant, but I figure we adopted two incredible children. May as well take our shot at it again.”</p>
<p>Dani’s face descended into nervousness as she contemplated saying the thoughts in her mind. She took a breath as if she were about to speak, but thought better of it and remained silent. Jamie was used to this so she bumped her knee into Dani’s to urge her on. Finally, she pushed her thoughts out so fast she almost stumbled over her own words. “I always wanted to be pregnant.”</p>
<p>The two sat in silence, Dani waiting for Jamie’s reaction and Jamie processing before she rolled over on top of her wife. Her legs straddled over Dani’s hips. “Is that a yes, Poppins?”</p>
<p>Dani nodded, “Yeah, it is. Let’s do it.”</p>
<p>A few weeks later, as Jamie was ringing up a customer, Dani came back with lunch in one hand and a shopping bag in the other. She nodded to the customer as they left the shop and joined Jamie behind the counter.</p>
<p>“There you are,” Jamie said and grabbed her salad. “I’m so hungry, I was about to go mental on that poor customer. What’s in the bag?” She eagerly stabbed the lettuce with her fork and dug in.</p>
<p>“A book,” Dani said. She pulled it out and held it up for Jamie to see. It was a how-to book for at-home insemination. The fork hovered in the air as Jamie looked it over. She smiled and kept eating. Between customers and tasks, they would crowd behind the counter and pour over it together.</p>
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<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 15</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>More Damie fluff!</p>
<p>Thank you all again, for reading! xx</p>
<p>Posting Schedule: Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There was some kind of plant conference at the end of November. Jamie had been talking about it for months so she flew off to Oregon for almost two weeks to attend it. Her days were busy out there, Dani was sure, because she was up until midnight every night waiting for a call from Jamie (though it was only nine o’clock at night in Oregon). Each call, Dani could barely get a few words in over Jamie’s excited retelling of everything she had learned or experienced that day. She didn’t mind. Jamie rarely got this excited over things and she deserved it.</p>
<p>The Friday that Jamie returned home, Dani couldn’t will the time to go by fast enough. Even though the flight landed at noon, Jamie was going to go home and probably sleep until Dani closed the shop and picked the kids up. But, at three, the store’s doorbell jingled and Jamie sauntered into the store.</p>
<p>“Jamie,” Dani cried. She dropped the bag of soil onto the ground and rushed to hug her wife. “I thought you weren’t going to come into the store today.”</p>
<p>Jamie perched herself up against the counter. “I wasn’t, but I got home, took a shower, tried to nap. I thought about how tired you must be waiting up until midnight to talk to me everyday and figured the least I could do was come distract you at work.”</p>
<p>“Well, I’m really happy to see you.” Dani picked up the soil bag again. “I missed you.”</p>
<p>“Missed you, too, Poppins,” Jamie smiled. “How have the kids been?”</p>
<p>Dani laughed, “Oh, you know. They’ve been Miles and Flora. Can you help me?” Jamie grabbed a side of the bag and helped Dani hoist it onto a shelf. “Miles got a C on a math test so I told him no video games until you get back and we decide how to handle that. It looks like Flora can officially get her cast taken off, but she didn’t want to do it without you so we scheduled it for next Tuesday.”</p>
<p>“Right, right,” Jamie nodded. She grabbed Dani by the waist and made her turn around so she couldn’t keep working. “Thank you. For holding down the fort. It meant a lot to me.”</p>
<p>“Actually,” Dani bit her lip. “I’m glad you came here because I have something for you. Stay here.” She kissed Jamie, just a small one, and then went around the counter. She leaned down and when she reappeared she placed something, delicately, on the countertop.</p>
<p>Jamie’s eyebrows pressed together and she stepped closer to the counter. Her fingers just brushed over it. “Is that a moonflower?”</p>
<p>Dani nodded. “Yeah, I plucked it from the night of our wedding and dried it.”</p>
<p>“You’re a romantic, you know that?” Jamie said. But, Dani’s face wasn’t laughing. She was serious, nervous. Jamie went silent.</p>
<p>“I’ve got a problem,” Dani said. She couldn’t contain it much longer and a small smile pushed against her lips. “Or, rather, we’ve got a problem.”</p>
<p>Jamie nodded, laughing now, remembering the script Dani was pulling from. “Oh, no.”</p>
<p>“I,” Dani sighed and looked into Jamie’s eyes, her own tearfilled. “I’m pregnant.”</p>
<p>It had happened on their first try, they were lucky for it. Some took much longer and even they thought it wouldn’t happen this fast. The breath escaped Jamie’s lungs and she beat back tears. Dani didn’t know why she had been so nervous to tell her wife– maybe she was so excited it felt like nervous energy. Joy filled her as the words tumbled out for the first time.</p>
<p>“You sure?” Jamie asked.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Dani sniffed and nodded profusely. “Yeah, I’m sure. I’ve been sick almost every morning so I went to the doctor for blood work and she confirmed it.”</p>
<p>“And you let me stand there watching you carry a bag of soil for so long.” Jamie circled the counter and wrapped her arms around her wife. Dani laughed into her shoulder. They didn’t pull apart for a while. Finally, Jamie stepped back to wipe her face and slid her hand into Dani’s. “When are you due, do you know?”</p>
<p>Dani dropped her hip against the counter top. “I didn’t want to do any ultrasounds without you.” She squeezed Jamie’s hand. “The first one is on Monday.”</p>
<p>Jamie took a deep breath. “Okay, uh, you should probably sit down, right? I’ll finish up for the day.”</p>
<p>“Baby, I can work,” Dani cried. </p>
<p>“Of course, but,” she nodded at Dani’s stomach. “You’re already working, aren’t you?” Jamie brought the stool around and wouldn’t move until Dani sat down on it. She leaned her elbows on the counter and watched Jamie fall back into the pattern of the shop’s tasks, even after two weeks off.</p>
<p>Through the window, Ellie noticed Jamie so she stopped by for a few minutes to say hi. They didn’t share with her the news, no matter how badly they wanted to. Dani would send Jamie a look and she would receive a short shake of the head. The same exchange would pass again but with switched roles. It went on a few times and, thankfully, Ellie didn’t notice. When five o’clock finally rolled around and they closed up the store, the couple elected to leave Jamie’s car in the parking lot for the night and drive to pick up the kids together. During a typical week, they alternated who left the store early to get the kids from school, but since Jamie had been out of town, Mrs. Clayton took over and watched the kids at her house for a few hours.</p>
<p>On the way home, they stopped for Chinese food at Dani’s favorite restaurant. “It’s a night to celebrate,” Jamie said as Dani parked. She still wasn’t used to driving on the right side of the road and so the couple defaulted to Dani’s driving most of the time.</p>
<p>“What are we celebrating?” Miles asked.</p>
<p>Dani and Jamie shared a look, and Dani said, “Jamie coming home, of course.”</p>
<p>“So then why are we getting your favorite and not hers?” Flora asked. Dani inwardly groaned, that girl was very clever when she wanted to be.</p>
<p>“Well, my favorite is your mum and I’ve got her all night so I think I can make an exception,” Jamie quipped.</p>
<p>Dani put the car in park and sent a playful hit to Jamie’s arm. “Careful,” she whispered. The last thing either of them wanted was to field questions about what Jamie meant by that. Miles and Flora got distracted arguing over which chicken they were going to get, though, and they took it.</p>
<p>That night, once Flora and Miles were safely asleep, Jamie climbed into bed beside her wife. Dani was propped up against the headboard with a book open in front of her, which Jamie promptly took from her hands as she straddled the woman. She leaned in and kissed her wife. Dani returned it, hungry. It didn’t take long before Jamie’s shirt was on the ground, and then Dani’s shortly after.</p>
<p>When Dani surfaced from under the blankets, she collapsed beside Jamie, both catching their breath. “Wow,” she said. “Whoever said pregnant sex is great was right.”</p>
<p>“Oh, yeah?” Jamie rolled onto her side and stared at her wife. “How do you know it was the pregnancy hormones and not just me?” Dani rolled her eyes dramatically. The two descended into laughs and then made their way to the bathroom.</p>
<p>The first doctor’s appointment was better than either could have hoped it would go. Dani was excited, but, as always, anxiety nipped at the back of her mind. Some of it about the baby and some of it about the doctor’s reaction when she found the parents were two women. Jamie reminded her that they chose this doctor specifically because of her history working with gay women and Jamie was right. Dr. Lancaster was great. </p>
<p>Jamie held Dani’s hand as the picture was loaded onto the computer screen. As always, it only took a few moments for Jamie to be wiping tears from her eyes. When they had first met, Dani assumed Jamie was over exaggerating when she told her she watered the grounds of Bly with her tears. That certainly was not the case and had not been the case in the three years they had spent building their lives together.</p>
<p>Dr. Lancaster saw no cause for concern and sent them on their way with pamphlets, recommendations, and a copy of the photo. In the car, as Dani drove off, Jamie sat in her seat and stared at the photo. She couldn't seem to take her eyes off of it and it sent a warm feeling through Dani. She took one hand off the wheel and rubbed the back of Jamie’s neck.</p>
<p>“I love you,” Dani said. </p>
<p>Finally, Jamie looked up from the photo and pulled Dani’s hand around to kiss her knuckles. “I love you, too, Blue Eyes.” She picked up Dani’s purse. “We’ll need to hide this from the kids. Flora’s been digging around where she doesn’t belong, lately.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, we need to talk to her about that,” Dani said.</p>
<p>“In the meantime, I say we hide it in the vegetable drawer. She’ll never look there.” Jamie tucked it into Dani’s planner to keep it safe. “When do we tell them? End of the first trimester?”</p>
<p>“Oh, I was kind of thinking we could do it on Christmas,” she smiled. “Since that’s Flora’s big ask. I know it would be kind of early–.”</p>
<p>“No, let’s do it,” Jamie agreed.</p>
<p>So they went on the next month pretending as if they didn’t have this big, exciting thing waiting to escape. Dani’s morning sickness was there most every morning, but she quickly found ways to alleviate it to avoid raising suspicion among Miles and Flora. Her favorite perfume had to be moved to the back of the shelf. They stopped cooking fish and oranges were no longer packed in the kids’ lunches. One a bit trickier to cope with was the smell of lavender, but Dani needed to be able to work in the shop so Jamie took it out of the inventory without Dani even asking. Jamie made a lot of quiet adjustments so that Dani didn’t have to be any more uncomfortable than the morning sickness and the changes to her body already made her.</p>
<p>Owen came out early for Christmas. Apparently his restaurant was doing so well it was listed as one of Paris’s top ten of the year. That meant his foot traffic went up and thus he needed more employees. All that to mean, he was able to take a longer period of time off. It was his first time back since the wedding in mid September so he showed up with a bit more clothes than he needed with the intention of leaving some of it there at the end of the trip.</p>
<p>Dani, who closed the store on the day of Owen’s arrival, walked out of the garage and into the kitchen. “Owen, hi,” she cried and hung her purse on the hook by the door.</p>
<p>“There you are,” he said. He stood at the stove, apron on and towel over his shoulder, stirring a thick paste in a pot. “Jamie can vacuum down anything regardless of spice so I need you to help me decide what level the kids can handle. It’s a new curry recipe.”</p>
<p>The overwhelming smell of curry spices in the air settled around Dani and she felt a wave of nausea kick in. Owen brought a wooden spoonful of curry over to her for her to taste and the closer it got, the worse she felt. Dani clutched her stomach and tried to wave him off, but he didn’t understand her gesture, and it was too late anyway. She folded over and hurled across the hardwood floor.</p>
<p>“Well, you could have just said so,” Owen said. He was kidding, of course, and he dropped the spoon onto the island to grab a trash bag for her. </p>
<p>The sound brought Jamie running down the stairs. It was a familiar one and she knew what it meant by then. “Dani, you alright?”</p>
<p>She straightened up, wiped her mouth, and took the bag from Owen. “Yeah, I’m okay. I’m so sorry, Owen. It’s not you, I promise.”</p>
<p>“Don’t worry about me,” Owen said. “We’ll scratch this for tonight and I’ll make some soup. Tomato sound good?”</p>
<p>Jamie shook her head and rubbed her wife’s back. “Tomatoes will only make her worse. You’ve got a good chicken noodle soup recipe, yeah? That usually helps her.” She pushed her wife around the mess on the ground. “Go up stairs, Poppins, I’ll clean up here.”</p>
<p>On her way out, Miles and Flora joined to investigate the commotion. “Shoot. Come upstairs with me,” Dani called. She hoped she caught their attention fast enough that they wouldn’t get a chance to see the mess on the other side of the island counter. Miles was a sympathy puker and that’s not what they needed in that moment. The smell found him before he could even see it, though, and he made a similar mess in the doorway.</p>
<p>“Great,” Jamie muttered. “Flora, run on back to the den. We don’t need you joining in on the fun, too.”</p>
<p>She paled as well, though, and Dani prepared herself. “It’s on my foot.”</p>
<p>This time, Owen managed to maneuver a bag just in time and prevented another mess. He looked around the room as he handed the bag to the girl. “Chicken soup it is. My god, how do you ever get along without me?”</p>
<p>Jamie sighed and pulled her hair off her face. She was getting all too good at cleaning vomit up these days. “Right, Owen, do you mind taking them upstairs? I’ll clean this up.”</p>
<p>He pulled paper towels off the rack and used one to wipe up Flora’s foot then passed some around to each of the three. Dani gratefully took hers and wiped her face as she began to walk up the stairs. She heard Owen lead the kids into their rooms where they both admitted they were feeling fine they just wanted a bath. He shut the doors to their rooms and knocked on Dani’s.</p>
<p>“How are you feeling, Patient Zero?” He asked.</p>
<p>“Oh,” Dani looked over her shoulder. He caught her holding a box of saltines and a bottle of water. “Fine. I’m fine. It did look really good. Maybe you can make it again sometime.”</p>
<p>Owen nodded and made a show of looking at his watch. “How about in, uh, nine months? Give or take.”</p>
<p>It took Dani by surprise. She didn’t know why, another adult in the house would notice the things that the kids looked over. Even so, she hadn’t talked about the pregnancy with anyone but Jamie yet and it was a new feeling. A good feeling, but a new one. She smiled, awkwardly. “More like seven.”</p>
<p>“Come here,” Owen said and wrapped his arms around Dani. “I’m really happy for you two. I’m going to be the godfather, right?”</p>
<p>Dani laughed, “You’ve got my vote, but you’ll need to convince Jamie.”</p>
<p>Owen disappeared downstairs a few minutes later then retrieved Dani when the mess had been cleaned, the remnants of the curry taken care of, windows open, and a few Christmas candles lit. </p>
<p>Jamie met her at the bottom of the stairs with a kiss. “Feeling better?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, a lot better,” Dani said. “Thank you for cleaning up.”</p>
<p>“Of course,” Jamie said. She nodded at a waiting cup of ginger tea and Dani sat down in front of it. “The kids haven’t come back downstairs yet.”</p>
<p>Owen stopped chopping carrots. “How about Owen Jr. if it’s a boy?”</p>
<p>“How about you get back to chopping before I chop your tongue off?” Jamie said. Then, she lowered her voice. “They don’t know yet.” Owen nodded in understanding and kept at his work.</p>
<p>The next morning, Owen sat down with Dani and made a list of what foods she could eat and which ones she couldn’t. He planned the meals for the rest of his time there accordingly and met Dani with a cup of ginger tea in a thermos before she left every morning.</p>
<p>It was getting harder and harder to divert the questions of the children. Jamie didn’t like lying to them so Dani was usually left high and dry to talk their way out of something. Once or twice, Owen swooped in with some way to distract, but Dani was happy when Christmas morning finally arrived in the Taylor-Clayton household.</p>
<p>Presents were all opened and wrapping paper was strewn around the room. Owen walked through and topped off everyone’s mugs of hot chocolate. As he walked past Miles and Flora, he dropped two last presents in front of them.</p>
<p>“Oh, that’s odd.” He looked down at the presents. “Now, what on earth could those be?”</p>
<p>Flora and Miles immediately pounced on them. They tore open their respective packages and each found a shirt inside. Miles held his up so he could read the font on the front. “I’m the big brother.”</p>
<p>“I’m the big sister,” Flora read after. She brought it down to her lap and stared at Dani and Jamie. “I don’t understand. I’m the little sister.”</p>
<p>They two sat in silence, puzzled. Flora picked it back up and read the shirt again just to make sure she had read it right the first time. After a minute, it was clear they weren’t putting it together.</p>
<p>“I blame you,” Jamie said and sipped her hot chocolate. “You were their teacher for six months after all, Poppins.”</p>
<p>Dani sent her wife side-eye. “Flora, do you remember your Christmas wish from last year?”</p>
<p>Flora nodded and then managed to put the pieces together. Excitement burst from her eyes. “Really?” She cried. “Wow, Miles we’re going to have a baby sister.”</p>
<p>“Oh,” Dani said. “We don’t know the sex of the baby just yet. It’s too soon.”</p>
<p>The young girl’s eyes grew serious and she made eye contact with her mom. “It’s a girl. I know because I had a dream about it.”</p>
<p>“Okay, then,” Jamie muttered. She shared a look with Dani that Dani recognized from their time at Bly. Whenever one of the two kids acted stranger than normal, that was the look Dani saw on Jamie’s face.</p>
<p>Miles carefully folded his shirt. “Well, I think it’s going to be a boy. There’s too many girls in this house as it is.”</p>
<p>“What am I, chopped meat?” Owen cried.</p>
<p>“You’re different,” Miles said.</p>
<p>Owen feigned a gasp, “So, I’m chopped vegetables, then, am I?” The boy grabbed some crumpled wrapping paper and threw it at Owen.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Chapter 16</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I totally ghosted you on Friday's chapter I'm so sorry! Life happened and I couldn't find the time to sit down at the computer. The regular posting schedule is back on track! We only have a few more chapters left and will be ending next Friday!</p><p>Hope you enjoy and let me know what you think :) xx</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Flora’s excitement propelled her into a good mood for weeks. She was so excited, in fact, that it had been her that accidentally spilled the news to Ellie. The young girl was in the shop early on a Saturday morning with her moms. She insisted on following Dani around after she found out about the baby. Being eleven, almost twelve, Dani and Jamie knew they were on the tailwind of this kind of relationship with her so they welcomed it.</p><p>Flora was in the front restocking the terracotta pots while her parents were in the back room opening up shipment. Ellie walked in with a drink carrier, the daily drink carrier, that she brought over each morning for a few seconds to dish with her best friends.</p><p>“Good morning, sweetie,” the red-headed woman said as she dropped her keys and the coffees onto the counter.</p><p>“What are those?” Flora asked and narrowed her eyes at the drinks.</p><p>“Oh, it’s coffee for your moms. If you want some hot chocolate, though, I can bring you some in a few minutes.” Ellie pulled her jacket off, oblivious to the cross attitude that Flora was sending her way.</p><p>“Why are you bringing Dani coffee?” She cried. “She shouldn’t be drinking that.”</p><p>At the sound of Flora’s raised voice, Dani and Jamie rushed into the front of the store. “Ellie,” Jamie said. “What’s going on?”</p><p>Ellie stared at Flora. “I’m not sure. She’s upset that I’m bringing Dani coffee.”</p><p>“How could you?” Flora continued. “I trusted you.”</p><p>“Flora,” Dani whispered and walked over to the girl. “It’s not like that.”</p><p>Ellie crossed her arms. Anything in her that thought the situation was amusing was now gone. “What’s she talking about?”</p><p>“I’ve just been getting migraines lately,” Dani tried. Ellie’s eyes only narrowed and she bowed her head. Her friend had a great talent of recognizing when one of them was lying.</p><p>Jamie chuckled, “Dani, the cat’s out of the bag. May as well tell her. She’ll find out soon enough anyway.” She looked at her friend and stuck her hands in her jacket pockets. A grin spread across Dani’s face and she nodded. “She’s pregnant.”</p><p>“Oh,” Ellie said and stooped down to Flora’s eye level. “And I suppose you’re just taking your sisterly duties seriously, then?”</p><p>“That’s my job,” Flora insisted.</p><p>Ellie brushed a finger over Flora’s nose. “You’re doing a good job of it, little one.” Then, she looked between her friends. There had been talk amongst them that it was something they were interested in pursuing. It wasn’t too much of a shock for Ellie, but she was still overjoyed at the news. “Congrats, you two.”</p><p>“Thank you,” Dani said.</p><p>“I do have one question,” Ellie said. She picked up the drink carrier and waved it between the two of them. “What have you been doing with the second coffee I bring you every morning?”</p><p>“Let’s just say I’ve been caffeinating for two,” Jamie quipped.</p><p>Flora gave Ellie a rose by means of an apology as Ellie saw herself out, promising to be back soon with two hot chocolates. It didn’t take long for Flora to bounce back and only a few minutes later she was sweeping and humming to herself in the corner.</p><p>It was good they told Ellie when they did because it wasn’t much longer after that Dani began to show. It happened so suddenly, both Dani and Jamie swore it was overnight. The early morning alarm was not a pleasant sound for Dani who had spent most of the night tossing and turning. Jamie kissed her good morning and let her sleep while she showered.</p><p>Eventually, though, she couldn’t sleep any longer so Jamie called from the bathroom, “You’ve gotta get up now.”</p><p>Dani groaned and covered her head with the pillow. “I just want to sleep a little longer.”</p><p>“I know, baby,” Jamie said. “But I’ve got an early morning delivery for that wedding so I can’t take the kids to school today.”</p><p>“They can just take a sick day. They’ll like that.” Dani was half asleep and if she just sat still for two minutes she would be back out.</p><p>Jamie pulled the covers off of Dani, “Miles has a test and Flora’s got a book report today. Come on. You get up now, I’ll take the evening shift in the store from you tonight and you can go to bed early.”</p><p>Again, for dramatics, Dani groaned, but got up. “I’m gonna hold you to that,” she said and stripped in front of the dresser.</p><p>“Blue Eyes,” Jamie said, quiet. When Dani turned to face her wife, she saw her eyes sweeping her body. “You’ve got a bump.”</p><p>Dani laughed, “What are you talking about?” When she looked down, she didn’t see much difference, but Jamie swore it was there so she went to the bathroom mirror. Sure enough, there was a bump. It was small, very small, but it was there. “Well, I guess we know why I didn’t sleep last night.” She ran her hand over it, feeling her body grow and change. Dani couldn’t bring herself to look away for a while and Jamie leaned against the doorframe watching her wife stare in awe.</p><p>Downstairs, Flora and Miles were each eating their cereal at the island coutner. They were deeply engaged in an argument about some Star Wars plot point and barely acknowledged their moms.</p><p>“Good morning to you, too,” Jamie said. She tussled Miles’s hair as she walked by him. “You lot ready for school today? Flora, do you have your report in your backpack?”</p><p>“Of course,” Flora said. She dropped her spoon into her bowl and carried it to the sink.</p><p>Jamie pulled an apple from the fruit bowl and took a bite. She sent a pointed glance across the island at Miles. “And you, mister? Did you study for your test?”</p><p>“Yeah,” he said. “I studied last night.”</p><p>Flora shut the dishwasher and looked inquisitively at her brother. “No, you didn’t. You read your comic books all night.”</p><p>“No,” Miles yelled.</p><p>“Don’t lie, Miles. I told you the whole time to study,” Flora said. She looked at her moms. “He’s failing history, you know.”</p><p>Dani let the fridge door shut loudly as she spun to face Miles. “History? I thought it was math you were struggling in.”</p><p>Miles’s face began to turn a shade of bright red. “Flora, you snitch, why would you tell on me like that?”</p><p>“I heard Ms. Christianson in the hallway saying you might have to repeat the whole year if you don’t turn your grades around now,” Flora crossed her arms over her chest.</p><p>“Is that true?” Dani asked. </p><p>“Flora,” Miles yelled. The spoon in his hand flew across the kitchen and smacked right into Flora’s forehead. She cried in pain as a two inch split tore at her hairline. Being a head wound, blood started to pour down her face.</p><p>“Oi,” Jamie yelled at Miles. She grabbed the dish towel off its hook and pressed it against Flora’s bleeding forehead. “What the hell was that? If you ever throw anything at anyone in this house again, I’ll end you.”</p><p>“Miles, get in the car,” Dani snapped. She touched Jamie’s hand and her wife moved the towel. “She’s going to need stitches.”</p><p>“You happy?” Jamie asked Miles. “Because I think you took the saying ‘snitches get stitches’ a little too seriously.” </p><p>Miles, ashamed, trudged into the garage. He stopped at the door and looked back at his sister. “I’m sorry, Flora.”</p><p>Dani placed a palm on Flora’s cheek. “Does it hurt, honey? Do you feel groggy or anything?”</p><p>Flora shook her head, “I feel fine, really. I knew he was going to do it so I’m not surprised.”</p><p>“Flora?” Jamie asked. “What do you mean you knew?”</p><p>“I had a dream about it,” Flora said.</p><p>Dani and Jamie met each other’s eyes again, confused, but there wasn’t time for that. “Jamie, you have that delivery.”</p><p>“You sure you got this, Poppins?” She asked. Dani nodded so Jamie handed the towel to Flora. “Take this and keep it tight against your head.” The girl did as she was told.</p><p>“Let’s get you into the car and then we’ll get you to a doctor,” Dani said. She led Flora to the door and grabbed her bag.</p><p>Jamie called after them, “Keep me updated?”</p><p>“What time do you think you’ll be back in the store?” Dani asked.</p><p>She looked at the clock on the wall. “I dunno, probably ten?”</p><p>“I’ll call you then,” Dani said.</p><p>It was hard to do it alone, be at the hospital without Jamie for the first big thing (at least that they had been in the state for). Thankfully, the process was fairly seamless. The emergency room wasn’t busy so they were in and out before too long. The day was still early so Dani dropped Miles off at school (just in time for his test) and then took Flora back to the shop.</p><p>“Let’s see the damage, then,” Jamie said as her wife and the young girl walked into the shop. She set the flower arrangement she was working on down and gestured for Flora to come closer. The girl pulled the bandage up. “Six of them? Must have been quite the trooper, there, soldier.”</p><p>“It didn’t hurt at all,” Flora said. “They gave me this shot that made the top half of my face go numb.”</p><p>Jamie pulled the girl closer to her side for a hug and then asked Dani, “Where’s Miles?”</p><p>“School. Hopefully taking that test right about now,” Dani sighed and sat down on the stool behind the counter. “I’m wiped out and it’s not even eleven, yet.”</p><p>“The two of you should go home and watch movies on the couch for the rest of the day,” Jamie said. “I’ve got things handled here.”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Dani shook her head. “I don’t want to leave you with the store by yourself that long.”</p><p>Jamie waved it off, “Poppins, it’s a Tuesday and all the deliveries are done. If anything, I can get more work done without you distracting me looking all cute all the time, like you do.”</p><p>Dani caved and left. Halfway through the first movie, though, she fell asleep. Jamie arrived home to dinner waiting on the table. It was a simple chicken and rice meal, but Jamie’s favorite thing that Dani cooked.</p><p>“How was your test?” Jamie broke the silence to address Miles.</p><p>He sighed, “Not great.”</p><p>“I’d suggest reading the textbook,” Jamie said. “That always gave me a good start.”</p><p>Dani set her fork down. “You know, Miles, I think you’re going to spend your evenings at the shop for a while.”</p><p>“Good idea,” Jamie agreed.</p><p>“What?” Miles whined.</p><p>“I don’t want to hear it,” Dani said. “After school, you’ll go to the shop where we can keep an eye on you and make sure you’re doing your homework. If you don’t finish it by close, you can’t play video games or read comic books that night until it’s done. If you finish before close, you can do some chores around the shop.”</p><p>He sighed and scooted the rice around his plate. “Fine. How long?”</p><p>“For starters, however long your sister has stitches in her head,” Jamie said. She took a deep breath. “Then, your mum and I will talk to your teachers and let you know.”</p><p>Miles pouted the rest of the dinner, but didn’t argue much further because it was a fair punishment, even he knew. The kids excused themselves and went upstairs leaving the wives by themselves in the kitchen. It was the first time since the incident they actually had a moment to themselves.</p><p>“It’s like he’s got Peter fuckin’ Quint in him again,” Jamie muttered as she loaded plates into the dishwasher.</p><p>“And these ‘dreams’ Flora’s having?” Dani added. A shudder traveled down her spine. “You don’t think it has anything to do with Bly, right?”</p><p>Jamie dried her hands and hung up the towel. “I think Miles is becoming an angsty teenager and he needs help channeling his anger. Thankfully, he’s got me who’s literally always cross so I think I can right him. Flora,” she shook her head. “Flora, I’m not so sure about. I think we just have to keep an eye on it.”</p><p>“It doesn’t seem dangerous, just,” Dani paused. “Strange.”</p><p>Jamie quietly continued the chore. Suddenly, she began to laugh. Dani looked at her, confused where the humor was in the situation. “You’ve got to admit, that was a million dollar shot from Miles.” Dani snickered and threw the dish towel at her wife who swatted it away from her face.</p><p>A few weeks passed without another reported dream from Flora. The baby seemed to be growing by the day and the more time that passed, the harder easy tasks were to accomplish for Dani. Jamie doted on her every second of every day, always making sure she was comfortable, eating enough, getting enough sleep. Not once did Jamie complain, in fact she seemed to find joy in taking care of her pregnant wife.</p><p>The last person to learn the news was Mrs. Clayton. Dani had done that on purpose for no particular reason other than wanting to push it off as long as possible. The time came, as time does, to share it with her mom before Mrs. Clayton found out herself and made some big deal about not being told before that. So, they invited her over for dinner.</p><p>That night, Mrs. Clayton was feeling more over dramatic than normal. Dani couldn’t tell if it was because of the wine in her mom’s hand or Dani’s lack of intoxication during a family dinner. Either way, her patience was chipping away fast and the kids’ screams of excitement as they joked around with their grandma were only putting her more on edge.</p><p>Even though this evening was intended to share the news of the pregnancy with her mom, Dani still wore a blouse that hung loose. Her bump had grown since the first morning they had noticed it so she didn’t have many clothes that wouldn’t at least hint at a change in her body. Any other day of the week, it was new and exciting to see the reminder of the baby brushing against her shirt. This evening, though, Dani caught herself being self-conscious about her body from the second her mom walked through the door. Every angle she stood at or bent over at, she wondered if it was obvious. She knew she didn’t have a reason to hide it, but she wanted to wait as long as possible to have to talk about it with her mother.</p><p>Dani stood over the counter, chopping onions while Jamie put on some music. She heard her mom coming up behind her and, by the sound of the glass on the countertop, Mrs. Clayton was looking for a refill.</p><p>“The white is in the fridge,” Dani pointed at the refrigerator with the knife. “I think the red is on the island.”</p><p>Mrs. Clayton opened the fridge and topped off her glass with more wine. As she put it away, she peered over Dani’s shoulder at the cutting board. “You’re cutting the onion wrong, dear.”</p><p>“I can’t cut the onion wrong, mom, it’s just going into a food processor in a second.” Each chop was getting more and more passive aggressive and loud.</p><p>“Well, if you cut the onion right, you wouldn’t need a food processor,” Mrs. Clayton continued. She raised an eyebrow at her daughter as she took a sip.</p><p>Dani set the knife down and turned to face her mom. “Do you listen to yourself talk or do you just tune out the sound of your own voice?” </p><p>Mrs. Clayton took her glass and left the kitchen. “Honestly, Danielle, you are so dramatic sometimes.”</p><p>Jamie eyed the interaction and joined Dani at the cutting board. “Take a breath, you’ve got a long night.”</p><p>“She makes me understand why some people would want to commit murder,” Dani whispered to her wife. She scraped the onion into the food processor and channeled her anger into the blending of onions, tomatoes, and garlic. “Can’t we just order a pizza so we can kick her out early?”</p><p>“Miles and Flora are having so much fun,” Jamie said. It was true. Flora was showing her grandma the latest drawings from her art class and Miles was telling her all about the new comic book series he was into. And, of course, Mrs. Clayton ate the admiration up.</p><p>“Mums?” Flora called from the living room. “Can we play Monopoly with grandma?”</p><p>Dani’s eyes widened, “Oh, God, no.”</p><p>“Uh,” Jamie looked from Dani to the rest of the family. “What she means is that’s a bit of a long one to start before dinner. How about Clue?”</p><p>Miles shrugged, “Clue’s fine.” Jamie looked over her shoulder at Dani– who flashed a grateful smile– and went off to find the board game.</p><p>The conversation returned to a quiet hum and Dani savored every second of it. She dumped the contents of the food processor into a waiting pot and began to stir it with a spoon. It was a recipe Owen had taught her out of pity the last time he had visited. Dani had perfected it– at least that’s what she told herself– and made it whenever she had guests over.</p><p>The next step was to cook the meat. Dani opened the cupboard above the stove top. The array of oils, vinegars, and other sauces were stuffed haphazardly around the cabinet. And, of course, the ones she needed had been pushed to the back the last time Jamie cooked. She hated when Jamie cooked. It wasn’t necessarily that Jamie was bad at it, she was just a messy one. And, with the help of her pregnant belly, Dani wasn’t able to lean forward enough to find the olive oil.</p><p>“Miles?” Dani called over her shoulder. “Can you come help me?”</p><p>“Of course,” Miles said and stood up from the couch.</p><p>Mrs. Clayton clucked her tongue. “You’re making him do chores right now?”</p><p>With her back safely to her mother, Dani rolled her eyes. “It’s not chores, I just need his help for a second.”</p><p>“I’m just saying, it’s been a month since I last saw you and you’re taking away the precious time I have with the kids.” Mrs. Clayton shook her head and finished her glass of wine.</p><p>“I just need him to reach something for me and then he’s all yours again,” Dani said. Her voice was tight and monotone as she desperately tried to hide any hint of an attitude. Then, to Miles,<br/>
“Just the olive oil in the back, honey.”</p><p>Her mom joined the three in the kitchen and retrieved the bottle of wine she had been slowly but surely finishing off. “He’s not much taller than you, Danielle.” Dani ran both hands over her face and through her hair out of frustration. “If he can reach it, so can you.”</p><p>Dani turned to face her mom. “I’m pregnant,” she almost yelled. That wasn’t the way she had planned on telling her mom, but she couldn’t take the nagging anymore and it slipped out. She let out a deep sigh, watched her mom’s face of confusion, and then she pressed her hand against the bottom of her stomach to pull the shirt just taught enough that the bump was obvious. “That’s why I can’t reach the damn oil.”</p><p>Her mom was silent for a long time. Once it hit, though, a smile spread across her face and she pulled her daughter in for a hug. “Oh, this is so exciting.”</p><p>“It’s a girl,” Flora added.</p><p>Dani laughed, “We don’t know that yet.” Flora just shrugged, still sure of herself. “I’m due in late June.”</p><p>“A Cancer,” Mrs. Clayton hummed. “That’s too many water signs under one roof. Miles and Flora have their hands full always running around mopping up your emotions. You should have spaced it out better. A virgo would have balanced the family much more.”</p><p>The frustration in Dani started to build again. Her mother loved reminding everyone of their star charts (which she had drawn up for Miles and Flora within a week of their arrival) and blamed their flaws on it. Dani was a Pisces, Jamie a Scorpio, Miles a Capricorn, and Flora a Cancer. She talked about it so much Dani swore it was tattooed in her brain.</p><p>“I’m sorry we didn’t consult your horoscope skills before getting pregnant,” Dani deadpanned.</p><p>Mrs. Clayton pressed her lips together for a moment. “It’s not ‘horoscope’ and you know that.” She took a seat at the island counter. Flora fell in next to her and sat in the exact same position as her grandma.</p><p>Jamie arrived in the kitchen with the game box and passed it to Miles. “What did I miss?”</p><p>“Apparently,” Dani said and raised her eyebrows at her wife, desperate for help, “we should have waited a few more months so the baby would be a Virgo instead of a Cancer.”</p><p>Jamie shook her head, “How could we have missed this?” She winked at her wife and Dani felt calmer at the sight of it. “Guess you’ll just have to hold the baby in for an extra two months.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Chapter 17</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for sticking around for this long &lt;3 It means a lot to me that some of you like this story so much!</p>
<p>I had it finished, but I'm thinking about adding in 1-2 more chapters to round out a bit of stuff I feel like wasn't fully talked about. So I'll have to get back to you on the official ending ;)</p>
<p>Enjoy! xx</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Little fucking shit,” Jamie yelled from the nursery. A crash rang through the hallway and it caught Dani’s attention. She set down the shirt she was folding and sought out the source. Her wife was sitting, legs crossed, on the ground in what was Miles’s room, but would now be the nursery. Miles had moved into one of the two guest bedrooms downstairs so that the nursery could be right next door to Jamie’s and Dani’s room.</p>
<p>Dani walked into the room and rested her hand on her belly. “What’s going on in here?” She surveyed the room. Some stray pieces of furniture sat wherever they had been placed. A rug was rolled up in the corner and a few cans of paint waited by the door. Jamie had a toolbox next to her and a manual in one hand. A pile of wooden slats were splayed out on the ground in front of her.</p>
<p>Jamie held up the manual, “This guide is pointless. It’s like trying to build a puzzle, but all the pieces are faced down.”</p>
<p>“Let me see?” Dani asked. She took the booklet from Jamie and flipped through it. It was a diagram for how to build the crib they purchased. Each page had a picture that  included tools, parts, and arrows depicting how to put the parts together. Dani reviewed the first page and then squatted to look at the parts. Her hand dug through a pile and pulled out a peg. “We put these pegs into the hole there on the base and then the slats go on top.”</p>
<p>“You serious?” Jamie cried. She looked over her wife’s shoulder at the picture. Meanwhile, Dani picked up the base board and began to insert pegs. “Give me that, Blue Eyes.”</p>
<p>“I can help,” Dani said.</p>
<p>“Of course you can, but I’m not letting you,” Jamie said. She took the boards from Dani and got to putting them together. “I told you, I’ll build the nursery, you build the baby. Now, if you want to be my hot assistant, I happen to have a job opening.”</p>
<p>Dani gave over the supplies and leaned back against the wall. “What’s the requirements?”</p>
<p>“Must respond to ‘Poppins’, ‘Blue Eyes’, and/or ‘baby’. Can’t make tea no matter how much you think you can. Have a disturbing love for candy corn. Must be 20 weeks pregnant.” Jamie winked at her wife. “You fit those qualifications?”</p>
<p>“I could probably make the cut,” Dani laughed.</p>
<p>“Great, ‘cause I have a task for you,” Jamie dropped the pegs in her hand. She tipped Dani’s chin up and then slipped her hand around the back of her head as she leaned in for a kiss. When they pulled apart, Jamie brushed Dani’s bangs from her face. “You’re hired.”</p>
<p>As Jamie went to return to the project, Dani caught hold of her hand and kissed it. She laced their hands together. “Let the record show I’ve never liked candy corn before. The baby just can’t get enough of it.”</p>
<p>“Bloody hard craving to have in March,” Jamie said. When it first hit a few weeks ago, Jamie ended up driving all over town desperately trying to find it. A candy store on the opposite side from their house happened to have a stash left over from Halloween which they sold for a discounted price. It was depleted fast, though, and the owner of the candy store (mom of three kids) took pity and tracked down some from the supply company she ordered product from. “I’m gonna need my hand back, Poppins.”</p>
<p>“Not yet,” Dani said and squeezed tighter. Jamie gave a playful eye roll and slid into place next to Dani. She wrapped an arm around her wife’s shoulder and pulled her close. Dani looked around the room. “When are we gonna paint?”</p>
<p>“If I can get this bloody crib put together I was thinking about starting a base coat tonight. Might let you help with that if you ask nice enough.”</p>
<p>Dani chuckled and shook her head, “Buying pink paint was one thing, but we should really wait to actually have the doctor confirm it’s a girl.”</p>
<p>“I dunno, Flora’s pretty convinced,” Jamie said. “Besides, boys can like pink.”</p>
<p>“I think she has more dreams than she tells us,” Dani said. “Did you notice how the other day she told us we were going to be late so she made us leave early and then fifteen minutes after we got to their school there was a crash?”</p>
<p>Jamie’s eyebrows pushed together in thought. “Oh, yeah, and then yesterday she told me not to forget eggs.”</p>
<p>“That’s different,” Dani bumped her shoulder into Jamie’s. “We just know we have to remind you of stuff ten times over or else you’ll forget. Now with pregnancy-brain, she’s gotta step up to the plate or nothing gets done.”</p>
<p>Flora screaming her brother’s name made its way to the nursery. Jamie groaned. “All day. You’d think they would run out of things to argue about.” She pushed herself up off the floor and then turned around to help Dani up. “They’re gonna burn down this house one day.”</p>
<p>The kids' feet ran down the hallway. “Hey, no running in the house,” Dani yelled. She walked out of the nursery. “You know this.”</p>
<p>“I didn’t take your game,” Flora yelled. She was on the landing with Miles’s arm around her neck. The girl was yanking at her brother’s arm, but it wasn’t budging. “Let me go.”</p>
<p>“What is this?” Jamie cried. She grabbed his arm and pulled it off Flora. Once she was free, she ran on the other side of Dani. “Barely has her stitches out and you’re ready to give her new ones.”<br/>Miles pointed at his sister. “She took the game out of my Atari.”</p>
<p>“Did you?” Dani asked Flora. She shook her head. “Do you know where it is?”</p>
<p>“No, I told him. He always forgets to put it back in the case and they get lost.” Flora sighed and readjusted her shirt.</p>
<p>Dani tilted Flora’s head back so she could take a look at the girl. “You okay?” Flora nodded. “Okay, go back to your room while we talk to your brother.” She did as she was told.</p>
<p>Jamie took a deep breath and stared off into the distance for a moment. “Come on.” She led the three downstairs and then gestured for Miles to sit on the armchair in the living room while she and Dani sat on the couch across from him. “Why are you so angry all the time?”</p>
<p>“May as well ask you the same thing,” Miles snapped. He slouched against the back of the chair and crossed his arms.</p>
<p>“You’re failing classes, you’re angry all the time, you’re hurting your sister,” Dani sighed. “We’re worried.”</p>
<p>“Don’t be,” Miles said.</p>
<p>Jamie set her elbows on her knees and leaned over her legs. “Look, mate, I’ve been down this road before. It’s not a pretty one.” He stared blankly at her. “You’ve got a lot to be angry about, but anger just sits in you and burns you to the ground. It takes you with it.”</p>
<p>That made his blank stare falter. “What if I want it to?” He said, under his breath.</p>
<p>“What do you mean?” Dani asked, her heartbeat picked up in her chest.</p>
<p>He thought to himself for a moment. “It’s always there, in the back of my mind. Bly.” His eyebrows pressed together and he stared at his lap. “When I’m awake, everything reminds me about it. But even sleeping doesn’t help, I just have nightmares. It feels like if I just accept it and be angry it’s easier to deal with than trying to fight it.”</p>
<p>Jamie looked over at Dani next to her and took a deep breath. “We have nightmares, too.”</p>
<p>“You do?” Miles asked.</p>
<p>Dani nodded, “All the time. What we all went through, especially you and your sister, those kinds of things stick with you. And sometimes they follow you, like they’re ghosts.”</p>
<p>“Sometimes people touch me and I think it’s Peter trying to take control,” Miles said.</p>
<p>“If a scarf is too tight I think it’s the Lady in the Lake choking me,” Dani said. “Nothing you’re feeling is bad. It doesn’t make you a bad person.”</p>
<p>“Anger may seem like the best coping mechanism, but I promise you, it’s not.” Jamie wrung her hands. “I thought anger made it easy for me, too. Then, it wasn’t just anger. It was drugs and alcohol. Got me locked up.”</p>
<p>Miles tilted his head and looked at Jamie. “I didn’t know you went to jail.”</p>
<p>Jamie held her hands out and nodded. “Learned a lot there. Mainly, how destructive anger can be for a person. At first, it seems like it’s just about you. Like it doesn’t matter because the feeling inside you is just inside you. But it spills out. It touches everything around you and it spoils everything around you.” She looked at her wife. Dani took Jamie’s hand, rested it in her own lap, and gave a slight nod to let Jamie take over the conversation. Jamie returned her attention to Miles. “It’s okay if you’re struggling. We all struggle sometimes. You, me, your mum. Everyone. There are consequences to failing classes and there are consequences to having to repeat school. But, that ship can be righted. We can help you right it. But, hurting people? You can never take it back. You can never fix it.”</p>
<p>Tears cropped up in Miles’s eyes. “Did you ever hurt someone?”</p>
<p>Jamie took a deep breath and Dani squeezed her hand three times. “I did, yeah. Part of the reason I served time, actually. I think about it every day. It’s something I have to carry with me for the rest of my life. What you’ve done to your sister, you’ll have to carry for the rest of your life.”</p>
<p>“It’s not just Flora,” Miles whispered. He studied the rug beneath their feet. “I got expelled from boarding school because I jumped out of a tree and sprained my shoulder.”</p>
<p>“You jumped out of a tree?” Dani squeaked. The fear washed over her again.</p>
<p>He nodded. “And I put my friend in a choke hold. He passed out.”</p>
<p>“Blimey,” Jamie whispered. She took her hand back and rubbed her thighs up and down. “Well–.”</p>
<p>“And killed a bird.” Miles whispered this one the quietest. “It was the teacher’s pet.”</p>
<p>Dani’s mouth dropped open and the wives took a second to make eye contact. There clearly was a lot more going on than they were aware of. “Why did you do all of that?” Dani asked. Her voice shook, wary of whatever answer he could give.</p>
<p>“Flora needed me. She asked me to come home because of Miss Jessel and Peter. I didn’t want her to have to deal with that by herself so I had to find a way.” Miles started crying. “Does that make me a bad person?”</p>
<p>“Think that just makes you a good person who was put in a shite position,” Jamie said. “It doesn’t have any say in who you are unless you let it.” He nodded, but remained silent.</p>
<p>Dani jerked her head toward his bedroom. “Okay, sweetheart. Go clean your room and your mom and I will come find you in a bit.”</p>
<p>Once he left, Jamie stood up and held her hand out to her wife, helping her up and off the couch. They walked upstairs together and closed their bedroom door behind them. Dani returned to folding laundry and Jamie started to put away what was already laid out on the bed.</p>
<p>“I think we should revisit the psychologist idea you had,” Dani said. “The dead bird thing really scares me.”</p>
<p>“That kid’s not a sociopath. Besides, it’s not that simple.” Jamie walked into the closet and returned a moment later with a handful of hangers. “What do we tell a psychologist, though? ‘He’s traumatized from being possessed by a lowlife scumbag who killed his girlfriend that later possessed Miles’s sister, too.’”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Dani said. Jamie’s head whipped up in surprise, but she found a stubbornness in her wife’s eyes. “We do. If he’s going to come out of this with some sense of healing, he needs to be able to process the whole thing. Not just pieces. We’ll tell the psychologist everything first so we know how they deal with it. I’m not sending him in only to be further traumatized. That’s something we can hold.”</p>
<p>Jamie, with a pile of jeans in her hand, got lost in Dani’s eyes for a time. “You know how much I love you?”</p>
<p>A smile spread across Dani’s face. She dropped a pair of socks on the bed, pulled the jeans from Jamie’s hands and wrapped her arms around her neck. “I love you so much,” she whispered into her wife’s neck.</p>
<p>With Dani’s pregnant stomach pressed against Jamie, a sudden movement caught their attention. Jamie sprung back to look down at it. “Was that?”</p>
<p>Dani gasped, “Yeah, I think so.”</p>
<p>“Has it happened before?” Jamie asked.</p>
<p>“No,” Dani shook her head. She pressed her hand against her stomach to feel the baby kick again. Then, she pulled Jamie’s hand in to feel it. Jamie laughed with joy as tears built in her eyes.</p>
<p>“That’s incredible,” Jamie whispered.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Chapter 18</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It only took two weeks for Dani and Jamie to find a doctor and get scheduled. Due to the violent outbursts, Miles was considered an ‘emergency case’ and through that Flora got in through the back door, too. Flora didn’t understand why she also had to see a psychologist since Miles was the one struggling, but Dani explained that, after everything, they all really needed a psychologist. So, the girl begrudgingly agreed (not that she had much of a choice in the first place).</p>
<p>The psychologist asked Dani and Jamie to come in for an initial appointment to learn about the situation and see if it was a good fit. The two spent the whole morning in the shop in silence, anxious about what would come out of this meeting. They were risking a lot being honest about everything that had happened, but the risk of the long term effects for the kids felt like it outweighed the former.</p>
<p>“Dani and Jamie?” The psychologist called into the waiting room. She was a tall woman who walked with confidence about her. When the couple stood up, she stood aside for them to walk with her into her office. The two settled on the couch opposite an armchair. “I’m Dr. Theodora James. You can just call me Theo.”</p>
<p>“Nice to meet you,” Dani said and Jamie just nodded. </p>
<p>“In these initial meetings, I ask parents to tell me about their kids, the issues going on and any trauma or inciting events that have happened in their life.” Theo asked. She pulled out a pen and pad. “So, why don’t you start by telling me about Miles and Flora? What are they like? What are their interests? Et cetera.”</p>
<p>“Miles is 13 and Flora will be 11 in a few months,” Dani started. “They’re both absolute sweethearts.”</p>
<p>Jamie nodded in agreement. “Miles is so considerate. Opening doors, getting up to get whatever you need without being asked, doing chores just because he sees they need to be done. Flora is so happy and light hearted it’s almost sickening some days.”</p>
<p>“He’s really good at reading and writing and she tests off the charts in math,” Dani sighed and her eyebrows crumpled together. “They spend most of their energy caring for everyone around them. Miles tries to take everyone’s pain from them. He would rather feel all of it than have someone else hurt. And Flora, she just tires herself out trying to make everyone feel happier.”</p>
<p>“A dog that can smell fear, those two. Except it’s not fear, it’s pain.” Jamie looked off into the distance. “They can spot it from a mile away.”</p>
<p>Theo scribbled away as she nodded in understanding. “And it’s just Miles that is having behavioral problems right now?”</p>
<p>“I mean, as far as we can tell Flora is doing fine,” Dani said. “We’re hoping that by getting her in now we can avoid too much bounce back.”</p>
<p>“Of course,” Theo said. “Tell me about Miles’s anger outbursts.”</p>
<p>“Threw a spoon at his sister’s forehead, little over a month ago.” Jamie scoffed a little and shook her head at the thought. “She needed stitches for that. Couple weeks ago we caught him with his sister in a choke hold because he thought she took his video game.”</p>
<p>Theo took a pause from notetaking and looked straight at the couple. “That must be really stressful with a new baby on the way.</p>
<p>Dani set a hand on her stomach and Jamie set a hand on her wife’s knee. The two hadn’t talked about it, but Dani had secretly worried about it for weeks now. She was too ashamed over the thought to confess it to Jamie, but now, seeing Jamie’s reaction to the doctor’s words she knew her wife was also plagued with the same worries. Dani looked at the psychologist. “He also got expelled from boarding school. He killed a bird.”</p>
<p>That peaked the doctor’s attention and she raised her eyes. “A bird?”</p>
<p>“There’s a reason for that,” Jamie quickly added. “He was trying to get expelled and nothing else was working.”</p>
<p>“Why was he trying to get expelled?”</p>
<p>“He wanted to go home to his sister. They were all they had left at that point,” Dani’s voice trailed off. It pained her to think that there was a time where those two were so alone. Sure, Hannah, Owen, and Jamie were there and they were great, but it wasn’t the same as a parental figure, really. Even an au pair wasn’t the same.</p>
<p>“What do you mean by that? Were you two absent?” Theo asked.</p>
<p>“Oh,” Jamie shook her head. “Sorry, I was just the gardener at the time and Dani wasn’t hired on yet. She was their au pair.”</p>
<p>This seemed to confuse the psychologist who stared at her paper for a moment, before slowly writing, crossing something off, and writing again. “Where are their birth parents?”</p>
<p>“Dead,” Jamie said, matter of fact. “Died when they were six and eight, I think. That sounds about right. Really when all this started.”</p>
<p>Dani shook her head, “No, I think it was before that. I don’t know much, but Flora said the boy with no face was before her parents’ passing.”</p>
<p>“Really? Hmm.” Jamie thought for a second. “Didn’t know that, but I do remember Charlotte– their mum– saying she was having nightmares.”</p>
<p>“So Flora has nightmares?” Theo asked.</p>
<p>“Oh, no,” Dani said. “Not anymore than the rest of us do, really.” </p>
<p>The doctor scratched her forehead and pushed her hair over her head, evidently confused. “Maybe you should just start from the beginning and tell me everything.”<br/>Jamie adjusted on her side of the couch to get comfortable. Once she was propped between the corner where the arm and the back of the couch met, she spoke. “Like I said, their parents, Dominic and Charlotte died a few years back. They were on holiday in India and there was an accident.”</p>
<p>“Is that when you two got custody?” Theo asked.</p>
<p>“No, they went to their Uncle Henry,” Dani said. “He was an alcoholic.”</p>
<p>Jamie leaned forward a bit, “Not before Dominic and Charlotte died, though. He was different then. Around all the time, happy, still had a stick up his arse, but generally more fun. He was having an affair with Charlotte the whole time, but I think he really loved her. Probably why he got so fucked up after their passing. Lost the love of his life and his brother all in one.”</p>
<p>“Flora is Henry’s biological daughter. She doesn’t know that, of course,” Dani chimed in. “Anyway, he stopped coming around. It was Jamie, the chef, Owen, and the housekeeper, Hannah who were around every day. Henry also sent out his employee Peter every once in a while to check in.”</p>
<p>Arms now crossed, Jamie scoffed. “Sorry excuse for a human being, that one.” She shook her head. “Should never have been let around the kids. First day I met him, he grabbed my ass. I socked him right in the face.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, he was a bad influence on the kids, but he did hire Rebecca, their first au pair.”</p>
<p>“And Rebecca was a good influence?” Theo asked.</p>
<p>“Rebecca was a great person. Miles and Flora adored her. Another thing lost to Peter fuckin’ Quint. That girl deserved so much better,” Jamie said.</p>
<p>Dani leaned across the couch and slid her hand on top of Jamie’s shoulder. “Don’t curse,” she whispered.</p>
<p>Theo looked over her notes for a moment. “I’m assuming they’re no longer around since you were hired on as the au pair later.”</p>
<p>A silence passed through the room. It was broken up with Jamie clearing her throat, but still no one spoke. The couple finally exchanged a glance and Jamie scratched the back of her head. “Come on, then. Let’s get this over with.” But the quiet took over for a little longer before Jamie continued. “Bly, the house where the kids and Dani lived, and where I worked, it was haunted. And not in the way where something touched your shoulder or things aren’t where they were left. People died. All four of us almost died.”</p>
<p>Dani’s hand snuck across the couch and wrapped around Jamie’s. “We know this probably sounds strange to you, but that’s exactly why they need help. If this is too much for you, please tell us.”<br/>The doctor stared down at her notes for a moment and took a deep breath. “I won’t lie to you, I don’t know if I believe in ghosts or not. But, I do know fear and I do know trauma. That’s what I treat, no matter what the story is behind it. So, if you feel comfortable, I would love to hear more about what happened at Bly.”</p>
<p>The wives thought to themselves for a moment. Dani tried to decide how to understand Theo’s response. At first glance, it concerned Dani that Theo wasn’t outright supporting the narrative. Then again, she was skeptical but open. Perhaps it was better that she wasn’t developing a narrative in her head at all– whether it was pro- or anti-ghost.</p>
<p>Dani chewed her lip for a moment, then decided it was best to keep pushing forward for now. “There were a lot of ones, but–,” she started.</p>
<p>“What’s ‘one’?” Theo asked.</p>
<p>Dani paused, “Ghosts.” The word struck her for a second. It felt so light hearted, almost comedic, to describe it as that. She was pretty sure the only time she had used that word to describe the creatures that lived amongst them at Bly was when she had told the whole story to Ellie. That was definitely a comedic retelling. This, though, was not a time for amusement. All of it was being laid out there for another person to assess. “There were a lot of ghosts, but the main one was the Lady in the Lake. She was the one you didn’t want to cross paths with at night.”</p>
<p>Jamie nodded, solemn. Her eyes glazed over as she stared into the distance, no doubt recalling the story. “She tried to kill us and she almost did every single time.”</p>
<p>“She lived in the lake on the grounds and some nights she would walk out of the water and through the house. If someone was in her path, she would take them with her.” Dani’s hand absent-mindedly travelled to her neck and brushed over where the bruises had once been. “She grabbed them by the throat. Pulled them behind her as she walked until they died or they drowned.”</p>
<p>“Got Peter Quint that way. Right in front of Miles and Flora,” Jamie said. “The way they tell it, apparently the Lady disappeared with him and a minute later he returned. He tried to pick something up and his hand just floated right through it. They were talking to his ghost. And, because he’s a shite human, he didn’t waste any time possessing Miles.”</p>
<p>“He was dating the other au pair, Rebecca, at the time and she eventually let him in. We don’t know all the details, but when she was tucked away and he was in charge he drowned her in the lake so they could be together.” Dani looked over at Jamie as she shared this part. It was only through fragmented memories Flora had collected from Rebecca that they knew this. In the last moments before Flora or Miles regained control, they would catch glimpses of Rebecca’s or Peter’s memories. The more time passed, the more comfortable they felt piecing these together to see the larger picture. It filled in a lot of gaps for Dani, who felt a deeper sense of closure each time they came to a collective conclusion about one part or another.</p>
<p>A single tear rolled down Jamie’s cheek. “The next morning, I found Flora standing by the lake at seven A.M. and she was staring at something. When I looked, there was Rebecca’s body. Floating. Upside down. Flora didn’t move. She didn’t cry. She was silent as she watched Rebecca’s body.”</p>
<p>“That must have been hard for the both of you,” Theo said. Jamie sniffed away the oncoming tears and nodded.</p>
<p>“Six months later, Miles, possessed by Peter so he had no say, pushed the housekeeper, Hannah, down the well. Only, Hannah didn’t exactly know she was dead and she still lived every day with us. None of us even knew. That’s when I came on as the au pair. There was immediately something off with the kids. They just seemed like they had two different personalities. Now, knowing everything, I know it was because there were times when Rebecca or Peter were in charge and times when it was just the kids. Sometimes I would catch Flora staring over my shoulder and then she would nod like someone was talking to her. I saw Peter a few times, in windows or on parapets. At the very end, Rebecca was there, once, in Flora’s room.” Dani continued.Her eyebrows pressed together and she focused on her hand as it rubbed her pregnant belly. “One day, both of them took over the kids and then tied me up in the attic. They had a plot to fully take over the kids’ bodies, permanently, and then kill me. Flora untied me and we tried to run.” Her voice tapered off and she again grabbed for her throat.</p>
<p>A silence took over the room again. Dani started to cry and Jamie rubbed her back. “She walked straight into the Lady in the Lake. Dragged her all the way up the stairs. The only reason she’s alive is because Flora sacrificed herself for Dani just as she was about to pass out.”</p>
<p>“What do you mean ‘sacrificed’?” Theo asked. By now, her note page had been all but forgotten. Her attention was focused exclusively on the two women sitting in front of her.</p>
<p>Jamie looked at Dani, who just shook her head in the smallest way a person could while still getting the point across. “Flora pulled the Lady’s attention and the Lady dropped Dani to pick Flora up. She carried Flora all the way back outside and into the lake. Dani chased them, barely able to breathe. I didn’t get to see too much, but I could kind of see Rebecca talking to Flora as the Lady slowly carried her into the lake. Dani ran in after them. Just as the Lady was about to take Flora under, Dani said–.”</p>
<p>“‘It’s you. It’s me. It’s us.’” Dani whispered it into the room. She sounded so far away, and she was. As Jamie told it, Dani could see every moment of it playing out again. She could feel her throat almost collapsing. Her heart beating fast. She could remember the way she didn’t care if she lived or died as long as Flora made it out of the lake safe. When she whispered those words, when the Lady slowly turned around in the water, the weirdest feeling came over her. A coldness enveloped her, but not from the outside pushing against her skin. It started in her gut and rushed through every vein and nerve in her body. It settled in her heart. A sense of numbness passed over her, like she couldn’t remember if she was alive or dead. Everything was foggy and she could barely hear Jamie’s voice calling out to her, barely feel Jamie’s forehead pressed against her. How badly Dani wanted to grab hold of Jamie and never let go, tell her never to leave. The words couldn’t come out and her body couldn’t move. She was stuck, feeling everything and nothing at the same time. “She moved into my body when I said it.”</p>
<p>“Is she still there?” Theo asked.We found a way to get her out,” Jamie said. Her eyes remained glued to her wife who was gone, off to another place. “Almost didn’t, though. She tried to take Dani. Henry put the whole thing together and died so Dani could have a chance. And Flora, too. That’s how the kids came to us. The day we almost lost Dani, the Lady in the Lake took full control and she was gone. Almost took me, too. Choked, just like she did to Peter Quint and to Dani. Flora, the angel she is, sacrificed herself again, thinking she would die just like the first time, so I could live. What she didn’t realize was that she actually broke the curse by doing it. That’s how we ended up here.”</p>
<p>Theo dropped her notepad on the coffee table. She sat quietly for a moment. Dani’s breath quickened. Every second that passed in silence felt longer as they waited to hear Theo’s reaction to the retelling of their past. Finally, she talked. “That is so much trauma for anyone to hold. All four of you must really be hurting. I’m not going to lie, I’ve never treated people with a history like your family’s. But, like I said, I have a lot of experience with trauma and I can tell that this is real for you. So, if you’re willing to bear with me a bit to figure out the best course of treatment, I’m happy to work with your children.”</p>
<p>“That would be great,” Jamie whispered. Dani sat next to her, glossy eyes and shaky hands.</p>
<p>“Let’s start with once a week for both of them. Depending on the intake, I might recommend that Miles come in twice a week. Sound good?” Theo asked.</p>
<p>Jamie nodded, but Dani was still frozen in place. She stood up and reached behind her. “Dani? Come on, baby.”</p>
<p>Dani slowly reached her hand out into Jamie’s and stood to her feet. She was quiet the whole walk to the car and for most of the drive. Jamie had taken the driver’s seat since Dani was so out of it. The first sound she made was a cry of pain. A sharp ache shot through her stomach. She clutched it and leaned over her lap. She cried out again. </p>
<p>“You okay?” Jamie said.</p>
<p>“I don’t know,” Dani gasped. “It’s the baby, I think.”</p>
<p>Jamie swerved into the next lane over and made a quick turn. “We’re going to the hospital.”</p>
<p>Dani started to hyperventilate and she pushed her head into the headrest behind her. “Jamie, what’s happening?”</p>
<p>“It’s going to be okay,” Jamie said. The words came out fast and she gripped the wheel so tight her knuckles turned white. “It’s going to be okay. You’re okay, alright? We’ll be there soon.”</p>
<p>After a minute, the waves of pain subsided to waves of cramps. By the time they walked into the ER, the frequency was lessening, but the anxiety was rising. The nurses rushed them into the back and Dani took a seat on the exam table. Jamie pulled a chair up beside her wife and took her hand. The theme of the day seemed to be silence and it took over the room once more.</p>
<p>It took an impossibly long time for the doctor to come into the room. The doctor was a tall, Black man who wheeled in an ultrasound machine with a comforting smile across his face. “Sorry it took so long. I’m Dr. Isaacs, the lead OB/GYN here today, so I rushed down as soon as I could. It sounds like you’ve been having some pain and cramping?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Dani said. “It started off really sharp like a seven in pain then it went down to a four and was more like cramping. It’s starting to go away.”</p>
<p>“Well, that is certainly good news.” He pulled out a gel and nodded for Dani to pull her shirt up. She slid it over her stomach and watched as he slathered it. “Let’s see what we got here.”</p>
<p>The ultrasound machine whirred on and he waved the wand across her skin. An image of the baby filled the screen and a second later, the sound of the heartbeat echoed through the room. Jamie and Dani both sighed at the exact same time. </p>
<p>“That’s good, right?” Jamie asked.</p>
<p>Dr. Isaacs didn’t respond just yet and kept staring at the screen. When he took the wand off of Dani’s stomach he looked between the two women. “As of right now, everything looks fine. I am concerned about the pain. Did you do anything different today? Something that caused a lot of stress on the body?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, it’s been,” Dani nodded, “stressful. Today was hard.”</p>
<p>He paused, almost waiting for more of an explanation, but continued when neither woman chimed in with more information. “That probably brought on the pain.” He turned off the machine and started to wipe off the gel from Dani’s stomach. “There’s a possibility you’re at risk for a placental abruption. Now, that doesn’t usually happen until after the 20-week mark, so we won’t know anything for another couple weeks and you won’t be in the clear for another few months after that.”</p>
<p>“What,” Dani blinked back tears. “What does that mean?”</p>
<p>“It means the placenta tears from the uterine wall. Sometimes it’s very minor. But, if it’s more than a 50% tear, it can be life threatening to the baby and the mother.” Dr. Isaacs paused and let the explanation sink in. Jamie’s mouth hung open and she stared at her wife who was checked out, staring at the wall. “Again, we can’t know anything now. It’s entirely possible you will have a perfectly healthy pregnancy. You will need to schedule with your regular obstetrician. They know the specifics of your pregnancy and your health best so they might be able to give you a more concrete answer. In the meantime, you, Danielle, need to be on bedrest. That means no leaving the bed for anything other than the bathroom.”</p>
<p>“We can do that,” Jamie nodded. She looked at her wife. “Right? We can do bedrest.”</p>
<p>Dani looked at the doctor, “We have an appointment on Friday.” She looked down at her stomach. “We’re supposed to learn the sex of the baby.”</p>
<p>Dr. Isaacs looked straight into Dani’s eyes until she finally met his gaze. “Your baby, right now, is strong and healthy. Only 1% of pregnancies include a placental abruption. Bedrest is just an extra, precautionary step.” Dani looked away, but was calmer. “Want to know the sex of your baby now?”</p>
<p>The couple exchanged a look and knew they were on the same page right away. Jamie chuckled, “One of our older ones is convinced we’re having a girl. She asks everyday if we know yet. So please, we beg of you, put us out of our misery.”</p>
<p>“She must be very intuitive because she’s right,” Dr. Isaacs said. He picked up Dani’s chart and said goodbye.</p>
<p>Jamie took a deep breath and let it out. Her hand squeezed Dani’s. “It’s going to be okay. I’ll see if Ellie can help in the shop and maybe your mum can help with the kids for a bit.”</p>
<p>“What about the next four and a half months?” Dani asked.</p>
<p>“We don’t know it’s going to be that long yet,” Jamie said. She brushed her palm over the side of Dani’s cheek until she looked at her. “One day at a time.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Chapter 19</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for the comments and the love, as always! Hope you enjoy this chapter :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dani’s first day on bedrest was mind numbing for her. She finished two books, ate so many snacks, and got in more arguments with her mom than she could possibly count. It was a breath of fresh air when her mom said goodnight as Jamie walked in with the kids.</p>
<p>She knew they got home because there was a barrage of yelling, slamming doors and running footsteps. The chaos of it calmed her. Dani knew she was supposed to be relaxing, but after everything she had been through, something about relaxing put her on edge. It was like that last night before everything got bad at Bly: a perfectly splendid quiet before the storm. Now, the noise reminded her of all the life pulsing around her.</p>
<p>The door to her bedroom flew open and the kids bombarded her with hellos. Flora jumped straight onto the bed and curled up against Dani’s side while Miles took a seat on the foot of the bed, crossing his legs under him. Jamie was only a few steps behind them with an armful of plastic bags.</p>
<p>“Hey, hey, hey,” Jamie scolded. “Told you gremlins not to come running in here all rampant like that.”</p>
<p>Dani laughed as she planted a kiss on top of Flora’s head. “What is all this?”</p>
<p>Jamie set the bags on the bed and started to pull out cartons of Chinese food. She handed chopsticks to everyone. “We missed you and thought maybe Poppins would like some company.”</p>
<p>“We got your favorite,” Flora said. She picked up the broccoli beef container and held it out to Dani.</p>
<p>“Aw,” Dani said and took the container. She started to eat immediately. “How was school today?”</p>
<p>Miles swallowed his mouthful of chow mein and made a face. “Had a pop quiz in science. Why does English never have tests? I would pass those so easily.”</p>
<p>“You don’t learn as well if it’s easy,” Jamie said. She sent him a pointed glance as she reached into the chow mein container for a bite. “You been keeping up on your science homework?”</p>
<p>“I’m trying, there’s just so much of it.” Miles took the chicken from Jamie’s hand and she let out a cry of protest. “I spend all day at school and then all night doing homework. It’s not fair. Can’t you just homeschool me?”</p>
<p>Dani huffed, “I love you, buddy, but absolutely not.”</p>
<p>“Stop hogging the chicken, Miles,” Flora cried. She dove across the bed to angle for a bite and knocked Miles’s arm.</p>
<p>“Watch it,” Jamie cried. “If you spill food on the bed, you’re the ones doing the laundry. These kids.” She shook her head and shared a laugh with her wife. </p>
<p>They spent the whole night together, piled in Jamie’s and Dani’s bed. Once dinner was done, Miles retrieved his and Flora’s backpacks and the two started their homework, snuggled between their parents. At some point, the two nodded off right where they sat.</p>
<p>“Do we wake them so they can go to their rooms?” Dani whispered across the bed to her wife.</p>
<p>“Not yet,” Jamie said. “They’re getting older. Pretty soon they’ll be too big for this.”</p>
<p>“For the bed or to hang out with their parents?” Dani asked.</p>
<p>“Both,” Jamie whispered. She reached over the top of them and took her wife’s hand. “It’s going to be okay. You hear? We’ve been through too much just to get to this point. So, it’s going to be okay. It has to be.”</p>
<p>Dani leaned her head back against the bed frame. “I’m so scared.” </p>
<p>“We’ll have answers tomorrow,” Jamie promised.</p>
<p>After a few hours, Dani started to doze off despite the fact she was balled up in the corner of her bed with Miles pressed into her side. Jamie whispered it was probably time to move them or else neither of them would sleep. The au pair gently shook Miles while the gardener shook Flora. He had always been a deep sleeper, and it wasn’t surprising that Flora stirred first.</p>
<p>The young girl opened her round eyes with a start and glanced around the room to gather her surroundings. Jamie whispered a few assurances and Flora settled back down. Through the darkness, Dani was just far enough away she couldn’t make out the girl well, but she could hear her just fine.</p>
<p>“She’s going to be fine, you know,” Flora whispered. She pushed herself into a seating position and leaned against the headboard. “The baby. She’s got a lot of life to live, so she’ll be fine.”</p>
<p>“What are you talking about?” Dani asked. Through her exhaustion, she didn’t put together for another couple of moments what Flora was referring to. “Your dreams?”</p>
<p>“Yes, my dreams,” Flora said. </p>
<p>Jamie rolled over and into a sitting position as well. “Can you tell us about them, little one?”</p>
<p>There was silence for a time. Then, Flora spoke. “I suppose ‘dream’ isn’t the right name, but I’m not really sure what is. They’re not jumbled puzzle pieces that fall into each other in choppy ways. It’s more like a memory, I guess. Only it hasn’t happened yet, but it feels like it has. It feels so real that I just know it’s coming.”</p>
<p>“What kinds of things do you see?” Dani asked.</p>
<p>“All kinds of things,” Flora continued. “Sometimes it’s just dinner the next day. Sometimes it’s something from when I’m older. I had a dream about me at work in an office, once. Every once in a while, it’s about someone else, but only as they connect to me. There’s no dreams about the baby’s future. Just fragments of my future where my sister is there. Does that make sense?”</p>
<p>“You ever see scary things in these dreams?” Jamie asked.</p>
<p>Another long silence from Flora. “A few. But, I don’t think I’m supposed to tell you about what’s in them specifically. If you know, you might make a different choice than you would if you didn’t. So, I think I’m supposed to keep the details to myself, if you don’t mind.”</p>
<p>“Alright,” Dani said. “Well, promise you’ll tell us if something really bad shows up, okay?”</p>
<p>Flora let out a loud sigh, almost dramatic in nature. “I’m sorry, mum, but I just can’t do that.” Then, she started to shake Miles until he woke up. “We have to go to our rooms, now,” she said to him. The two of them stumbled through the darkness together, Mile closing the door on his way out.</p>
<p>“Okay, then,” Jamie whispered into the darkness.</p>
<p>Dani ran her hands over her whole face. “Fuck.” She groaned. “I don’t know what to do with that.”</p>
<p>“Probably all that fucking dream hopping,” Jamie huffed. She pulled herself across the bed until she could finally reach her wife. “Do we just let it be and hope she tells us if it’s bad?”</p>
<p>“She’s not gonna tell us,” Dani shook her head.</p>
<p>“No, she isn’t,” Jamie agreed under her breath. “So, then what do we do?”</p>
<p>Dani grabbed her wife’s hand and squeezed. “Keep her in therapy?”</p>
<p>Neither were too happy with that conclusion and neither slept well that night. The next morning wasn’t any easier, but Dani was grateful the appointment was first thing in the morning. She didn’t think she could take waiting the whole day.</p>
<p>Jamie pulled up in front of the doctor’s office and turned off the car. They both sat there, still, staring straight ahead. All kinds of scenarios rushed through Dani’s head. It was everything that could go right, and wrong. A shaking took over her hands and she curled her fists up to try to steady herself.</p>
<p>“Jamie, what if–,” Dani started.</p>
<p>“We’re not talking about that yet,” Jamie said. “Nothing productive about ‘what ifs’. No matter how much we over think, we can’t prepare ourselves for what we don’t know is going to happen.”</p>
<p>Dani nodded and took a deep breath. “You ready?”</p>
<p>“No,” Jamie muttered. “You?”</p>
<p>“No,” Dani agreed. They both chuckled to themselves and stepped out of the car. They were the only ones in the waiting room and it was only a minute before the nurse took them back. On the exam table, Dani tried to take a deep breath to steady herself, but it didn’t work. She took more and more, but none of it was easing her anxiety.</p>
<p>“Careful, Poppins,” Jamie said. “You’re gonna start hyperventilating.” Dani slowed herself.</p>
<p>Dr. Lancaster knocked on the door and entered. She greeted the both of them and then sat down on a rolling stool. “So, it sounds like you had a trip to the ER recently.” </p>
<p>“Yeah, on Wednesday,” Dani said. “I was having some pain that turned into cramps after a while.”</p>
<p>“The ER doctor said it could be placental abruption,” Jamie said.</p>
<p>Dr. Lancaster nodded, “It’s a bit early for that and you don’t have any predispositions for it. Of course, it’s still possible, so I’ll take a look.” She pulled out the gel and Dani instinctively pulled her shirt up. It didn’t take long for the image to load onto the screen. The heart beat passed through the room and Dani’s heart beat slowed in relief at the sound even though it didn’t change anything. “Everything is still looking good. I’m not seeing anything of concern as of now.”</p>
<p>“So everything’s okay?” Jamie asked.</p>
<p>“I don’t want to promise anything, because a lot can change in a pregnancy as it progresses, but I don’t think you have cause for concern right now.” Dr. Lancaster still waved the wand around and reviewed the image as she talked.</p>
<p>Dani let out a deep breath. “What about the pain?”</p>
<p>“That’s hard,” Dr. Lancaster sighed and turned off the machine. “It could be a sign that something else is going on and it could be a fluke incident. If it happens again, we’ll run some tests and try to figure it out. Let’s just start by having you come back in two weeks instead of four, sooner if it happens again.”</p>
<p>“Do you want me on bedrest?” Dani asked.</p>
<p>The doctor thought for a moment. “I think full bedrest is unnecessary at this point, even partial bed rest feels a bit over the top. With that being said, don’t lift anything heavy. Try not to stand for long periods of time or walk for long periods of time. Definitely don’t work out or do anything too strenuous on the body. Avoid spicy foods, or potential trauma to the uterus like bumping into things too hard. Things like that.”</p>
<p>“So, we’re good,” Dani said. She looked at Jamie who nodded and smiled.</p>
<p>“We’re good,” Jamie said.</p>
<p>In the car, Dani finally let out the tears she had been holding back, too afraid to cry. “She’s okay.”</p>
<p>Jamie picked up her wife’s hand and kissed it. “She’s okay.” </p>
<p>At home, Dani wandered back into the house while Jamie drove off to the shop. She put on some music, made herself some tea, and tried to sit down with a book. The baby started to kick a bit and it pulled her attention. She pressed her hand against her belly and felt the kick, savored it.</p>
<p>Dani’s book fell, forgotten, from her lap. Her mind danced to the day the baby would be born, how amazing that would be. A smile spread across her face at the thought of Jamie holding the baby for the first time. She was meant to be a mom, Jamie, even if she would have sworn it off five years ago. Dani remembered the smile that had plastered across Jamie’s face when she carried Flora from in front of the fireplace that night they all stayed in the house together.</p>
<p>Then, she found herself thinking about names. Her and Jamie hadn’t talked about names yet. They kept saying they would wait until the time was right and they would know it when they heard it. Neither really knew when the ‘right time’ was, but for the first time, Dani couldn’t stop hearing lists of names travel through her head.</p>
<p>Dani tucked herself away in her library for the day. She pulled books from the shelves, paged through them looking at names, and bookmarked the ones she liked with sticky notes. Two hours later and she resurfaced, feeling a pang of hunger. </p>
<p>The phone rang while she ate goldfish by the handful (it was an argument in their house– Dani and Miles believed goldfish should be eaten by as many can be stuffed in the mouth at once while Jamie and Flora thought it was better individually). Dani answered through a mouthful of crackers.</p>
<p>“What are you eating?” Owen asked on the other end.</p>
<p>She paused and then swallowed. “Goldfish.”</p>
<p>“You insult me,” Owen said.</p>
<p>Dani laughed, “I didn’t really have time for a whole charcuterie board.”</p>
<p>They talked about life for a bit. Dani told him about the past few days of doctor’s visits– the psychologist, the ER, and the OB/GYN. </p>
<p>“So, it’s decided then,” Owen said.</p>
<p>“What?” Dani asked.</p>
<p>“It’s time for me to re-open my pop-up restaurant, Perfectea Splendid. Opening night, two days. Or, whenever I can get a flight.”</p>
<p>Dani shook her head, “Oh, no, Owen, you don’t have to–.”</p>
<p>“I am,” Owen said. “Jamie’s great and all, but you two are probably going to need help. Besides, Miles has been begging for me to come.”</p>
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<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Chapter 20</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi everyone! I'm still here! I had a rushed knee surgery and just haven't been able to update the chapters the way I was hoping to be able to. Thank you for your patience!</p><p>Also my twitter account got locked and I'm not sure I'll be able to get it back so in case I can't, you should follow me on my backup: @mini_stana</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Owen, as promised, arrived only a few days later and slipped into a routine with the family not long after that. Everyone was glad for his presence. He drove the kids to and from school most days, cooked most meals, and helped Jamie out in the store when there were big shipments or big deliveries. Most of his day was spent on the phone with his restaurant doing work from the island in the kitchen.</p><p>Considerable progress was made convincing Owen to open up a restaurant in the states, but Montpelier wasn’t the most up and coming spot. He played around with the idea of New York City which, while in the states, was almost six hours away. He said he didn’t want to be in the US and not be close to them. The idea of Montreal was thrown out by Miles and something about it caught Owen’s attention. That city was only two hours away and they spoke French– albeit it was Canadian French. It generally stayed as a hypothetical, though Dani did catch him on the phone with a real estate agent trying to get a feel for the property market in the city.</p><p>“How was the phone call?” Dani teased from across the dinner table as she sipped her iced tea. Owen choked a bit on his bite of garlic bread.</p><p>“What phone call?” Jamie asked. </p><p>“Uh,” Owen said, he narrowed his eyes at Dani. She raised her eyebrows and gave an innocent shrug of a shoulder. “Well, I just thought I would call around and get a feel for the dining scene in Montreal.”</p><p>A grin spread all the way across Miles’s face. “Are you going to stay, then?”</p><p>The cook cleared his throat and wiped his face with a cloth napkin. Once it was secure in his lap again he held one hand in the air. “Now, nothing has been decided yet. But, I could probably be persuaded to take a short trip up there to see it in person.” Miles was overjoyed by the idea and began to process the schedule for the coming weeks. Flora sat, silent. Owen tried to send her a look over the table, even tossed in some eyebrow-worm action. The most she could spare was a small smile before she returned to picking at the food on the plate below her.</p><p>Dani caught on to Owen’s attempt to retrieve Flora from wherever she had floated off to. Her wife, in typical Jamie fashion, was far too distracted with her garlic bread to even be present much in the conversation. “Flora?” Dani asked. They were sitting next to each other and she talk too loud to catch the girl’s attention. “Can you eat something please?”</p><p>“Oh, sorry,” Flora blinked fast. She perked up in her seat and took a bite. “I was just a bit distracted is all.” Despite the fact she was now eating, the young girl was still far away somewhere.</p><p>The first thing to really pull her from her trance was the phone ringing. She jumped and her fork clamored out of her hand. It surprised everyone at the table. Jamie was midbite with the garlic bread. Dani’s eyes widened as she glanced back and forth between her daughter and the ringing phone. Owen and Miles stared across the table at Flora as if smoke had just started pouring from her ears.</p><p>She glanced around the table at all the pairs of eyes staring at her and she forced an awkward chuckle. “Just, took me by surprise is all.” </p><p>“Alright, then,” Jamie drawled. She wiped her hands on the napkin and stood. “I’ll just get the phone then, since no one else seems particularly interested in getting it.” With the gardener’s back to the table, she didn’t see Flora’s eyes follow her every step to the phone. She didn’t see Flora’s chest begin to heave. The others caught all of it. Dani’s hands began to wring the end of her shirt until her knuckles turned white, expectant. She wasn’t sure what she was waiting for, but something about Flora’s energy made her stomach twist.</p><p>Jamie answered the phone. She greeted her brother Denny and casually set herself against the wall behind her. There was a bit of light chatter for a moment until she checked her watch and questioned his being awake so late. That’s when a silence passed. That’s when Jamie’s face fell, paled and her breath caught in her throat. She muttered a quiet thank you and goodbye before hanging the phone up.</p><p>“Jamie?” Dani said. She pushed her chair back and walked to her wife. The house was silent. No forks scratched against plates. No cups clattered against coasters. Silent. Dani set a hand on her wife’s arm. “What happened?”</p><p>In a sudden movement, Jamie flung herself at the table. She set her hands down on it and leaned over the top of them until she was leering over Flora. “Did you know?” Jamie cried. Flora’s eyes widened and she fervently shook her head. “You jumped when the phone rang. You knew and if you had told me, I could have stopped it.”</p><p>“I didn’t, I promise I didn’t,” Flora cried. Heavy tears rolled down her face and her shoulders began to shake as she cried. Over the past few years, Dani had seen Flora cry, but never like this. This wasn’t sadness or shame or pain. This was fear. Flora was sobbing out of fear. Not even when the Lady in the Lake tried to carry her off did she cry like this. “All I knew was that there was going to be a really bad phone call for you. That was it.”</p><p>“Why didn’t you tell me?” Jamie yelled. “I could have called him just to be safe. You should have told me.”</p><p>“Enough!” Dani screamed. Everyone stopped and looked at her. Her face was red and flushed. She slid a hand around Jamie’s shoulder and pulled her back from the table. The interruption shocked Jamie into silence. “What the hell, Jamie?”</p><p>It clicked for Jamie, her reaction. She glanced between Flora and Dani for a second as all the anger slipped from her face. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered to her daughter. “Flora, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have–.”</p><p>The young girl pushed herself away from the table and ran up the stairs. Owen nodded her way and followed while Miles stayed put, unsure what to do. Jamie collapsed into one of the chairs and set her face in her hands.</p><p>Muffled by her fingers, she said, “Mikey is dead.” Dani sighed and dropped into the chair next to her wife. “He overdosed.”</p><p>“Oh, Jamie,” Dani said. She rubbed her wife’s back with one hand and looked up at the stairs. </p><p>“And now I’ve completely traumatized poor Flora.” Jamie groaned and sat up straight, returning her hands to her lap. “I shouldn’t have talked to her like that.”</p><p>“She’ll be okay,” Miles said. “That’s not who you are and she knows that. Just give her some time to recover from the sting of it and she’ll remember.”</p><p>Jamie nodded and chewed her lip. “Thank you, sweetheart.”</p><p>Miles looked down in his lap and scrunched his eyebrows together. “I’m sorry. About Uncle Mikey, I’m sorry. I know you were really protective of him.”</p><p>“Thank you,” Jamie said. She reached across the table and squeezed his hand. “Thank you.” </p><p>He stood and pointed at the stairs. “I’m gonna go check on her. Let me know if you need anything.”</p><p>Both women nodded and when he disappeared, Dani pulled Jamie into her. She just held her, quiet, for the better part of ten minutes while Jamie sobbed into her shoulder.</p><p>Something about their family being so fractured caused Denny and their dad to decide not to hold a memorial service. Mikey didn’t have many friends and they thought it would just be easier to scatter his ashes somewhere he enjoyed. Denny insisted that Mikey wouldn’t have wanted a big show of it, anyway. Jamie strongly disagreed and, after numerous arguments over the phone about it, she finally gave up and stopped answering their calls.</p><p>At first, Dani thought Jamie just needed some space to process. She went back to the shop the next day to help out. She wasn’t fully in the clear for any pregnancy complications, but no one found any problem with her doing light work and customer service. Between Jamie’s grief, and Dani’s pregnancy, they were able to meld together to keep the shop running smoothly.</p><p>That is, until Jamie started taking longer and longer coming back from deliveries. Sometimes she would leave at ten in the morning and not come back until almost three when Dani knew very well it shouldn’t have taken longer than an hour and a half. The first time it happened, Jamie said she just needed to drive around to clear her head. The second time, she said she had taken a walk. The third time, she came back smelling like beer, but got upset when Dani brought it up.  Even so, Dani refused to let her work in the store and made Jamie go home.</p><p>She sat there, behind the counter, staring at a lackluster collection of lilies she was trying to salvage into an arrangement. The flowers hadn’t been tended to much lately and whenever she so much as took a watering can to them, they started to keel over. A conversation from the day prior couldn’t stop playing in her mind.</p><p>Flora had an appointment with Theo. It was sooner than normal. Usually they went every two weeks, but after what happened with Jamie, both Owen and Dani thought it wise to schedule sooner. When the session finished and Dani stood to meet Flora, Theo pulled the woman aside. She glanced over Dani’s shoulder at the young girl and, when she was sure Flora was out of earshot, she whispered, “I can’t say much, but… suicides cluster in families.”</p><p>The words stung Dani to her core. She felt them, even now, rejuvenated by the smell of beer on her wife. As Theo whispered those words, it had weight. She could have been referring to anyone in the family, could have been sharing a statistic to encourage Dani to be aware. But something in Dani knew– Theo was talking about Jamie because Flora had a dream.</p><p>The sound of the bell rang through and snapped Dani’s attention back to the present. She glanced over the countertop and almost scoffed at the timing of the universe.</p><p>Dani’s eyes made contact with the customer and she pursed her lips. “I thought I told you not to come back.”</p><p>Mrs. O’Mara pushed the strap of her purse higher up on her shoulder. “You– you did.” </p><p>“Then, if it’s flowers you’re looking for, I’d suggest trying the yellow pages,” Dani said. She clipped the bottom of a lilly and dropped it into the vase.</p><p>“I was hoping to talk to you,” Mrs. O’Mara said. A wave of exhaustion drowned Dani. She didn’t know how much more she could possibly take. Her mind battled with her own worries about her wife, she didn’t need this on top of it. The exhaustion writhed in her and she knew she had little patience for this conversation.</p><p>Dani scoffed. “You lost that privilege when you slapped my wife.”</p><p>A small smile passed over Mrs. O’Mara’s lips. It was a mixture of hope and desperation. “Wife? You’re married?” Dani raised her eyebrows and made a show of focusing on her task. A thought at the back of her mind asked herself how much longer she would have a wife, but she pushed it away. “Look, I want to apologize. I treated you so horribly and I just want you to know that it was a projection of my grief, and not actually how I feel.”</p><p>Dani cleared her throat and dropped the shears onto the table. “It doesn’t matter what was behind it, what matters is how you acted. And how you acted can’t be erased.”</p><p>“You know, if Edmund was still here, he would have forgiven you. I know he would have and I know he would have wanted to stay best friends.”</p><p>The thought of that caused a dull pain to reverberate through Dani’s chest. When they were together and she wondered what it would be like to tell him she was a lesbain, she always hoped that’s how it would have worked out. He would be upset, but after he took a little time to heal, they would have continued as best friends. Tears jumped into her eyes and she desperately tried to blink them away. “He never would have slapped Jamie, even if he didn’t forgive me.”</p><p>Mrs. O’Mara nodded, “That is one of my biggest regrets.” She took a deep breath and walked up to the counter. “Please, Dani. I miss you. We all miss you.”</p><p>Dani stared at the flowers in front of her and chewed on her lip. Finally, she said, “Even if I did forgive you, I don’t know if I could ever trust you again.”</p><p>The words made Mrs. O’Mara stare forlornly at the counter top. “I understand. Please know, if you ever need anything, I’m still here for you.”</p><p>The words caused tears to spring into the back of her eyes. The past few days– years if she was being honest– had been so heavy. Mrs. O’Mara always had a way of sharing a feeling of comfort with Dani when she was struggling the most, even if Mrs. O’Mara didn’t know it.</p><p>Dani sat quietly for a moment. She had missed Mrs. O’Mara. What her mother lacked, Mrs. O’Mara offered. It was a relationship she had grieved for years, but refused to let herself dwell too much on. Now, the feeling of loneliness crept inside of her. She missed her weekly coffee dates with the older woman, missed Wednesday night dinners, and Holidays with her. But, that was all in a different lifetime and Dani wasn’t sure it fit into her new world anymore. </p><p>The hardest part for Dani, which she hadn’t thought about before but now couldn’t shake off, was that she had always imagined Mrs. O’Mara’s presence in her children’s lives. She could pretend it was because she had been with Edmund, but their families had been so interwoven for so long, Dani knew that Mrs. O’Mara would have been a constant even if she and Edmund were never together. None of that meant she necessarily wanted it now, but grief has a way of making old feelings feel present.</p><p>So, Dani made a very calculated decision. She stood up from the stool. The counter and the arrangement had blocked from view her pregnant belly and as soon she stood, Mrs. O’Mara couldn’t keep her eyes from it. </p><p>“You’re pregnant,” she whispered. Tears glistened in her eyes as she returned her gaze to Dani’s face. “That’s incredible. Is it your first?”</p><p>“Third,” Dani said. That clearly confused Mrs. O’Mara, but she didn’t have the energy to explain her family dynamics to someone she was hesitant to let back into her life. She took a deep breath. “Look, there’s just a lot going on right now in my life. I just need some time. I don’t know how much, but I need it. I’ll call you, okay?”</p><p>Mrs. O’Mara nodded once, then let herself out of the shop. Dani cleared her throat and dabbed the corner of her eyes with her finger. She didn’t know what she wanted or where to go from here. The woman had clearly crossed some serious lines. Not only was she hateful about Dani’s relationship with Jamie, she had gone as far as to slap Jamie over it.</p><p>Dani busied herself with another arrangement, but her mind kept returning to Mrs. O’Mara. No part of the woman seemed conflicted about Dani’s relationship now. There was no hint of hate, disdain, or disgust. In fact, Mrs. O’Mara seemed overjoyed at the idea that Dani was happy. And, when the thought crossed Dani’s mind, it settled in her gut as the truth she knew Mrs. O’Mara felt: it could have been anyone, and she would have reacted the same way. Dani could have brought home Owen and Mrs. O’Mara would have slapped him just as she had slapped Jamie. Because she was right, it was grief that made her blame whoever Dani was with for Edmund’s death. In her pain, Dani’s new relationship was twisted into the reason Edmund had stepped out of that car. </p><p>At the thought, her gaze lifted to the window even though the woman was long gone. The realization caused a flood of forgiveness to pour through her. She remembered all the ways grief had recreated itself into her life. She remembered how much she had hurt Jamie along the way with it and she remembered how Jamie forgave her even when she didn’t have to.</p><p>Her mind flitted between Mrs. O’Mara and Jamie for the last hour in the shop. There was so much for her to weed through and yet she didn’t even know where to start– or how to start for that matter. A nice, long bath felt like a good place, though, and as she walked into the house all she could think about was running the hot water.</p><p>“Jamie didn’t come with you?” Owen asked. He stood over the oven and looked over Dani’s shoulder to be sure the door was closed.</p><p>“What do you mean?” Dani asked. She spun on her heel and looked at the hooks next to the door to the garage. Sure enough, Jamie’s things were not there. “Didn’t she come home a couple of hours ago?”</p><p>Owen shook his head. “I haven’t seen her and I was done with the shopping at noon.” He paused, and took in Dani’s face as her features descended into concern. “Is everything okay?”</p><p>Dani slowly shook her head no. “I don’t… I don’t think it is.” She dropped onto a bar stool. “She’s been flaking on the shop lately. And, and today she came back from the deliveries drunk.” </p><p>“Fuck,” Owen whispered. He turned off the stovetop and pushed the pot from the hot burner. “Do we go look for her?”</p><p>The kids emerged from the family room and joined the two adults at the island counter. Miles leaned over the top of it and started to dig through the fruit bowl, returning with a green apple. Flora hopped up onto the stool beside Dani.</p><p>“What’s going on?” Flora asked.</p><p>Dani froze. Everything in her told her not to do what she was about to do, but she was desperate. She turned to Flora and, with her voice low and calm, she said, “Flora, honey, do you know anything about your mom? Do you know where she is?”</p><p>Flora held Dani’s gaze, but her eyes flinched a little. “Mum, you know I can’t say anything.”</p><p>Miles cleared his throat and returned the apple to the bowl before he even took a bite. Instead, he focused his gaze on the counter top. “Tell her.”</p><p>“I can’t,” Flora cried and turned her stare onto her brother. “You know I can’t.”</p><p>“Just tell her the last part,” Miles insisted.</p><p>Owen caught Dani’s attention, “Is this the dream thing?” All she could offer was a single nod before she refocused on Flora.</p><p>Flora whipped her gaze back around to Dani. “I can’t say anything. But, I guess I can tell you, you’re supposed to go looking for her. You two just have to go separate.”</p>
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<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Chapter 21</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: Drugs, overdose</p>
<p>THANK YOU SO MUCH for waiting so long for this. It wasn't coming out right at all. I cannot tell you how many times this chapter was written and rewritten because it was wrong. Thank you Becs for helping me finally get this right. I also added one extra chapter so expect two more installments with the second being the epilogue. I won't wait long to post them. </p>
<p>Chapter 22: Saturday</p>
<p>Epilogue: Monday</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Owen dropped the phone back onto its hook and immediately grabbed his keys next to the door. His face hung low and his eyes stayed on the ground beneath him. Dani sat at the countertop. Every feeling she could possibly have was writhing inside of her. Her arms shook as she pressed her hands into prayer formation and rested her forehead against them. Religion was never too present in Dani’s life and she certainly wasn’t praying now, but she wondered if that’s what she should be doing right now. </p>
<p>Jamie was missing. She could be on a nature walk reconnecting with herself inside her grief. Maybe she was seeing a movie or maybe she was on a long drive. Or, as Dani feared and felt in her gut to be true, she wasn’t in a safe situation. That could mean just about anything and, of course, Dani’s mind created the worst of the worst stories.</p>
<p>“She’s not with Ellie,” Owen informed. </p>
<p>It wasn’t surprising. Dani figured the last place Jamie would go is to someone who would call her right away, but her gut still sank. Whatever piece of hope hung at the back of her mind that this would all clear up quickly evaporated. She just wanted her wife to come home. </p>
<p>“Okay so what now?” Dani asked. She thought this is where she was supposed to cry but nothing was there. Her body was just cold, empty, clouded. “We go looking for her and reconvene every hour or so? That’s separate, right?” She looked over her shoulder at the kids who sat, heads bowed, on the couch.</p>
<p>“No,” Owen shook his head. “You’re very pregnant, Dani. Besides, someone needs to stay here with Miles and Flora. Ellie said she would help so I’ll call with updates.”</p>
<p>Dani sank further into her seat. She was rendered useless in this situation and that made the entire thing worse. Instead of spending her energy looking for her wife she would be spending her energy writing Jamie into a slew of horror stories. Owen left without another word and she remained in her spot at the island counter.</p>
<p>The more time that passed, the more the kids got restless. Soon, Miles and Flora started to whisper amongst themselves and then Flora stood and approached her mom.</p>
<p>“Do you want some water or some tea?” Flora asked.</p>
<p>Dani took a deep breath and forced a smile. “Some tea would be great, sweetie.” The girl nodded and went about her business. As she set the kettle on the stove top, Dani couldn’t help but think the young girl was growing up so fast. She only hoped that Jamie would be around to see it and the thought caused tears to finally jump in her eyes.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” Flora whispered. She turned back around to look at Dani from across the island. “I’m sorry I can’t do more.” Guilt pressed across her face and she wiped a tear from the side of her eye. This was eating her alive.</p>
<p>“Come here,” Dani whispered. Flora stepped around the island counter and threw herself into Dani’s arms. “You’ve done nothing wrong.”</p>
<p>Once the tea was done, Flora set it in front of her mom. Dani wrapped her hands around the mug and let the warmth comfort her despite the rising spring temperatures. It was still hot when she took the first sip but the sensation distracted her from Jamie. As she drank the tea, her eyes almost never left the kitchen phone. Any time now, she would tell herself, any time now Owen is going to call and tell her that they found Jamie, she’s okay, and they’re on their way home now.</p>
<p>The time clicked by, though, and the phone didn’t ring. An hour came and gone. Flora offered to make another cup of tea, but Dani declined. Loneliness drowned the room. There was no way for her to contact Owen or Ellie. Her mom was on a business trip to New York. She was alone, suspended in limbo until the phone rang and that felt like an impossible thing to wait for.</p>
<p>Dani lurched to her feet and grabbed the phone. Who was she going to call? She didn’t have anyone to call, but she needed to talk to someone. Her fingers started to dial a familiar number and the closer she got to the end, the higher her heart beat rose.</p>
<p>“Hello?”</p>
<p>Dani swallowed hard. She started to shake again and when she spoke, her voice was barely an octave above a whisper. “It’s Dani. I– I didn’t know who else to call.”</p>
<p>“Are you okay?”</p>
<p>Never in a million years did Dani think she would call Judy O’Mara again, especially in such a state of desperation. And yet, here she was, hoping to not feel so alone. </p>
<p>“No,” Dani said. The single word forced the building tears out. “Jamie’s missing. I’m so alone and I’m so scared. I can’t do this by myself, you know?” She remembered that day a few years ago that miraculously felt lifetimes away. The day when she told Jamie she could do this by herself, raise Miles and Flora by herself after Dani was gone. This must have been how Jamie felt at that moment. What was it she had said? ‘I don't know how to live without you.’ Dani’s gut twisted.</p>
<p>A pause. “Do you need help looking for her?”</p>
<p>It was a genuine offer backed with genuine concern. “Our friends are out looking for her. I just,” her voice cracked. “I hate sitting here doing nothing. They told me it’s too dangerous for me to go out looking by myself and we didn’t want to leave the kids alone anyway.”</p>
<p>“Why don’t I bring Carson over and he can stay with the kids while you and I go looking?” Mrs. O’Mara asked.</p>
<p>“I can’t ask you to do that,” Dani said. “It wouldn’t be fair. Not after what I said today.” If this was true, then she didn't know why she called Mrs. O'Mara in the first place. It was as if she was on a motor. A very desperate and alone motor.</p>
<p>“You said you needed time,” Mrs. O’Mara said. “You can still take it. This doesn’t change that. Let me help you tonight. You need someone.”</p>
<p>Mrs. O’Mara was right. She needed someone. Jamie had been absent for weeks now. Owen and Ellie did their best but they were busy and also friends with Jamie. It felt like a boundary she shouldn’t cross. She needed someone and tonight she wanted that someone to be Mrs. O’Mara. So, she read off the address of their house and thirty minutes later she was there with Carson.</p>
<p>Both of them blinked at Miles and Flora, no doubt a bit shocked to see two children over the age of ten staring back at them instead of two toddlers. Still, Carson said that made his job easier and the three of them went in search of board games. Mrs. O’Mara and Dani stood silently in the entranceway for a moment.</p>
<p>“Thank you,” Dani said. “There’s a lot that’s really hard to explain, so I appreciate you coming even though you don’t have all the answers.”</p>
<p>Mrs. O’Mara thought over her response for a second. “You’ve always been so pensive, Danielle. You like to think things over a million different ways before you let someone have a peek into your mind. If you want to share, you’ll do it when you’re ready. I know you will.” Dani gave an appreciative smile and then Mrs. O’Mara glanced at the watch on her wrist. “Should we get going?”</p>
<p>Dani nodded and led the way out of the house. Neither knew where to start looking or even how something like this should be done so they got into the car and just started driving. They went through neighborhoods, drove through parts of town where people bar hopped, passed parks and big empty parking lots. Dani was staring down the world around her as if she would miss Jamie’s car if she so much as even blinked.</p>
<p>For a while it was silence other than the two weighing which way they should go and where they should look. Eventually, it became obvious that they were out of ideas and had accepted driving around aimlessly with the hopes of running into Jamie. Dani could feel Mrs. O’Mara glancing over at her more and more. The silence was starting to get a bit awkward for both of them.</p>
<p>“So do you know if you’re having a boy or a girl?” Mrs. O’Mara asked.</p>
<p>“A girl,” Dani nodded. “Flora is over the moon and Miles is very disappointed.”</p>
<p>Mrs. O’Mara gripped the steering wheel with two hands and adjusted in her seat. “Can I ask, did you adopt them? Jamie doesn’t seem old enough to...”</p>
<p>“They’re adopted.” Dani cleared her throat, debating how much she wanted to share. “Jamie and I worked for their family until their uncle died. They didn’t have anyone else to go to so we took them in.”</p>
<p>“That’s very kind of you and Jamie.”</p>
<p>A warm smile passed over Dani’s face. “It’s the best thing we ever did. They saved us in a lot of ways.” Then, her smile faltered. They saved Dani from the Lady in the Lake, but they couldn’t save Jamie from her own demons and that wasn’t their job to, even if Flora had to hold the weight of whatever she saw in her dreams. “I never thought this would happen.”</p>
<p>“Has she done this before?” Mrs. O’Mara asked. She took another aimless turn, driving slow as she watched the world around her.</p>
<p>“I–,” Dani started to say no, but then remembered how Jamie disappeared for a night a couple days before their wedding. “Yeah. I guess she has.”</p>
<p>“Where did she go?”</p>
<p>Dani shook her head. “A bar, I think. I don’t know, I didn’t exactly ask a lot of questions. She came home high and I was more focused on that than anything else.”</p>
<p>“And does that happen a lot?”</p>
<p>“No,” Dani insisted. “No, it hasn’t happened since then. It was right before our wedding. Her brothers came into town and they went out together. In fact, it was the last time they saw each other and now…” Her voice trailed off as she thought about how Jamie hadn’t gotten a chance to see Mikey one last time before he died.</p>
<p>“Hmm,” Mrs. O’Mara said. “Well, maybe she went somewhere that reminded her of him or is doing something to feel close to him.”</p>
<p>A dark laugh erupted from deep inside Dani. “They weren’t that close and from what I gathered all they did together was get drunk and high in pubs.” She froze in place. Memories from the backyard barbeque rushed back to her. She was talking to her mom within earshot of Jamie and her brothers. They were talking about the Irish pub on the other end of town. Dani and Mrs. O’Mara hadn’t gone out that far yet because it was on the outskirts and Dani didn’t think Jamie had any reason to go all the way out there.</p>
<p>Mrs. O’Mara made a very quick and very illegal u-turn. Her speedometer quickly rose above the speed limit and Dani didn’t think she had ever seen her drive like this. She was thankful for it, though, because it didn’t take longer than fifteen minutes for them to pull up to the pub. </p>
<p>And, sure enough, Jamie’s car sat out front.</p>
<p>Dani ran inside as fast as her very-pregnant-self could go and Mrs. O’Mara was hot on her heels. When she burst through the front door, she scanned every table and bar stool, but Jamie was nowhere to be seen.</p>
<p>“Can I help you?” The bartender asked. He stood in front of an old man, probably a regular, drying a pint glass. Personal welcomes were not the norm for this kind of establishment so Dani was sure she was causing a scene in some way that brought his attention.</p>
<p>“I’m looking for Jamie Taylor,” Dani said. All she got were blank faces so she huffed. “She’s about my height, maybe a little shorter if she’s slouching. Brown, curly hair. Probably has dirt on her somewhere.”</p>
<p>The older man at the bar took a sip of his beer, set the glass back down, and nodded at the bathroom door. “Saw her go in there. Been a while, though. Might want to check on her and make sure she’s still upright.”</p>
<p>“Very helpful and considerate, sir,” Mrs. O’Mara snapped, sarcastically. He just shrugged and returned to his beer. Dani made toward the bathroom, but Mrs. O’Mara grabbed her arm. “Sweetie, maybe I should go first. We don’t know what we’re going to find in there.”</p>
<p>Dani brought her eyes up to Mrs. O’Mara’s. “She’s my wife. For better or for worse.” Then, she crossed the floor and pushed through the swinging door into the women’s bathroom. “Jamie?” She cried.</p>
<p>No one called back. There were three stalls in the bathroom and the room was dark, damp, and smelled terrible. Ripped up toilet paper was all over the floor. The paper towel dispenser was empty and one of the two sinks had a puddle of water beneath it. Mrs. O’Mara made a face as she stepped in.</p>
<p>Dani pushed on the first two stall doors, both of which swung open easily and proved to be completely empty.</p>
<p>“Danielle,” Mrs. O’Mara whispered. Then, she pointed one, shaking finger, at the final stall. Dani had to move slightly to her left to see what exactly she was pointing at, but, sure enough, there it was. Jamie’s foot.</p>
<p>“No,” Dani yelled. She slammed into the stall door, but it didn’t budge. She yanked on it over and over again, but it didn’t move. “Jamie, please. Please. Open the door.” But, she knew Jamie couldn’t hear her.</p>
<p>The bartender burst into the room at the sound of the screaming. He took in the scene and then caught sight of Jamie on the floor. “Oh, fuck.” Dani looked over her shoulder at him, her eyes wild with panic. “Move aside,” he said. She did as he was told and he sent his foot flying into the stall door. A cracking echoed through the room as the top hinge ripped off and the door dangled in place. Dani slipped in past him.</p>
<p>Jamie was lying on her stomach next to the toilet. Vomit floated in the water and a small bag left with nothing but a thin white residue sat on the ground next to her.</p>
<p>“Jamie,” Dani sobbed. “Please, I can’t do this again. Don’t do this to me again.” A cold bathroom floor may be very different than a wet grassy lawn in England, but to Dani it looked exactly the same. Jamie was next to dead in front of her. Again.</p>
<p>The bartender dropped on his knees next to Jamie and gently rolled her onto her side in the recovery position. He pressed two fingers against her neck. “She’s alive.” Dani gasped out in relief and extended her hand to Jamie’s cold, clammy one. “I’ll call 911. Stay here and monitor her. Make sure she stays in this position.”</p>
<p>“Yes,” Mrs. O’Mara said, because Dani couldn’t. She dropped down beside Dani and placed a gentle hand on her back. “It’s going to be okay. She’s still alive.”</p>
<p>“Please stay with me,” Dani whispered to Jamie. “Don’t go. Please.”</p>
<p>A small, quiet cough escaped Jamie. Her eyes fluttered open but only a slit and they rolled around the room. “Dani?” She gasped. Her voice was dry, cracking. She lifted one hand and extended it toward her wife, but she was too weak and it collapsed back to the ground. “Dani, I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>“No, don’t say that.” Dani shook her head. “You can say that to me when you get out of the hospital. Don’t you dare say that right now.”</p>
<p>“I don’t,” Jamie winced and swallowed. Her eyes closed again. “I don’t want to die.” Her breathing slowed again as she slipped back into unconsciousness.</p>
<p>Dani raised Jamie’s hand to her face and pressed it against her. Every minute that passed was excruciating. It was another minute without an ambulance. Another minute that Jamie had to fight. Mrs. O’Mara sat quietly next to Dani. When the paramedics arrived, they were surprised Jamie had lasted as long as she had. They said they would do what they can, but it would be touch and go. </p>
<p>Owen and Ellie showed up at the hospital not long after Mrs. O’Mara managed to get a message to them through Carson. She offered to leave the three of them alone and go check in with everyone back at the house, but the look Dani sent her was clear enough: don’t go.</p>
<p>All four of them decided it was best that Miles and Flora stay at home until the doctors had more information. The only update the nurse could give them was that they were ‘currently undergoing life saving treatments’ and that it was ‘too early to know if they are working’. The police stopped by briefly to ask questions. They had talked to the bartender and pieced together what dealer Jamie bought from. It was bad cocaine, they explained, laced with something dangerous. There was a string of overdoses connected to it and for that reason, they would not be pressing charges. They gave Dani their well-wishes and said they would follow up with the doctors themselves at a later point.</p>
<p>“They didn’t say if the others survived or not,” Dani whimpered.</p>
<p>“Maybe they can’t because of the investigation,” Owen suggested.</p>
<p>Dani looked down at her hands in her lap. “They would tell me if I didn’t need to worry.”</p>
<p>Ellie shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know, Dani. There’s so many variables they can’t account for. One person’s situation probably won’t mirror the next. I don’t think anyone can predict what’s going to happen.” She gave Dani a weak punch to the arm. “Besides, Jamie’s the most stubborn person I know. She won’t stop fighting.”</p>
<p>“What if she’s not fighting to live?” Dani asked, thinking back to the warning Theo had given her. She pressed a hand against her stomach as a wave of nausea overtook her.</p>
<p>“Whatever happens, if things go south,” Owen’s voice cracked and he rubbed his hand over his thigh, “if they don’t, I’ll stick around. I’ll help with the kids and the baby. The restaurant has a full staff, they’ll get along without me.”</p>
<p>Ellie nodded. “Yeah, and I can work in the store. Some of my employees want more hours anyway. I can bring them over to help.”</p>
<p>Dani looked up at Mrs. O’Mara with wide eyes. Tears collected in the corner and they almost danced as more built up. “You too?”</p>
<p>“If that’s what you want, then yes. I will be there everyday if you need.” Mrs. O’Mara gripped Dani’s hand and squeezed. “Whatever you need. I’ll be there.”</p>
<p>Just as Dani started to breathe a sigh of relief, a doctor in a white coat and a woman in jeans and a blouse approached them. Whatever oxygen she was attempting to take in to calm her froze in her throat and her heart skipped a beat.</p>
<p>The doctor, a tall man with a clean beard and a clipboard in his hand nodded at Owen. “You must be Danny.” The woman next to him squeaked a bit as her mouth dropped open and she glanced at her colleague. “Your wife–.”</p>
<p>Owen waved a hand and tried to stifle the humorous smile on his face. “I’m not married to Jamie.”</p>
<p>“Oh,” the doctor looked over the group of adults. “Then who here is family?”</p>
<p>“We’re all family,” Owen assured, then pointed at Dani. “But she’s the one you’re looking for.”</p>
<p>The doctor’s face went red. “I see, my apologies. I didn’t mean–.”</p>
<p>“Would you like to go somewhere private?” The woman interrupted, holding Dani’s gaze.</p>
<p>“It’s okay,” Dani shook her head. “How’s Jamie?”</p>
<p>“Fine,” the doctor said and offered a comforting smile. “She’s awake, she’s lucid, and she’s going to be just fine.”</p>
<p>For the first time all day Dani felt calm pass through her. The clenching in her gut released. Her heart slowed down closer to normal. Even her tears began to dry up. “She’s fine,” Dani repeated as if she needed to taste the words on her own tongue to fully soak them in.</p>
<p>“My name is Maria,” the woman said. “I’m an addiction specialist, usually called in to assess overdose patients and make formal recommendations about ongoing treatment. I have to admit that Jamie is a tough case.”</p>
<p>“Sounds like her,” Ellie chuckled.</p>
<p>Maria paused for a moment, considering her words. She glanced around at the whole group again then landed back on Dani. “Two weeks of recreational usage doesn’t necessarily meet the qualifications for addiction, but–.”</p>
<p>Dani’s eyebrows shot up her forehead. “Two weeks?!” She looked at Owen and Ellie to her left. “I thought this was just once.”</p>
<p>“That’s what I thought, too,” Owen insisted and Ellie nodded in agreement.</p>
<p>“Well, according to Jamie this has been going on since her brother died.” Maria offered out a few pamphlets to Dani. “Due to her history, I think she’s going to need to enter a treatment program, if brief.”</p>
<p>Dani’s mind went blank and mushy. ‘Two weeks’ kept floating through her mind over and over again. She was mad at Jamie for hiding it and she was mad at herself for missing it.</p>
<p>The room was silent. No nurses or doctors bustled around Jamie’s bed. The gardener sat with her head hanging low and a single tear on her cheek. Dani’s back was against the door. It was the closest she could get. She was still angry, and sad, and terrified, and empty. Even from ten feet, though, she could see that Jamie was pale. Her eyes were bloodshot and the skin around them was a deep red. Her hairline was clammy with beads of sweat collecting.</p>
<p>“I’m so glad you’re okay,” Dani finally said. “You scared the hell out of me.”</p>
<p>“I’m so sorry, Dani.” Jamie’s voice shook, but she still didn’t make eye contact. </p>
<p>Dani covered her face with her hands and then pushed her hair over the top of her head. “Why?”</p>
<p>“Why does anyone self-destruct?” Jamie said. Her eyebrows hung low and her eyes were wide. “It’s the only thing that hurts more than the pain inside us. I thought it would help me feel closer to Mikey. I never meant for this to happen.”</p>
<p>“Are you sure?” Dani asked. Jamie finally looked her wife in the eye. And that was the only answer either one needed. Dani sucked in a deep, pained breath as she pressed her head against the door.</p>
<p>Jamie sniffed. “Look, if you want your space I get it. I can move out—.”</p>
<p>“Are you kidding? I can’t live without you,” Dani cried. “Why do you think this has been torture for me?” She paused and then pulled out the pamphlet Maria had given her. Apparently, the idea of treatment was better coming from her. “I can’t live without you, but I can’t let you come home unless you’re getting help.”</p>
<p>Jamie readjusted her place on the bed and shook her head. “Uh-uh. No, Dani—.”</p>
<p>“Yes.”</p>
<p>“I don’t need help.”</p>
<p>“You do.”</p>
<p>“It’s not going to happen again—.”</p>
<p>“That’s what you said last time.” As Dani said this, her eyebrows raised and she stood up straight. Jamie went silent and watched her wife intently. “It’s just a partial hospitalization program in town. You go during the day and come home at night.”</p>
<p>Jamie sat quietly as she took in the information. She rubbed her hand over the top of the blanket. “I can’t leave you by yourself. Especially with a baby on the way.”</p>
<p>“You won’t be. I have Owen and Ellie and Mrs. O’Mara.” She braced herself for a response from Jamie as she said the last name.</p>
<p>After mulling it over for a moment, Jamie said, “She was there for you?” Dani nodded and Jamie licked her lips. “I’m glad. I know you’ve missed her.” The conversation wasn’t over about Mrs. O’Mara, Jamie and Dani would need to learn boundaries as it went forward, but Jamie knew now wasn’t the time to be upset. </p>
<p>“Um,” Dani slowly stepped closer until she was at Jamie’s side. She gently grabbed her wife’s hand. “You can come home tomorrow. You’ll start in a couple of days once the paperwork is done.”<br/>Jamie looked up at her wife. They held each other’s gaze for a moment and then Dani leaned down and placed a kiss on Jamie’s forehead. When she stood back up again, she could see that something in Jamie’s eyes changed. No longer were they clouded with desperation. Instead, all Dani could find was determination.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Chapter 22</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Epilogue will be posted on Monday!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The remainder of Jamie’s time in the hospital was difficult for her. Withdrawal was rough, but her low rate of use did offer her easier symptoms. Still, her heart raced and she couldn’t keep anything down. The nurses hooked her up to an emergency IV of fluids, but even then it was touch and go with dehydration. It was probably the anxiety that was the hardest for Dani to witness. Jamie would have sudden states of panic. Her eyes would go wide and her chest would heave. It broke Dani’s heart and after each panic attack, she would have to step into the bathroom and cry for a minute. Thankfully, it slowed down as the sun rose and Jamie became more stable as the day progressed. That evening, she was cleared to leave.</p>
<p>On the way home from the hospital, Dani drove with Jamie in the passenger seat next to her. She was getting to the point in her pregnancy when it was becoming more and more uncomfortable to drive– though not impossible. The car was quiet. Jamie busied herself with a loose thread on her t-shirt and Dani tapped her fingers on the wheel as she waited at a red light.</p>
<p>“So,” Jamie started, then looked up at her wife. “Mrs. O’Mara.” She drew each syllable of the name out as she said it.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Dani answered. She knew this conversation was coming, but her mind kept drawing a blank when she tried to decide how to go about it. Jamie was probably not going to respond too well to the idea of Mrs. O’Mara being around now and again which, Dani knew, was entirely fair. “She came by the store to apologize that day.” That’s how they referred to the day Jamie overdosed. It felt easier.</p>
<p>Jamie shook her head and scoffed. “She was awful to us. To me.”</p>
<p>“I know, I know. Especially to you. But, what if she was just grieving?” Dani glanced at Jamie. She was already looking back at the road when Jamie’s eyes looked off into the distance and her hand stopped playing with the thread. “It doesn’t excuse what she did, but I think she means it. And, I don’t know, maybe it would be nice to give her a chance. I’d understand if you don’t want to, though.”</p>
<p>A deep sigh escaped Jamie. Her eyes remained, unfocused, on the street in front of her. “She fucked up, Dani.” The words were quiet, slow. “But I guess, I fucked up, too. And I know what it’s like to hope the people you love will see past your grief and forgive you. So, I guess we can try it out, but I’m not making any promises.”</p>
<p>“Say the word and we’ll be done,” Dani assured. It went silent again and she started to bite her lip. Her mind turned over Jamie’s words about forgiveness. She hadn’t had much time to think about her place in this. Every second of the past couple days was spent worrying about Jamie, signing paperwork, making treatment plans, checking on the kids, peeing a lot thanks to the baby, and occasionally sleeping. Forgiveness had barely even crossed her mind until now. Dani slowed down and pulled into an empty business parking lot.</p>
<p>“What are you doing?” Jamie asked and looked over her shoulder, out the window.</p>
<p>Dani turned off the car, sat still for a time, and picked at her nail. “For what it’s worth, Jamie,” she paused. Her eyebrows knitted together and then she looked at her wife with wide eyes full of all the pain she hadn’t processed the last two days. “It’s not my forgiveness that you need to worry about. It’s my trust.”</p>
<p>The words hung in the air between them. Sure, Jamie knew things between them wouldn’t be easy after this, but Dani’s naming it made it feel more real. Her shoulders grew heavier with the weight of responsibility for her actions. </p>
<p>“What do I need to do to gain back your trust?” Jamie asked.</p>
<p>Dani adjusted in her seat and leaned more against the door so she could see Jamie better. She was limited in her ability to move, but she managed it in the end. “Do the work in treatment. But, honestly, beyond that, I don’t know. I thought this was your first slip up, only to find out from the doctor that it had been going on for two weeks. You lied to me so easily.”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” Jamie whispered.</p>
<p>Dani ran her hands over her face. “I know you are. This is just going to take a lot of work from both of us.” She sighed, made eye contact again with her wife, and then took her hand. “But I’m willing to put it in if you are.”</p>
<p>“Always, Blue Eyes,” Jamie said. She lifted Dani’s hand to her mouth and brushed her lips over the knuckles.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When Jamie finally came home, the kids were all over her. Evidently, they had missed her sarcastic comments and unasked for hair ruffles. Miles tutted around making her tea and helping her get comfortable while Flora presented her with a flower arrangement they put together themselves and hand made cards wishing Jamie good luck in treatment. Dani watched from afar taking a moment to thank whoever brought Jamie home to them. Nothing about the coming months would be easy, but she would rather struggle with Jamie than struggle without her.</p>
<p>Just as she started to help Owen prepare food, she became acutely aware of Flora’s presence at her side. “What do you need, sweet girl?” Dani asked.</p>
<p>“I just want you to know,” Flora started, and then stopped. She pressed her eyebrows together in thought and started to chew on the inside of her cheek. “It isn’t always very clear. My dreams. Usually it’s just brief flashes. I saw you and a woman I don’t know finding her in a bathroom. That was it. I promise that was all I knew.”</p>
<p>“Oh, sweetie,” Dani sighed. She pulled her oldest daughter into her side and rubbed her back as she did. “I think you’re handling it very well. And how about this, huh? I won’t ask you anymore what you know. If you want to share, I would love to hear it, but it’s on your terms.”</p>
<p>Flora nodded. “That would be nice.” Dani stood up and released Flora, but her attention whipped back when she felt the girl grab her hand. “Don’t tell her, but I think after everything you deserve a bit of a rest. She’ll do well in treatment.”</p>
<p>Dani let out a surprised giggle. “It’s safe with me.” She jerked her chin to the living room where Miles and Jamie were. “Go have fun. You deserve a rest, too.” She watched as Flora skipped off to join the others and she smiled as a weight on her chest finally lifted.</p>
<p>It was as if the final pieces of security snapped into place– everything aligned. Jamie started treatment with a vigor. She wasn’t rushing it, necessarily, but she was dedicated and ready to do the work. Mrs. O’Mara, Dani, and Jamie had dinner together, just the three of them. Things weren’t fixed and Judy would still have a long way to go to gain back complete trust, but they were certainly on their way there. Any lingering signs of potential concern for the pregnancy disappeared and Dani was fully cleared. The last of the pregnancy passed quickly and with little discomfort or pain. Everything else went smoothly (perfectly splendid, as Flora described it). Jamie graduated from the partial hospitalization program and on her last day in the intensive outpatient program, Dani went into labor. It didn’t last very long. Long enough to get to the hospital, of course, but not too long as to suspend her in pain.</p>
<p>It was a breath of fresh air after so many years of struggle.</p>
<p>Jamie and Dani decided to have only the two of them in the room when the baby was born (which Mrs. Clayton took every opportunity to bring up). School was out for the summer, so Owen drove the kids to the hospital in a separate car after getting them breakfast and ready for the day. At the phone call, Ellie immediately called in another employee and was the first one at the hospital. She managed to get there before even Jamie and Dani arrived. Mrs. Clayton and Mrs. O’Mara both showed up a few hours later and Dani could only imagine how the two were faring in the waiting room  together.</p>
<p>When Dr. Lancaster told Dani it was time to push, Jamie took her hand, kissed her forehead, and slipped a hand behind Dani’s neck. “You got this, Blue Eyes.” There were already tears in her eyes and Dani wondered what she was going to look like in a few minutes holding the baby.</p>
<p>It was only a few minutes until the baby was born. Jamie squeezed Dani’s hand as they waited for the first cry and the second it rang out, Jamie’s waterworks turned on. For Dani, the tears started when Dr. Lancaster placed the newborn in her arms.</p>
<p>Once she looked down at the baby in her arms, Dani never wanted to let go. She knew in that moment that she could spend the rest of her life right there– holding this baby with Jamie’s arms around her. As soon as she pulled the baby girl closer to her chest, the cries immediately stopped and she looked up at her mom with round eyes. Dani could only imagine how desperately Jamie wanted to hold the girl, though, so she gently passed the bundle over.</p>
<p>Again, the baby started to cry out, but when Jamie pulled her close, she went silent and stared at her other mom. Jamie gasped between quiet sobs and ran the tip of her finger along the side of the baby’s face. “Hi,” she whispered. She lowered herself onto the bed beside her wife and Dani leaned her head against Jamie’s arm so she could see the baby, too. </p>
<p>Both sat there for a while, speechless. The baby was passed back and forth between the two until the nurse had Dani try to breastfeed for the first time. It was an overwhelming feeling for her, not in a bad way– just new. Jamie got a kick out of watching Dani’s facial expressions change over the course of the whole experience. It started off scared, then confused, then frustrated, then uncomfortable, and finally, overjoyed. When the baby successfully latched on, the last nurse in the room excused herself and left the three in the room by themselves.</p>
<p>“It’s weird having her here after so long. Almost doesn’t feel real.” Jamie laughed, “What are we going to do with a baby, Poppins?”</p>
<p>“Little late to be asking that,” Dani quipped. She settled back into a calm state and returned her gaze to their newest child. “I think she’s going to fit in just fine.”</p>
<p>Jamie brushed a finger over the baby’s ear. “I dunno, her ears are a bit big. Might be a tight fit.” Dani looked up at her wife and they held each other’s gaze for a moment. Finally, they kissed and Jamie whispered, “I love you.”</p>
<p>They had picked out her name a few months back and, seeing her in their arms, it felt so right. Both women let it roll over their tongues, try out the name. It had only been whispered a few times in confidence amongst themselves. Now, it belonged to a living, breathing creature.</p>
<p>Almost an hour passed and Jamie went to the waiting room to get Owen, Miles, and Flora. Dani was sad that Jamie had left. Of course she wanted the others to meet the baby, but there was something beautiful about sitting in the room with her wife and the new baby, just the three of them. Once it was gone, it wasn’t something they could get back and she wished they had soaked it up a bit longer. But, she was getting tired and wanted to see everyone before she fell asleep.</p>
<p>Owen stayed at the foot of the bed, taking in the whole thing. Dani didn’t miss the tears in his eyes, though. Miles and Flora crowded around one side of the bed and peered over the bundle of blankets in Dani’s arms.</p>
<p>“Oh, she’s just perfectly splendid, isn’t she?” Flora asked. “Can I hold her?”</p>
<p>“Be careful, you hear?” Jamie said. “Don’t you two start fighting over her. If you drop her I’ll knock your heads together twice as hard as her fall.”</p>
<p>Miles watched his sister take the baby. “You can hold her for two minutes and then I can hold her for two minutes.”</p>
<p>Dani wasn’t sure Flora heard her brother. She was so mesmerized by her new baby sister that she didn’t seem to see much else in the room. “What’s her name?” Flora asked.</p>
<p>Jamie squeezed her wife’s hand and looked at Owen. “Adelaide Hannah,” she said. Owen clenched his jaw tight and nodded, but the tears he had been fighting slipped out so he pulled a handkerchief from his pocket.</p>
<p>“Adelaide,” Flora said. “Almost as beautiful as she is.”</p>
<p>“My turn,” Miles announced. Dani prepared herself to intervene, but Flora passed the baby without issue. The oldest of the three kids beamed down at Adelaide as he held her. When Owen took her, he simply held the baby up for him to see and stared– his eyes soft and his smile softer– for a long time.</p>
<p>Mrs. O’Mara, Ellie, and Mrs. Clayton all came through not much longer after that. Ellie carried in balloons, Mrs. Clayton a large teddy bear, and Mrs. O’Mara a set of hand knitted baby blankets. They took turns holding the baby, talking to the others in the room, then all of them dispersed as an hour or so passed. Owen took note of Dani’s yawns and ushered the kids out of the room. Both Flora and Miles loudly debated Owen’s decision, wanting to stay with the baby, but he promised them that they would be sick of her soon enough.</p>
<p>The newborn stage was a whirlwind of excitement, adrenaline, and lack of sleep. Dani and Jamie were both in agreement that the two month to two year age was the best. Adelaide was a giggly baby, always on the move and playing. She managed to get herself into a lot of trouble very early on. Once she hit, two, though Adelaide proved herself to be a very mischievous child. She had her hands in everything and left a trail of messes behind her. Her favorite activity, though, was by far writing on the walls. Jamie was so tired of painting over permanent marker or scrubbing away at crayon, that she eventually painted an entire wall in the nursery with chalkboard paint and let Adelaide go to town.</p>
<p>Even on the worst days, Dani watched Jamie existing as a mom to their three kids and fell more in love with her every time she was lucky enough to witness it. She loved to steal moments watching her wife picking Adelaide up from her high chair, braiding Flora’s hair, helping Miles track down whatever it is he managed to lose that day. At night, Jamie would collapse onto the bed tired from a long day of raising kids and owning a shop. She would groan about how she wanted to return all of them then Dani would find her checking on each one before she went to sleep herself.</p>
<p>Dani never thought she could have more than two kids, but she loved the dynamic of three, especially with two of them older. Miles and Flora could hold their own when Adelaide was crying or hungry or needed a diaper change. They even helped sometimes. </p>
<p>Once, during Christmas, she caught herself staring at her family. Miles was holding Adelaide on his hip, one of her hands wrapped in his hair and the other stuffing marshmallows into her mouth. Owen pulled a baking sheet of sugar cookies out of the oven while Jamie and Flora busied themselves with a decorating competition. Dani was struck, again, by how much love she was surrounded with. When her and Jamie had left Bly almost five years before, she felt so empty. Dani really hadn’t thought she would live another couple months with the Lady in the Lake inside of her. Now, she stood in her house with her wife, and her kids, and their crazy uncle. Tomorrow, Ellie, Mrs. Clayton, and the O’Maras would be filling their house for a Christmas party. She had so much more than she ever knew was possible for her.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Epilogue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you so much to everyone that read, commented, and left kudos on this story. It has been a pleasure to write even through the writer's block. I hope you love this epilogue as much as I do.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Dani poured milk over the coffee in her travel mug. Her hair was swept into a bun at the base of her neck and she wore a short sleeved denim dress with a chunky, brown belt cinching it at the waist. As she closed the fridge after returning the carton, she pulled the pen off and scribbled ‘milk’ onto their shopping list. “Do you need me to pick you up something from the store, Flora? We’re going this evening after we close the shop.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Conditioner,” Flora said. Her voice was light, distracted, as she focused on the open textbook in front of her. It was the summer before her senior year of college at Brown University. Her schedule was still packed, though, between work at Ellie’s coffee shop, her internship, and studying for the LSAT.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jamie padded down the stairs in her classic jeans and a short-sleeved, green v-neck blouse. As she walked past Flora sitting at the island counter, she planted a kiss on her daughter’s temple. “Morning, sweetheart.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>With both parents there, Flora dropped her pencil into the binding of her book. “I’ve been thinking,” she started. Jamie and Dani shared an amused look and both of their eyes glinted as they readied themselves for whatever their oldest daughter was about to say. “I’m 22 now so I think I should be allowed to have Ian come visit.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Absolutely not,” Jamie asserted. Any sense of amusement she had a moment ago vanished. “We’ve talked about this.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mum,” Flora cried out, this time staring at Dani. Dani never understood that. The kids all viewed her as the ‘good cop’, the parent that would fold with a good show of puppy dog eyes. It always annoyed her because even if she rolled over on late night ice cream or slumber parties, she was just as stern as Jamie about the bigger things.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dani shook her head, “You know the rules. No boys overnight.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This is so unfair,” Flora snapped. “Miles just lives here basically rent free and me, the responsible one in college, can’t even bring over my boyfriend of a year and a half.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, he can come over for dinner,” Dani said. She busied herself preparing her and Jamie lunches for the day. “And stop making digs at your brother. You’ve been doing that ever since you got home. You know he’s trying to get his writing career off the ground.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Flora rolled her eyes. “Oh, yes. His memoir about Bly that’s going to taint my career. No one’s going to take me seriously if he actually publishes the thing.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You don’t know that,” Jamie said. She leaned over the counter to hold her daughter’s eye contact. “Drop it, please. Ian’s not staying here.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fine, we’ll just get a hotel then,” Flora huffed. Dani knew Flora wasn’t going to do that, she was just testing them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Make sure you take cash to tip,” Jamie said, also not convinced. Their daughter conceded and pouted into her textbook. “Are you working today?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Flora sighed and closed the book, apparently giving up on studying for the time being. “I work for a few hours in the coffee shop at 10, but I’ve got a late meeting at the capitol building this afternoon so I can’t babysit if that’s the question.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ah, yes, your mysterious internship,” Jamie joked, sarcastic. The internship was with one of the Vermont senators, but Flora couldn’t share much more than that for confidentiality reasons. “Would you be able to pick up Luca from his karate class at six?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Luca was their youngest. When Adelaide was about three, Dani and Jamie realized that Miles and Flora were growing up fast and, as much as they loved and were present in the lives of their baby sister, they would be leaving soon to start their own lives. The wives wanted their youngest to have a sibling closer in age to round out their family. So, a year and a half later, Luca was born.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The young woman shook her head. “I’m not sure when the meeting is going to end. Can you ask Miles? He should resurface soon.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’ll figure it out,” Dani said. “Owen will be back in an hour or two so he might be able to do it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Right then, Adelaide ran down the stairs followed by Luca. Adelaide had long blonde hair and she was tall for her age. Her brother, Luca, had short brown hair and dimples. He chased her through the living room and into the kitchen where Jamie grabbed his shirt collar to stop him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oi, what are you lot doing running through the house like that?” She cried. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Luca pointed at his sister, “She stole my Star Wars legos.” She waved them in the air, triumphantly. “Give it back,” he yelled. He went to lunge at her but Jamie wrapped an arm around his chest to hold him in place.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Adelaide,” Dani scolded. “Give it back right now.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She pouted and trudged over to her brother, holding it out. Jamie let go so he could take it. Once the lego version of the Death Star was safely in his hand, he hit his sister in the shoulder. Adelaide grabbed her shoulder and screamed out in pain. She lunged back at her brother and Jamie stepped in between the two before any more throws could land. Both moms immediately let out a slew of reprimands and Dani took Luca’s hand to pull him back. Flora simply watched the interaction and laughed, remembering her own fights with Miles.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Flora thinks it’s funny,” Adelaide cried. Jamie turned and sent a death glare at the older child and Flora wiped the grin off her face. She quickly reopened her textbook and pushed her attention there. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This was a common occurrence in their household. Adelaide had been diagnosed with ADHD a few years prior. Theodora had done wonders to help Adelaide develop skills to lessen the symptoms of her ADHD, but she still didn’t quite have a handle on her impulsivity. As much as Dani and Jamie wanted to send her to timeout or ground her or take things away, the most important thing in these moments was to redirect Adelaide and remind her to use her skills.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jamie took a deep breath. “I got you more chalk yesterday, Addy. It’s in my bag. Why don’t you go upstairs and try to channel this energy into drawing something for us?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The girl grimaced, but found her promised chalk, and left for her room. It was hard for her to transition, but in about ten minutes, she would be drawing so intensely that it would be next to impossible to pull her away.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“She’ll need to be at that for a bit,” Flora said. “I’ll drop them off at the store when I go to work.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you,” Dani said, grateful. Her and Jamie said goodbye and went off to work together.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The Leafling had grown significantly over the years. Dani and Jamie cornered the wedding and event market in the town and even had a delivery driver that took orders around Vermont and neighboring states. In ‘94, Owen officially opened up a second restaurant in Montreal and spent January through June in Paris and July through December in Vermont. In ‘98, a drunken joke between Dani, Jamie, and Owen turned into a collaborated business: Flower to Cake. They bought up the storefront to the right of the flower shop, tore down the wall between to replace with glass windows and a shared door, and filled it with a bakery. It specialized in wedding cakes, but also had smaller pastries for daily visitors. After a year, the bakery was so popular that they remodeled again to create another shared entrance from Ellie’s coffee shop through the Leafling. People would order coffee or baked goods from either the coffee shop or the bakery and would have a server bring it to them no matter which storefront they were in. It was such a unique set up, food and business magazines consistently reviewed them and they landed on the tourist market.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>One of the bakers, Alexandra, caught Ellie’s attention immediately. Something about the woman calmed Ellie. She was still as loud and chaotic as always, but Alexandra kept her feet on the ground and it wasn’t long before they settled down with each other. Alexandra was the only baker that Owen trusted completely, so he brought her on as the manager and the five became a well-oiled team.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Owen never moved on from Hannah, and he was content with that. He had family in Dani, Jamie, and the kids, and they all held tight to each other. Never once did he feel lonely or like he was floating untethered into the ether– as he said. He loved them completely and they all loved him the same.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The years had been hard on all of them, too, though. As teenagers, trauma caught up to Miles and Flora. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Miles barely made it through high school. He snuck out to parties more nights than not. His moms would wake up in the middle of the night to him stumbling through the house to his room, usually some combination of high and drunk. Then he was skipping school to get high. Then he started to disappear for a night. Dani and Jamie would call everyone they could and look for him only to have him show up the next morning as if nothing happened. It was almost relieving when they got a call that he had been arrested for drunk driving at seventeen. He was incredibly lucky not to have gotten into an accident, but he still had to spend a year in juvie. A combination of therapy and time to write brought healing for Miles and when he was released, he was truly in a different place.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Flora held it in more, to the point that Dani and Jamie missed it for a few years. It was one of their biggest regrets and they carried that guilt everyday. Miles’s arrest was hard on Flora and it was the event that put everything else over the edge. Every day that he was in juvie and she was separated from him, Flora seemed to slip further away from herself. Even when he came home, though, she wasn’t herself. Her moms really thought it was just part of being a teenager until she went in for a yearly physical and was immediately transferred to the ER for a dangerously low heart beat. Her last two years of high school, she was in and out of eating disorder treatment centers. Theodora, who only treated children and not adolescents, made an exception for Flora and their first session together again marked a turn in Flora.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dani and Jamie remained strong throughout the years. They had their rough times, as any couple does, but they loved each other through it until they came out stronger. The biggest bump in their road was in ‘97 when Mrs. Clayton, out of nowhere, developed an aggressive form of breast cancer. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dani took a break from working in the shop to care for her mom in her last few months. Every day when Dani got home, she was so emotionally spent that she slept or hid in her office. Jamie felt like she never got to see her wife and, when she did, Dani was irritable and short with her. They started to fight more and more as the end got closer and Dani decided to stay at her mom’s house. They told themselves it was less about them taking space and more about Mrs. Clayton who needed even more care. For almost a month, they barely saw each other outside of family dinners a few times a week. Both of them started to wonder if they were slipping apart, wondered if they would make it back to each other after it was all over. They never got a moment alone to talk about it and so their fears and their hurt were left sitting between them as they held each other’s gaze each night before saying goodbye.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Mrs. Clayton passed, Dani sat in the room by herself for twenty minutes, unable to cry or to hurt or to feel anything. She eventually regained enough feeling inside of her to move and retrieved the nurse in the living room. But, she wasn’t able to follow him back in. She stood in the living room gasping for air and, even as her lungs expanded, she swore they weren’t filling with oxygen. Dani stumbled out into the snow in nothing but her pajama pants, sweatshirt, and slippers. The cold that seeped through her socks and up her ankles reminded her she was alive. She welcomed the icy burning because it filled her up with something and she started to sob right there on the front lawn.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The sobs didn’t stop and she forced herself through the snow, now shivering, until she climbed into her car. She sat there for a bit, crying. The walls of her childhood home pushed through the window screaming that her mom’s lifeless body lay in a cold bed inside. Dani squeezed her eyes shut and pressed her hands over her ears as if that would stop it. When it became unbearable, Dani turned on the car and drove into the dark night. Without thinking about where she was going, she ended up at her house she shared with her family. It had been days since she had gone home because her mom had spent all of it on the verge of her last breath and Dani couldn’t get herself to leave.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She parked in the parking lot and climbed out, immediately shivering in the cold. Her mind felt empty, like she could barely think past the next two seconds. When she got to the front door, she couldn’t find the keys so she stared at the door, shaking, for a moment until she remembered the doorbell. It rang out through the house and when no one came to the door, she rang it again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Time felt weird to Dani. Every moment was impossibly long, but still felt fleeting. She wasn’t sure if she waited on the front porch for a minute or an hour. When Jamie opened the door, squinting at the porch light with her arms crossed to fight off the cold, Dani felt everything snap into place. Every feeling that was just out of reach since her mom died exploded back through her. The cold made every piece of her ache in physical pain.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dani–,” Jamie said.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“My mom is dead,” she whimpered. Jamie’s face softened in understanding and her mouth fell open. The only part of Dani that was warm were the tear tracks on her cheeks. The sight of Jamie standing in front of her was the first thing that brought her any relief, even if it also opened up the pain. All she wanted was to crawl into bed next to her wife. “Can I come home?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Come here, baby,” Jamie whispered. She pulled Dani into her shoulder. “Jesus, you’re freezing. How long have you been outside?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dani wrapped her arms around her wife. “I–, I don’t know.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Owen appeared behind Jamie’s shoulder and came closer to the two. “Are you okay? What’s going on?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jamie pressed her hand against the back of Dani’s head to keep her close. “Her mum,” Jamie said.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Owen nodded and his eyebrows folded together, no doubt recalling his own mother’s death in similar circumstances. Something outside caught his attention and he pushed past them. Dani’s car was still running and was probably left in neutral because it was starting to roll backwards down the driveway. He jumped in, turned it off, and returned with Dani’s keys. Him and Jamie shared a look of concern as she took the keys from him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks,” she said. “I’m going to take her upstairs.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He nodded and watched the two make their way to their bedroom. Once there, Jamie turned on the heater and helped Dani take her clothes off to put on fresh ones. Between the hot air and Jamie’s arms wrapped around her, Dani’s shivering stopped, her sobs slowed, and her pain dulled. She looked at her wife and set her hand on her cheek.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” Dani whispered. “I’m sorry I left.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jamie shook her head, “You didn’t leave.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But I did,” Dani said. Jamie’s eyes teared up as whatever she had been carrying the past few months boiled over. “I was overwhelmed and I took it out on you. Instead of dealing with it I just left. And maybe we never talked about it, but we both know.” The thing that neither allowed themself to think about the past month stared them down: Mrs. Clayton had a night time nurse. Dani didn’t need to be there every night and yet, she still stayed every night.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jamie rested her forehead against Dani’s. “You’re home now. That’s enough for me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They climbed into the bed together for the first time in too long. Dani pulled Jamie in close to her and held her there. In that moment, she was okay. Her mom was dead and she had an open well of grief inside of her, but she had Jamie again and she wasn’t going to lose her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It took a little while, but soon enough they were themselves again. They were back on the same team and were a force to reckon with once more. That propelled them on through the years. Through Flora’s last stint in residential treatment, they were rock solid. Through Adelaide’s behavior problems, they were rock solid. Through stressful changes at work, they were rock solid. Somedays, it was still hard, but every day they found something in it that reminded them of how much they loved each other and the life they built together. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mrs. O’Mara proved to be a strong support system for Dani in the months after her mom’s death. She slipped more into a motherly role than ever before– not as a replacement for Mrs. Clayton, but a nurturing and loving figure just the same. She joined more family events, came to Flora’s graduation and Adelaide’s spelling bees. She was at every birthday party and dance recital and soccer game. Sometimes, Dani and Jamie wondered if Mrs. O’Mara viewed their kids as the grandkids that Edmund would have had if he hadn’t died and had married Dani. It was clear that Dani was a part of their family, though, and Jamie was welcomed with open arms. If Mrs. O’Mara needed to see their children in that way, it was for her healing and for the time being it did not bleed into her relationship with any of them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After Adelaide’s behavior that morning over the legos, Dani and Jamie bickered back and forth throughout the day about when to reprimand and when to redirect. Her ADHD had challenged the two as parents in ways they hadn’t really been before and they never knew if they were doing a good job or not. Theodora promised them that was normal, but they still didn’t quite believe it themselves.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dani started to clean up the store a few minutes before five and Jamie began to lock the connecting doors between the coffee shop and the bakery. It was a routine they were well used to and so they did it quietly, focusing so to complete it quickly and efficiently. Every few minutes one would say something to the other, like what they wanted for dinner or to bring them something they needed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ten minutes after close, a knock sounded on the door. Through the glass, the wives could see all four of their kids standing there, waving. Dani unlocked the door to let them in, eyebrows knitted in confusion.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s this?” Jamie asked. She set the stack of pots down onto a table as the kids all walked in. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shouldn’t Luca be in karate right now?” Dani asked and looked at her watch to verify.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He nodded, gravely, “But this was more important.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A large grin passed over every one of the kids’ faces. Dani crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes at them, stepping in line next to Jamie. “Uh huh, I see those mischievous looks. What did you break?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We didn’t break anything,” Adelaide laughed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay,” Jamie said, slowly. “So who got in trouble at school, then?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Miles elbowed his sister, “Get on with it or they’ll go on forever.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Flora produced a bottle of champagne and placed it onto the table. “So I guess I should start with, I lied a bit about my internship. Just a bit.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And you thought a bottle of champagne would smooth it over?” Jamie asked. She bobbed her head. “Interesting choice.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I just mean, it wasn’t actually confidential. I just didn’t want to tell you what I was working on until I knew for sure.” Flora’s grin grew and she nudged Adelaide. “Give it to them.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Adelaide brought a manila envelope from around her back and handed it over to her parents. The two shared a look before Dani took it from the young girl’s hand. A quiet anticipation passed over the room. Dani had no clue what was going to be in the envelope, but by their faces, she could tell it was something big. Still, confusion hung between the wives as Dani opened it and pulled out a sheet of paper. Across the top ‘Vermont License and Certificate of Civil Union’ was written in all capital letters. The whole page was filled out with Dani and Jamie’s name and personal information. The only thing missing was their signatures.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“A certificate of civil union?” Dani read aloud. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jamie shook her head and looked over the paper at Flora. “I don’t understand, we can’t–.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tears glistened in Flora’s eyes as she said, “As of two hours ago, Vermont is the first state in the US to allow same-sex civil unions. All you need to do is sign it and I’ll drop it off in the morning. You’ll be the first in the entire country.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jamie’s hands covered her mouth as tears fell from her eyes. Dani’s hand began to shake and she placed the paper gently on the table as if she was afraid of ruining it. She looked at her oldest daughter and whispered, “You did this?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Flora blushed a bit and looked away, “I was just the intern, but I did help a lot, yes.” She bit her lip for a second and then added, “I know it isn’t the same thing as marriage, but once I get my law degree, that’s going to be the first thing I do.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Jamie lurched forward to grab Flora and pull her into a hug. “This is incredible. Thank you, sweetheart.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As soon as they let go, Dani also gave Flora a hug. Luca and Adelaide rushed in to join and Miles stepped forward as well. Jamie looked at Dani and the two wiped their eyes of the tears they had shed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What do you say, Poppins?” Jamie asked. “Shall we make our union officially civil?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nothing I want to do more,” Dani said, grinning through new tears. They leaned closer and kissed each other. Jamie’s hands cradled Dani’s face and held her close as Dani wrapped her arms around Jamie’s neck.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Behind them, Luca feigned a gag. “Oh, come now. That’s true love, you know,” Miles said. He grabbed his little brother by the torso and spun him around until he was hanging upside down with his legs hooked over Miles’s arm. “Let’s find them a pen.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dani pulled back from her wife to watch Miles carry Luca to the counter. He raised his arm high until Luca was just able to reach the pen sitting next to the cash register. Dani winced. “I hate it when he does that. It gives me a heart attack every time.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Miles walked his brother back to their moms and looped his free hand under Luca’s back to better support the kid while he set him down. On his feet, Luca handed the pen over. Jamie tousled his hair and then signed the designated box. She handed the pen to her wife who took her hand and signed the paper with her other. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A loud pop behind them made the two jump. The cork from the champagne bottle flew straight into a pile of plants and cracked one of the terracotta pots. Jamie turned and shot a death glare at Miles who was sheepishly grinning with a bottle of champagne in his hand that was starting to fizz over onto the floor beneath him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’re not leaving until you clean that up and repot that plant,” Jamie scolded. She took the bottle from him and one of the plastic cups Flora was starting to pull from her purse. As Miles fetched the broom, Jamie and Dani clinked their glasses and toasted to their union.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As time continued to pass from that day forward, Jamie and Dani only grew stronger and stronger as a couple. They found new ways to fall in love with each other all over again every single day. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Flora got into law school at Yale University where she graduated top of her class. As she promised, she got same-sex marriages passed in the state of Vermont in 2009. Jamie and Dani renewed their vows in their backyard, exactly as they had done at their wedding. Flora would eventually get married (not to Ian) and be a key legal expert in the Supreme Court’s decision to legalize same-sex marriage in 2015. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Miles’s memoir about Bly Manor was bid on by multiple major publishing houses in 2002. His advance was shocking and the book sales even more so. In 2008, the production company Intrepid Pictures bought rights to the book and created a blockbuster film that won numerous awards. He gave his moms a generous cut of everything which they used to hire a full time staff for the business so they could retire early. After years of swearing off love, he ran away with a girl from Canada and came back three weeks later– married.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Owen’s restaurants continued to flourish over the years. The back and forth was tiresome, though, so he eventually bought a house in Vermont where he stayed full time and only flew out to Paris a few times a year. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ellie married Alexandra a few months after Dani and Jamie renewed their vows. Their relationship was loud and chaotic, but healthy and loving in every second of it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Adelaide and Luca grew up in a normal world with no hints of ghosts or curses. The stories followed them, of course, but never latched to them. Still, the two utilized their connection to Bly manor to become successful ghost hunters in the public eye. Their claim to fame was that they had not experienced it first hand so they were searching for their own experience. It was the only career they could have that would really keep their parents up at night, knowing how poisonous the wrong kind of ghost can be, and it definitely did that. They took ownership of the manor from their mother and turned it into a haunted hotel– per Ellie’s pestering over the years. It quickly grew to be one of the world’s most visited sites for paranormal activity and provided much inspiration for the media, including a novel loosely based on the history of the manor written by the preternatural expert Steven Crain,</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As people do, Dani and Jamie got older. After an amazing lifetime together, Dani got sick. A year passed and so did Dani, who slept, content, knowing that she had everything. She had a soulmate, had a family, met all of her grandkids. In every way that counted, Dani had lived to the fullest. Some say it was a broken heart, others thought maybe the two had been bonded by some unyielding rope, but two days after Dani passed, Jamie did so too, peacefully in her sleep. Their kids buried them together, both with moonflowers braided into their hair.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>In their death was proof that love left life behind. Dani and Jamie left so much life to take their place, that it was love, itself, that wrote their legacy.</span>
</p>
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